Testimonials

As the Wheel of Death rotates faster and faster, Wee Man does some forward jumps and lands on his feet. And then he clambers on the OUTSIDE of the Wheel for a few revolutions. Again, no big deal. He has a safety harness for this bit, but serious injury is only a misstep away.

In case you didn't notice, the other wheel is on fire.

Even though the judges will probably chastise him for lack of "flair" and "choreography," the audience is captivated. Let me sum up the crowd reaction:

...and that is where babies come from, Annie.

The judges weigh in, and try to act nonchalant about Wee Man's death-defying. Aurelia's excited to see him go outside the ring, and how dangerous eet was, eh? Mitch compares this to Wee Man's Jackass stunts and is impressed by his restraint, discipline, focus, crowd engagement, and regard for safety. He points out that it got a bit out of control at the end, though. Louie, unsurprisingly, decides to make this all about dicks. "I didn't feel the suspense or raw power, you didn't make me gasp for breath. I know that big surprises come in small packages, but I want to see what's COMING."

Wee Man's Wheel of Death scores
Aurelia: 8 (Impressive)
Mitch: 7
Louie: 5 (WTF?! Robbed!)
Wee Man's Average: 6.7

The 5 really makes no sense, as the Wheel of Death is usually a 2-person performance piece (they didn't show the person in the other wheel) so Wee Man didn't have as much to work with.

Act 4: Stacey Dash

For the trapeze artist with no friends.

The woman is now 42, but has somehow cryogenically froze herself in time. She looks exactly the way she did in Clueless (both the film and the later tv show!) and it's mind-boggling. That's a circus act in itself: The Never-Aging Woman. OMG, Dionne! I can't stop calling her Dionne, so I won't.

Dionne resignedly interviews say that she's best known for her role in Clueless, and wonders why she doesn't have a career beyond bit parts and music videos. It's probably because of people like me, who can't really imagine her being any other character. She's absolutely gorgeous, and yeah, I have a girl-crush on her. She played a convincing high schooler when she was 28, people. I don't even know if I could do that when I'm 28, and I've got the Asian Aging Complex working for me (you look under 30 till you hit 40 or so, and then you look 30 till you just look generically old).

Frenchie consoles her after she bursts into tears, and he goes so far as to tell her she can learn things faster than anyone else, and can win it. Deluding your pupils is a great motivational tool. Dionne cries out in pain from the waist harness. A few x-rays later, turns out her 10th rib is broken. Aw. Of course, she decides not to quit (contractual obligation?).

"The thing that drives me is the inability to quit. And bad eyeshadow."

To the tune of Rihanna's "Shut Up and Drive," Dionne starts bouncing and flipping and swinging. Sure, you have a broken rib, and it's probably universally acknowledged that you're the most attractive of the bunch, but meh. However, she is grabbing attention in other ways.

Two reasons why this isn't on ABC Family.

Now I know where it is!

Dionne does incorporate more "dancing" and "choreo" into this routine, and flips her hair quite a bit. She also keeps her eyes open more than Rachel does, but hell, she has a secure waist harness on. Grande finale - she flips herself off the trapeze bar and does an endless series of somersaults. Bravo. I bet she wants to puke, but she makes a pretty cool-looking Space Mermaid.

"When I was a leetle girl, ma petite chou, I did zee world festival in Paris - you know where Paris ees? I had zee broken rib. I know what eet takes to work on eet! I am zee world class trapeze artist, AURELIA!"

Mitch picks his jaw off the table and just says WOW WOW WOW WOW.

"So fab I am giving you TWO HANDS ON HIPS."

Louie's reaction cannot be paraphrased. "WELL MISS THANG, HERE WE GO AMERICA! You are dishing it up, not only serving it up Ms. Dash, you knocked it out every discipline you can do with a broken rib, and you've got a man of my persuasion staring at places I didn't think were possible. I'm telling you, YOU ARE FIERCE GIRL."

Stacey's Trapeze Bungee scores
Aurelia: 8
Mitch: 8 ("Eight-cha-cha!"
Louie: 8 ("OCHO!")
Dionne's Average Score: 8
Broken rib = highest score? Yep. But it totally helps that she's captivating to look at.

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Posted in Celebrity Circus by T.Vo at 11:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: dinalicious75 on Jul 3, 2008 07:34 PM.