Testimonials

Aurelia is a bundle of "euhs?" but says that she's impressed with Rachel (but more with the guys carrying her, because oof, Rachel is probably as stiff as a board). Mitch yammers about the athlete's zone and how she looked intense concentrating on the wire (although Peter Brady got shit for not smiling enough! Double standard!) - though I think it was also fear that flickered across her face several times. Louie likes the tango rhythm of her walk and the arabesque (I missed it? I didn't see no arabesque).

Having already established his voting pattern earlier (in response to his fellow judges knocking down Queen Dionne), Louie gives Rachel a generous boost of confidence.

Rachel's scores:

And then there were two. Pudgy hems and haws and stalls for time, while everyone and their mama knows Janet Evans is going home. He finally confirms it, and no one really boos and no one really applauds for her. It's mega-awkward as they hug, because wardrobe knew she was getting sent home and made her wear a cut up leopard print corset. She graciously thanks her trainers and leaves to go train her daughter for the 2020 Olympics.

Finally, Antonio Sabato Junior. His challenge this week is the Chinese poles, which I suppose is a step up from "Oriental Pick Up Stix." Quick flashback of Antonio reiterating "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my whole life" during week one and repeating it during his interviews for week two of the competition. "I know I've said it before, but this week, it's the hardest thing I've ever done." Till next week, ASJ. Till next week.

"Pon de Replay" is a song I'd never have on replay, and would happily pay people to microwave the cd. Cue the Daft Punk light effects. The psychedelic tie-dye multicolor unitard is awesome. ASJ's a hairless monkey/smooth koala/shiny gecko clambering up and down the poles, stopping to hold poses, extend his body, or slide down headfirst. He climbs one pole at a time, and then bridges two of them. It's pretty impressive when he finally clings to it upside down with his legs and slides headfirst, stopping a mere two or three feet above the ground. That's control.

"I'm sinnngin' in the rainnnnn..."

Monkeys in a Barrel are all grown up now.

Aurelia is all ufff, you picked a discipline that included bruises and burning, the tricks and control were there, but I detest monkeys. "Where's zee sexy guy? I want the sexy back, you bring it, no? Rrrrrrawr?"

ASJ to Aurelia: "I love this pole, but I don't love it that much." Burn! Mitch gives ASJ props because you cannot fake athleticism on the poles (unlike Blu on the Spanish Web), as there's no benefit of a safety wire or bungee cord. He points out that no other contestant on the show could attempt this discipline successfully. Truf.

Louie snarks that the kitty cat didn't get enough kitty tonight, dismissing Aurelia's disappointments by praising ASJ's upper body strength and how fab he is. "Don't worry about Miss Kitty!"

There's never enough Kitty for you!

I only hope Louie continues to vote the way he's voting - higher than the other two judges. He's just giving away those nines.

Why buy the cows, when you can get the milk for free?

Of course, both Aurelia and Mitch are shooting Louie, "Don't cheapen our scores, whore!" looks.

After tonight's performances, Pudgy knows better than to do the math for America and tell them how the numbers add up. Instead, it's a "three-way tie for the lead, never mind the tenth of a point differences between the three leaders (there are five total contestants, btw) because that wouldn't ever matter in a real competition like the Olympics or anything" and "the other two are very closely tied as well." GAH.

I bid you adieu (till next week) with a parting gift:

Who's going home, Gasmii?

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Posted in Celebrity Circus by T.Vo at 12:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Last Comment: T.Vo on Jul 1, 2008 05:14 PM.