Wee Man's tackling the Flying Straps this week. They're essentially the ghetto version of the rings used in men's gymnastics, and look like strong but thin black strips of stretchy nylon, because someone jacked your rings and pawned them for some drug money. "Finally, Wee Man is going to be graceful," Wee Man explains. He looks none too pleased to have a chick added to his act, but lightens up as she struts in all sassy and cute-like.
The Mr. and Mrs. Smith routine is enhanced by Billy Squier's "Everybody Wants You." I suppose Wee Man can't really extend as much as the rest of the contestants can, nor can you tell if he's pointing his toes that easily, but he's really diligent and hasn't been a jackass so far. They kick it off by having Wee Man hold his partner up as she lays horizontally across his feet, up in the air.
Next, Wee Man expresses his feelings on the recent Supreme Court ruling and the 2nd Amendment.
Wee Man believes in the right to bear (and bare) arms.
After some more twirling and a few head over heels flips, Wee Man and his partner do a little pas de deux by holding hands while holding onto their straps. It's the spin of love, and he comes off quite charmingly because he smiles through the routine. Aw. America does love him.
Aurelia is none too pleased, as she plasters a fake smile on and snits, "Eh, obviously America loves you, if you're still here after last week's performance, eh? Ahm happy to see zee performance instead of you show off." Boo. Mitch is all praise this week, two thumbs up. Louie says he enjoyed the theatricality of it, and said that he had beautiful lines up there (I mean, he's kind of a dash, right?) and says he always knew the Wee Man would come up to be big enough to impress him. Aw. Someone's being awfully nice this week.
Wee Man's scores:
Somebody got laid this week.
Rachel confides that she's deathly afraid of the high wire, her event this week. It's not hard to understand why.
Arbitrary patches of facial hair: the stuff nightmares are made of.
She's also gotta do the tango on the wire, and attempt the pyramid, where she clambers onto a tiny platform that's distributed across the shoulders of her two male partners. Some of the Flying Wallendas died attempting this. IT IS AN ACT THAT HAS KILLED PEOPLE. WITH NO NET. But that's because they didn't have a net or safety wires. Pudgy amps up the catastrophic potential of this performance by stressing that it "caused one of the greatest disasters in circus history."
Well. She's got a safety harness but her partner doesn't - and doesn't really tango, because he's doing all the fancy footwork. She's pissed that he's blocking her way, actually. Nevertheless, it's evident Rachel's gritting her teeth and trying to get the whole shebang over with, and doesn't crack a real smile till she gets across the platform. Time for the pyramid!
"If Rachel makes one wrong move, the entire pyramid will collapse," intones Pudgy. "We need complete silence, so HOLD YOUR BREATHS TIL YOU PASS OUT."
Seriously, though, I remember reading about the Flying Wallendas in a condensed Reader's Digest article when I was a kid, and this is a big deal. Fortunately, they've got the safety wires on (though they'd still likely break their faces and a few ribs) but the two male partners are barking little cues to each other in French and it's nerve-wracking.
"I weesh weee weerrrre carrying zee leetle Wee Man, don't you, Jacques?"
They make it safely across, to raucous applause! At least three elementary schoolers have passed out from holding their breaths for so long (did you ever hold your breath while passing a cemetery? I did as a kid. And then I realized we were walking through Arlington National, damnit.) Commence monkey orgy of love. I guess they're just grooming each other out of relief.
"Now you do me!"
Louie takes Dancing with the Stars down by explaining that circus acts are death defying, more so than a salsa or cha cha cha would ever be, because it requires cajones.
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Comments (2)
Oh, Tvo, such dedications and surreal sacrifice, and no comments . . . sigh . . . considering your circumstances, how incredibly awesome of a recap, BABY!!!! I agree with Dionne's first screencap, I totally hope this gives her career a huge boost, she's just the bomb, and for reals, how in heck are these peeps doing this sh*t, I could never in my wildest, but I would so love to learn to do a back flip, or to toss head over heels on my way to morning coffee--after these caps, maybe I could . . . thanks for giving hope and breaking during your time away to think of us gasmi!!!! HEART!!!!
1 of 2 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on June 30, 2008 7:50 PM
juddfan, thank you for giving me something to live for. Seriously. LOVE!
2 of 2 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on July 1, 2008 5:14 PM