She's b-b-b-bad to the bone (it's the song, obvs) and I'm really proud of Dionne when she climbs up the Spanish web like one is supposed to! Dangling from the ankle ensues, and spinning. There's also a motorcycle on the stage, and the kicking aside of a fake cop. Her stage presence is really phenomenal, but the tricks don't feel as cohesive. There's also a veritable tornado of spinning.
Two reasons why Dionne will win.
Raucous applause erupts out of my tiny little laptop speakers. The routine felt a bit short to me (maybe more climbing could've been done?) but her grace and poise and choreography was intact. However, what could possibly satisfy Aurelia?
Aurelia says the tricks were good, but the comfort level wasn't there - however, she thanks Dionne for climbing the rope, with a knowing nod. Blu is breathing fire somewhere out there and getting ready to kill Aurelia. There's so little drama as it is on a show like this that they basically have to write it in. Mitch tries to do his part by saying Dionne needs to forget this whole "being number one thing" and to go out there and wholeheartedly perform, and that her beginning wasn't cohesive. Oh wait - drama, is that you? Louie's been smacking the judges table and rustling the mic and shifting back and forth in his chair, looking constipated as the other two give their critiques. Hee. Now he's wildly flailing and talkin' jive with his hands and hissing like he's on fire and super indignant! The sequence is too ridonkulous not to share.
It's spazztastic!
Mitch turns to Louie and asks, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Louie literally flaps Mitch away and shoots a venomous look of utter contempt towards Aurelia as he snarls, "Excuse me, but these fucktards just gave Chris [Peter Brady] nines! They need to pull their heads out of their asses! I am soooooo glad I'm not American or French!"
Mitch musters a lukewarm comeback.
"Talk to the hand, Louie, because I can fellate myself."
Also, my room has suddenly transformed into a refugee camp due to the six drunk people who've returned from the casino and various strip joints and are piling into two queen beds. I am hunched over at the teeny corner desk. This is very surreal. Needless to say, my morale is at an all time-low. I will reward myself a nap with the desk chair if I ever finish this.
JAZZ HANDS ARE LE PISSED.
Louie exclaims "You were wonderful, Miss Thang!" and leaps up to reinforce the fact that Dionne climbed the rope. The rest is unintelligible shrieking, but Louie stomps off, does a sassy walk, and LAUNCHES INTO A BACK HANDSPRING. I think I'm hallucinating again, but I think this is a FULL ON FIERCE CONNIPTION FIT.
That just happened.
Next, he snaps so hard that I'm convinced he's overextended shoulder socket and elbow and thrown his back out. He even does a full bend backwards, arching all the while, yelling that Dionne would make Baby Jesus cry tears of joy and save the world from imploding in on itself and how the gays love her to bits because they love Dionne Warwick, and "Do You Know the Way to San Jose?" Everything goes blurry.
I believe this is called a tempest in the teapot.
After a few more exclamations of "YOU! ARE! FIERCE!" Louie gets the indignation out of his system.
I lied.
He screams "I AM LOVING YOU!" to her and starts to bawl, hot tears streaming down his face, as he belts "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow" from Annie.
Deep down, I really love reality TV. It's just that sometimes, you get that rare unedited, unequivocally explosive moments that could only happen on an unscripted show with people who have no real reputation to lose. This is one of those times. It's like the most enjoyable heart attack ever.
Aurelia tries to reclaim some of her thunder after Louie's stolen the show, asserting that Dionne's bar is higher than everyone else's. Yeah. Whatever. Chris Knight (Peter Brady) versus Stacey Dash (Dionne)? Psssh, that's easy. Louie's tantrum has convinced me that Dionne is the bestest ever.
Dionne's scores, in two easy steps:
"Suck on that, Bitchy and Leotard!"
My jaw? Still gaping open like a mailbox with a loose hinge. Let us forever remember this much-needed judge freakout and finish up the show.
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Comments (2)
Oh, Tvo, such dedications and surreal sacrifice, and no comments . . . sigh . . . considering your circumstances, how incredibly awesome of a recap, BABY!!!! I agree with Dionne's first screencap, I totally hope this gives her career a huge boost, she's just the bomb, and for reals, how in heck are these peeps doing this sh*t, I could never in my wildest, but I would so love to learn to do a back flip, or to toss head over heels on my way to morning coffee--after these caps, maybe I could . . . thanks for giving hope and breaking during your time away to think of us gasmi!!!! HEART!!!!
1 of 2 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on June 30, 2008 7:50 PM
juddfan, thank you for giving me something to live for. Seriously. LOVE!
2 of 2 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on July 1, 2008 5:14 PM