Testimonials

Rachel hugs her not-too-sympathetically, and I am waiting with bated breath for Blu to bitch out Aurelia and the judges. The glee factor is at an all-time high, and I'm practically clapping my hands, so don't disappoint me, Blu!

Pudgy asks Blu what she enjoyed most about this experience, and she says the obligatory "Oh, I had a really great time, I made some great friends, and can now say that I joined the circus in my lifetime..." and then abruptly switches gears. You can see the gleam in her eyes before the words come out of her mouth and aughh, I'm sorry. I just hallucinated.

"I have to make a comment about the comment you [Aurelia] made last week about how you can put your leg up over your head. Well, you know what? I'm telling you on national TV, so let's see if you can come and sing one of my songs. Let's make a competition out of it. I could do your tricks and you could try to sing my songs, but I guarantee you I'll win. THANK YOU, AMERICA!"

Blu Cantrell, everybody.

Don't save the drama fo' yo' mama!

I think Aurelia just got served. It's on! Aurelia tries to interject, but they just get the audience to clap and the music is cued to segue away from the tension. HEE. I have to give Pudgy credit for smiling with a twinkle in his eye through this entire segment.

Finally. We're down to Rachel, who's probably exhausted since these shows take much longer than a mere hour and a half to shoot. My feminist streak is out in full force, because the editors have picked all of the worst segments of Rachel looking wan and worn during training. Seriously, is it necessary to make her appear like the "Before" on Extreme Makeover? For example:

A Botoxless world.

We learn that Rachel tried the traditional hammock (a sling of wide fabric) but was way too tall for it. It kept ejecting her. She describes what it looks like when you're not 5"2: "You look like a stuffed sausage."

Be zee fetus bursting from zee womb!

Anywho, the trainers rig a larger makeshift hammock for Rachel out of two of the flying silks knotted together (innovation!). They call it the Beach Hammock presumably because it was invented by trainer Shannon Beach.

Pudgy further hammers the point that Rachel wants to prove that beauty isn't exclusive of athleticism as he introduces her. Whoa, they're using En Vogue's "Free Your Mind" and Rachel's partner is Sacha, assisted by the gals. I'm kind of worried she's going to go splat. There are some mishaps/tangles at the beginning that we don't get to see, because the camera immediately switches to the random Pussycat Doll knockoff dancers on the floor. When we flash back to Rachel, she's incredibly poised, though, and no one points her toes better than Rachel - she manages to do splits and gets amazing extension with the hammock and remains graceful. More jazz hands and flair and attitude would be great here, but it's hard to muster that extra oomph when you just want to survive.

Rachel also pulls off a crazy flip where the silks go from supporting her at the waist to catching her under her armpits. Then, she inverts herself and pulls Sacha up, eventually holding him aloft with just one hand. Finally, she grabs the two ends of the silks and slides down, head first. The crowd goes wild and throws peanuts everywhere!

Victoria's Secret? Sexy Little Things thongs - for when you're 40 feet up in the air with no safety net.

I can't even make fun of her, except for the ridiculous ruffles on her top. Chiquita Banana time!

You should never put bananas in the refrigerator. Si, si , si!

Aurelia: I like hard work, eh? And you worked really hard this week.
Mitch:

Pull my finger! You're an athlete!

Louie: "It's never worth squeezing into something that doesn't fit, darling!"

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

Rachel's scores:

Rachel is super gracious about the criticism and applauds her fellow contestants. Aw, I like her. My Stockholm Syndrome is in stage 2. Oh God. I actually don't want anyone to get hurt or cry or get lit on fire. Except maybe Blu. What am I going to do? Someone stole my sense of sarcasm! Fuck. Give it back! Give it back!

Fortunately, Rachel knows how to get America's attention and votes.

Oh, my God, the bend and snap works every time!

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Posted in Celebrity Circus by T.Vo at 4:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: juddfan on Jun 25, 2008 03:52 PM.