Shouldn't you get disqualified if all four of your limbs are touching the ground? Suddenly, ASJ does a handstand while the silks rise in the air, pulling him with them. More fake-kissing.What a sensual seduction.
"I saw this in Cosmo."
And then, the two guys fight over the girl. Seabastian casts Shannon aside and kicks her to the curb. That was cold. ASJ and Sebastian each grab one of the silk ends and wind the other around their wrists. Together, they rise and spin together around an invisible maypole. Fight!
Like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but gayer.
NBC's not even attempting to have a creative voting phone number like 1-866 CRCUS. It's "1 866 I WANT" accompanied by a number. Hee. The crowd is getting into it, as ASJ gets rid of Sebastian and scoops up Shannon for a mid-air embrace and a lot of spinning around the ring. The poor girl tries to act out her fantasies by going in for a real kiss while ASJ is committed to the fake kiss. He ducks his head and she has to make out with his chin. Denied. ASJ's mommy is in the audience, and she's beaming with pride.
Let's meet our circus judges!
International (emphasis: INTERNATIONAL! THE WORLD! PARIS!) trapeze artist and contortionist, Aurelia Cats.
A bitchier, bendier Alyssa Milano.
Olympic gold medalist and gymnast, Mitch Gaylord, whose last name is probably still a sore point for him. Why isn't his riveting turn as a football player turned gymnast in American Anthem gone to DVD yet, when you can rent Gymkata from Blockbuster?
World renown choreographer, Louie Spence. He was in "Cats" and "Miss Saigon." So he's totes heterosexual, right. Until Louie spoke and gushed and word vomited everywhere, I didn't realize you could layer a lisp on top of a lisp, rendering half of the words indecipherable. He and Aurelia are going to be the Simons of the show, while Mitch is there as the complimenting Paula. Not sure who will take turns playing Randy, dawg.
"I want Mitch's last name!"
Aurelia literally purrs at ASJ and thanks his mom for making it such a pleasure to look at him (how Paula of her!) and Mitch states that the bar is high since Antonio's got circus blood and has a hot, athletic bod. Blah blah blah body weight versus lifting weight, yada yada yada...fantastic performance. Louie effusively thanks ASJ's mama in flamboyant Italian, proclaims that it was an amazing strong masculine performance full of virility, err fluidity, and that the intimate moments ASJ shouldn't worry about - Louie is hot and ready to teach him the ropes; in fact, he has an entire week free!
ASJ is used to men gushing all over him, while Pudgy Fatone awkwardly shuffles his feet and suppresses his jealousy. Feel free to correct me, but I have a teeny tiny suspicion that Louie MAY BE UNAMBIGUOUSLY GAY. Maybe.
ASJ on Flying Silks - Scores (which count for 50% of the vote):
Aurelia: 7
Mitch: 8
Louie: "OHHH, 8!"
ASJ Average: 7.7
The real reason why I chose to recap this show:
Old people aren't completely useless, they entertain me.
And yes, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm going to hell.
Previously on "To Catch a Predator"...
Pudgy Fatone chats it up with a little girl, and just as I'm about to call Chris Hansen, he reveals the girl is actually his daughter. Eww, Fatone spawn.
Act 2: Rachel Hunter
Unlike any LA spin class she's ever taken.
Cerceau is a giant suspended hula hoop that you can swing and suspend yourself from, as well as stand and sit on while spinning. Upper body strength and a high tolerance of spinning are key, since there's a shitload of spinning involved. Wheeeeeeee!
I fear that Rachel's ability to spin will be slowed down by her boobs. Just saying. This could make things harder. She looks absolutely exhausted in the training montage, but hell, I get winded and dizzy just by watching them do stuff on tv. She unleashes a barrage of New Zealand accented cursing and we learn about her three herniated discs.
Rachel is suspended 50 feet above a red carpet runway, with nothing to break her fall except concrete. Thanks, Pudgy, we know. Fake paparazzi guys with cameras line up on the ground (spotters dressed up to match the theme, probably) so naturally the music editor chose "Gimme More" by the Queen of the Paps, Britney herself. This is like an aerial version of So You Think You Can Dance. Plus props!
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Comments (6)
Another fine T.Vo recap!
I missed the show (something I plan to keep doing - I'm cutting back) but love your recaps.
BTW - in my roller hockey league, we would call someone who is 50 years old "the kid".
1 of 6 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on June 16, 2008 12:21 PM
Aww, fire@will, I'm so glad to see you -- it's hilarious how much they harp on Chris Knight's age as "old" (Joey, Mitch, Louie and everyone can't wrap their heads around it) but never mention that Stacey is 42 and glowing.
Do tell me about your roller hockey league!
2 of 6 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on June 16, 2008 1:50 PM
YAY!!! hey Tvo--so nice to be reading you again, and tho I wont watch this either, it's great to have your thorough eyes on it, and your biting snark to boot!!! Great recap, and I love the judges comments!!!! LOL, zay are great!!!
I never thought I'd be attracted to Peter, but in those caps, he's looking kinda hawt to me . . . and had no idea Stacy was 28 during clueless . . . .she's sooo pretty and should be working, how'd she get this gig . . . wouldn't a Clueless sequel be almost as good and SexATC . . . Ms. Silverstone ain't done much either . . . and what does happen to Val's as they age . . . hmmm . . .
The clown link was priceless BTW . . . hard to see the fear there, and kuddo's to the clown for carrying on . . . hope she got cured, coz it must be hard to go through life and perform as a functioning adult with such a debilitating fear!!!!
3 of 6 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on June 16, 2008 3:09 PM
I refuse to watch this show for precisely all the reasons insinuated above: trashy, stupid, horrible wardrobe but still not ever as cathartic or calorie-filled as America's Next Top Model.
That said, I love this recap and T.Vo in general. Keep it up!
4 of 6 | Posted by magaliiiii | Posted on June 17, 2008 10:01 AM
why you gotta ruin terrible shows, tam. keep the squawk box hot.
5 of 6 | Posted by davidecorcoran | Posted on June 17, 2008 10:58 PM
this is the best show ever! I don;t know what you guys are ta;lking about. especially the wardrobe. its amazing. almost as perfect as those american gladiator outfits...
6 of 6 | Posted by dinalicious75 | Posted on July 3, 2008 7:34 PM