Testimonials

Unfortunately, her outfit looks like it lost a fight with a paper shredder. She sails back and forth on the ring and comes down to the red carpet. If only that annoying Cover Girl commercial with Queen Latifah had a Cercau performer in it; that would make it 100 times less lame. There's momentary technical difficulties or something 'cause we cut to a random in the crowd clapping with her child. Rachel pirouettes with one foot on the red carpet, and I am duly impressed by her pointed toes and lines. Damn, she may not be an athlete but she sure looks graceful doing it.

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! SHE HAS ONE LEG!

The other two aerialists join her on their rings and then Rachel goes into an upside down split that is also impressive. The only thing is that her routine feels like disparate tricks and poses, and they don't flow together super-smoothly. She also screws her eyes shut while she spins, but I don't blame her for that. Inverted split!

Damn. Just...damn.

She looks fantastic, but I doubt Louie will want to give her intimacy lessons. Time for three's company, cerceau-style.

Of course this is a family attraction, it just looks like breast-feeding.

Rachel's visibly dizzy as she dismounts, but I am still impressed by her lines and dedication to toe-pointing. And for not popping out of her top when hanging upside down. She looks vaguely similar to some other women on NBC.

Celebrity American Gladiator?

Aurelia, not one to mince words, likes Rachel's costume and thanks her for pointing her toes. Maybe she's half-Paula, half-Simon after all. "But you are missing some tricks, no? Spinning ees good, but you should do eet faster!" Um, okay. Mitch gracefully says that Rachel is a natural beauty but perhaps not a natural athlete, but that she performed as if she were in her element. Louie applauds Rachel for her versatility, lovely lines and beautiful feet, and says she'll shine in the Spanish web. But he wants more content, more choreo! And jazz hands! Whatever, Louie can't even end a sentence with a period, everything is an exclamation.

Rachel Hunter's Cerceau Scores
Aurelia: 6 (BOOOOO, says the crowd)
Mitch: 7
Louie: 7
Rachel's Average: 6.7

Act 3: Wee Man

Wee Man is fearless and excited about what he calls a "huge adult amusement park." But he's also kind of graceless, as his Jackass-ian exploits have shown, so choreography and flair of movement will get him. At least here he's attempting to be safe about his stunts.

Life. Is. So. Hard.

He also knows he can use his personality to get under the skin of his competitors, and awesomely taunts Rachel and Blu. They laugh with him though, 'cause it's hard to be intimidated by someone who comes up only to your knees.

They lose their shirts, you lose your lunch.

Head guy Frenchie insults Wee Man by calling him Jason. "Because Jason THINKS he's a dare devil, I gave him the hardest apparatus." Someone has a chip on their shoulder from not making it to the Olympics...plus Wee Man makes way more than Frenchie does. I remember the Wheel of Death on the Barnum and Bailey Brothers Circus VHS tape my parents in the early '90s. I could've sworn that in addition to two guys, there was a tiger!

Wee Man is going to look ridiculous in any circus get up they put him in, because well, it's circus gear. It's either spandex unitards or paisley or velvet vests and pants. Or, my favorite, the Puffy Shirt. He takes a minute to say,"Look. I know I'm a dwarf. But my body type does not mean that I'm challenged. Don't judge a book by its cover."

Oh, another saying that I absolutely loathe. I DEFINITELY judge a book by its cover, and I was an English major in college. The crappy books always had awful fonts and stock photos on them, and rightfully so. Flimsy covers = sleep-aid, the kind of book you attempt to start reading in bed and then wake up to find its pages trying to smother you. Awesome book covers are not overrated.

The Wheel O'Death was banned from the circus for 20 years. No big deal. Wee Man isn't scared at all. He doesn't appear to have any safety strap or harness on while he's inside the Wheel. Quiet Riot's "Come on, Feel the Noise" is appropriately playing. Do you think this is any easier because of his lower center of gravity?

Or just a ploy to make us think of hamsters?

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Posted in Celebrity Circus by T.Vo at 11:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: dinalicious75 on Jul 3, 2008 07:34 PM.