I digress. But really, look, it's embarrassingly obvious how they need to fill the hour, because Dionne's best friend, Cynthia, sits down with Dionne in her house and re-watches last week's performance on a decidedly low-budget TV. It's not flatscreen! These people can afford flatscreens in their shoe closets! I am led to believe that the house Dionne walked into was a total prop.
"I always hated that you were prettier than me."
It also takes on that whole "humanizing of the celebrity" angle, as her Rent-A-Best-Friend Cynthia explains, "Stacey looks really intense on the show, but that's not who she is." Who is she, then? An indulgently lazy individual who apathetically tries circus acts for shits and giggles? Well, Dionne's wearing a shirt that says "God surfed." I can't read the rest. The editors get really effing bored, because they set up a gratuitous scene for the hotblooded males and Dionne lovers of the world. Someone brought matching cowboy hats.
OMG. Boobs! These boobs rule!
As a girl, I'm just disgusted with how blatant the 15 second shot is. I wonder if they'll just stick Antonio in the same hot tub with one of HIS best friends so that they can get the ratings up for the end of the show.
Let's get on with the show. This week, the judges get to select the act the celebrities will have to perform. Yawn. "I've got a fever and the only prescription is more bungee," declares Mitch Gaylord.
Dionne comes out and just flat out states that her act is not going to be as good as her first trapeze bungee effort. Well. Way to set my expectations low. Good strategy. Oh wait. She's just kidding - it has to be bigger! Better! Harder! Faster! Stronger! Also, she's attempting something called an ankle catch. My bug-bitten legs look worse than hers.
LET THE DIVA DUST DOWN / AND WAKE MY DREAMS! LET IT WASH AWAY / MY SANITY!
Something about that photo screams Hilary Duff songs to me. More so than the Natasha Bedingfield song that accompanies The Hills. Dionne wins me over again when she declares, "I'm taking it to the bank! You can't stop me! I can't lose!"
Despite my best attempts to not get emotionally attached to this show, I have been able to predict its behavior far too well. Guess what Dionne's performing to? A poppier remix of the "Let the rain fall down!" song (the name is actually Come Clean [Let the Rain Fall Down]). Shit.
There's a lot of pretty somersaulting as usual, but Dionne misses the trapeze bar on the upswing twice (sad!). However, three's a charm, but I worry she's going to be behind in the choreography. Oh noes. However, she's a pro and doesn't look too ruffled - I'm just wondering if there was any editing in the taping of this so that she got to catch up with the music. That's okay, no one cares, because look at her:
Someone missed the Bond Girl boat.
I'm a straight girl and even I'm feeling a bit flustered. Dionne does a straight dive downwards where a partner catches her ankles and launches her back up. It's fantastic. And her other errors don't really matter to me, because she clinches the ankle catch! At least I think she does.
Look Ma, no hands!
She tries it again at the end and can't quite catch it, but it's okay. The performance wasn't polished but it had heart. That's what should matter for at least half of the score!
Our judges speak. But first, Louie's shirt has something to say.
"You can survive a downturn in the economy by unbuttoning a few more and save on AC!"
He also says that while his fluorescent shirt needs an off button ('cause it's so bright), Dionne needs a temperature gauge because she too is hot, hot, hot! There's a lot of squealing and flailing -- oh, I've missed Louie.
There's more ego fellatio as Louie praises Dionne's never-gonna-give-it-upness, and her desire to be challenged. He calls her the heart of the competition. Is there any other competition? I don't think so. Louie acknowledges her hiccups and said that she showed the true spirit and she's a frontrunner to win. Woot.
Aurelia says that Dionne proved she's a real artist, because she kept smiling through technical difficulties. She doesn't bitch her out at all about the mistakes. Um, the next line is priceless so I suggest you savor it.
"Vee are not robots! Vee are people!"
Mitch regurgitates everything that he remembers from the Wheaties box about being a champion and having true focus and overcoming obstacles and setbacks. It's kind of endearing. Dionne made him proud. Woo, personal growth.
Yep, NBC's solar-powered averaging calculator = still busted.
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Comments (3)
Funny recap... but the show must have been a real snoozer!
I like that you don't care about those silly records... either.
1 of 3 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 16, 2008 8:37 AM
Oh, fire@will: I'm not sure what I'd do without you and the lovely folks who take the time to write in. This show is ending TONIGHT -- Hallelujah -- so we'll move on to greener grass soon. I hope! What have you been up to? *Hugs*
2 of 3 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on July 16, 2008 9:54 AM
Seems like you gasm cappers are always traveling . . . Good to hear of your girl crush on Dionne, and who could blame ya, I don't remember if she could actually act, but it would be nice to see more of her on some show, or a Clueless sequel where their kids are the ones strutting with the lingo and they are out of touch with the younger generation! Well, I didn't say I was gonna write it . . .
Wonder how the ratings were on this show, and also, how many votes they actually get per epi . . . I'd say not a lot based on the interest here, but what do I know.
Can I also say, I think Neilson ratings are Bullshit--did you know you have to be a household with Two adults and Two children, then you have do logs or something, or click in when it's you . . . it's totally redonk--is that how they are getting the youth count, I'm sorry, are not the millions of kids in college counting here--it's like when CD's went to sound scan instead of estimates, and suddenly the charts were all over the place, can't wait till DVR's are counted and the ratings systems are stripped bare and spanked till red hand prints are semi permanently tattooed on their derrieres!!!! Harrrrummmphhhh!!!
Well, I'm so in suspense as to who's gonna win this puppy, and I also say, F that, I'd so sooner dance with the c-list than hang and spin and ankle grab (okay, maybe not the last one) Toooo hard, I say!
So Tvo, thanks for the recap and the soapbox, and what's going to be your next show?
HEART
3 of 3 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 16, 2008 1:25 PM