"I think it's bullscrap actually, but actually, for I had 8 weeks to do this and I did a damn good job, and if I trained as much as you did, I'd probably beat you [Aurelia]. Secondly, the public has my back." Ooooh, the pot has been stirred! The gauntlet has been thrown!
Aurelia: HOW LONG TO DO WHAT?!
Louie: LISTEN, NO...BLU...
Pudgy doesn't know what to do. So he lets the circus people tie his leg to the Spanish Web (protesting all the while) and provides some comic relief to cut the awkward tension.
Count Chocula lives!
If Blu's performance wasn't filler enough, we get some deep thoughts from our celebs.
On competition
ASJ: Compete hard.
Wee Man: This competition is raging.
Rachel: It makes you competitive.
Dionne.: I think I have to up my game.
On what they bring to the competition
ASJ: I love the challenge.
Blu: I bring absolutely no talent.
Janet: I was trained to win.
Wee Man: I bring...a couple of screws loose.
On winning
Wee Man: You can't just show up, you have to prove you can do it.
Janet: You have to make it look like you've been doing this your entire life.
Dionne: Showmanship. So important.
Peter Brady: The person who makes it look easy wins.
I've had more insightful fortune cookies.They fellate each other's egos for a bit, and then we find out that Act 6, Peter Brady (Chris Knight), has a broken arm. You already know how he broke it; it was the reason why I am recapping this show. But could he possibly have been distracted by?
"I probably shouldn't be joining the circus at my age. I'm 50. My crotch really, really loves it." - Chris Knight
Re-enacting The Fall of Man.
Frenchie decides the giant Vetruvian Wheel is not the way to go after the guy's broken his arm attempting it. So Chris is partnered with a gal who has never really done the high wire either. Excellent.His first efforts on the low wire remind me of someone with vertigo doing ballet. Let's emphasize his elderly status a lot, okay, NBC?
"I think I'm pushing myself to the physical limit - with the body parts I have left. Do I hope I win?" asks Peter Brady rhetorically. "I just hope I LIVE."
To further emphasize how old Peter Brady's gotten, his high wire routine is set to "Ready, Steady, Go" by Paul Oakenfold. You know, the song you've heard on car commercials. There's a safety harness involved, which is a relief to see. He makes it halfway across (huzzah) when he encounters a herald angel suspended by more wire. Only this angel hails from Victoria's Secret Heaven. She blindfolds him.
"Christopher, my eyes are up here."
Meanwhile, the WinAmp psychedelic visualizer plays in the background. The audience is worried Peter Brady is gonna die or have a heart attack up in the air. He makes it safely across, blindfolded. His partner clambers up on his shoulders and balances herself. Does her safety harness make it easier on the two of them?
What a second midlife crisis will do to you.
. "People don't realize it, but you're 50 years old. And you got a broken arm," says Pudgy Fatone, after Chris is safely on the ground. What an ass. Aurelia praises Chris for mastering a hard and dangerous category, and asks for more showmanship next time. Mitch rambles for a bit and then yelps, "Old guys rule!" Louie doesn't get excited about high wires or old guys, usually, but when they're blindfolded and carrying a chick on their shoulders, he's impressed. Also, he thinks Chris' little walk is cute.Chris' high wire scores
Aurelia: 6
Mitch: 7
Louie: 7
Chris' Average: 6.7
Act 7: Swimming champ Janet Evans
Commence punning about gold medals and going for gold and being a fish out of water (har har) because she's a SWIMMER who now has to do something in AIR.
Janet, 36, won her first medal at the '88 Olympics and then again in '92. She's doing this for her 18-month-old baby, whose birth appears to not have affected Janet's chiseled abs or hips at all. She is going to give ASJ a run for his money, because you can do whatever you want, if you give 110%, says Janet. Again with the stupid arbitrary percentages! I'll take your 110% percent and raise you imaginary number percent!
Janet's been paired with Christine on the Duo Trapeze because they have similar body types. Duo trapeze requires lots of muscle resistance and a very good balance, evidently, and teamwork because two people have to share an oversized trapeze rung. Frenchie is excited because Janet's work ethic is the shit.
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Comments (6)
Another fine T.Vo recap!
I missed the show (something I plan to keep doing - I'm cutting back) but love your recaps.
BTW - in my roller hockey league, we would call someone who is 50 years old "the kid".
1 of 6 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on June 16, 2008 12:21 PM
Aww, fire@will, I'm so glad to see you -- it's hilarious how much they harp on Chris Knight's age as "old" (Joey, Mitch, Louie and everyone can't wrap their heads around it) but never mention that Stacey is 42 and glowing.
Do tell me about your roller hockey league!
2 of 6 | Posted by T.Vo | Posted on June 16, 2008 1:50 PM
YAY!!! hey Tvo--so nice to be reading you again, and tho I wont watch this either, it's great to have your thorough eyes on it, and your biting snark to boot!!! Great recap, and I love the judges comments!!!! LOL, zay are great!!!
I never thought I'd be attracted to Peter, but in those caps, he's looking kinda hawt to me . . . and had no idea Stacy was 28 during clueless . . . .she's sooo pretty and should be working, how'd she get this gig . . . wouldn't a Clueless sequel be almost as good and SexATC . . . Ms. Silverstone ain't done much either . . . and what does happen to Val's as they age . . . hmmm . . .
The clown link was priceless BTW . . . hard to see the fear there, and kuddo's to the clown for carrying on . . . hope she got cured, coz it must be hard to go through life and perform as a functioning adult with such a debilitating fear!!!!
3 of 6 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on June 16, 2008 3:09 PM
I refuse to watch this show for precisely all the reasons insinuated above: trashy, stupid, horrible wardrobe but still not ever as cathartic or calorie-filled as America's Next Top Model.
That said, I love this recap and T.Vo in general. Keep it up!
4 of 6 | Posted by magaliiiii | Posted on June 17, 2008 10:01 AM
why you gotta ruin terrible shows, tam. keep the squawk box hot.
5 of 6 | Posted by davidecorcoran | Posted on June 17, 2008 10:58 PM
this is the best show ever! I don;t know what you guys are ta;lking about. especially the wardrobe. its amazing. almost as perfect as those american gladiator outfits...
6 of 6 | Posted by dinalicious75 | Posted on July 3, 2008 7:34 PM