NBC's Celebrity Cooking Showdown may have tanked in the ratings (fourth place), but I still checked it out. How could I not? I'd already hyped it up with two posts last month. Besides, I just had to see how Naomi Campbell and Sandra Lee would co-exist in the same room. Surely some fur would be flying. Well, turns out Naomi was nowhere to be found (probably because of that whole court case against her), and Sandra Lee was totally MIA (she was probably passed out under a doily after having imbibed a pitcher of her beer margaritas). Without these two queen bees, I wasn't sure how I'd be able to get through this hour, but at least I had the dulcet tones of Alan Thicke's voice. And then there was Cindy Margolis's heaving bosom. Strange how she always seemed to be bending over to get something. Truth is that I really love the premise of this show. The execution? Well... it makes you pine for Alton Brown and the whole Iron Chef gang.
On the plus side, Celebrity Cooking Showdown is fairly engaging. I found myself drawn into the event, despite fake audience enthusiasm and the silly contrivances the producers threw in (such as "missing ingredients"). On the downside, Alan Thicke's banal commentary was more distracting than helpful. It was clearly all added in post-production -- we could tell by the way he lilted his voice at the end of every comment as if he were reading a list of lines. His entire play-by-play effort had the disengaged, generic sound of Al Michaels on Madden 2006. There was no sense of urgency or spontaneity, let alone any traces of educational factoids. Then there were the judges. I enjoyed Gael Greene's crotchety remarks, mostly because she sounded like the sort of woman who spends all her free time browsing through Zabar's. But Colin Cowie -- this guy just has to go. It's bad enough that he coordinated Rob and Amber's wedding, but must we hear his take on Tony Gonzales' penne à la vodka too?
For those of you uninitiated to the ways of Celebrity Cooking Showdown, here's how it works. Three celebrities are paired with a professional chef each night. They must create a gourmet three-course meal for two judges in fifty minutes or less. Each judge will grade each meal for taste and presentation. There are three nights of competition (nine celebs total), and the chef with the highest score each night will move onto a finals round. There, they will cook again, and then the audience at home will vote on their favorite chef -- which doesn't really make sense since we can't taste the food. Anyway, on the fifth night, a champion is anointed, and on day six, the entire bonanza is cancelled. Anyway, let's take a look back at all the boobs, burns, and blunders of the competition.
Thicke and Mandel? FINALLY!
Off the bat, I'm incredibly concerned. The hour begins with Alan Thicke appearing on Deal or No Deal in an effort to drag the audience over to Celebrity Cooking Showdown. I've always felt strongly that these two men should never be in the same room together, and my fears are soon realized when they engage in some mind-numbingly awful badinage.
"Your show's cookin'!" Alan Thicke says, praising the game show.
"No, YOUR show's cooking!" Howie replies. Get it? Because it's a cooking show.
"Well, that's nice of you to say." Alan responds, as if we really believe that he's too dense to get the joke.
"No, no, no, literally, your show's cooking," Howie then says. OH! NOW I get it! Thanks for spelling it out!
After a few more lines of atrocious dialogue, Alan says "Meal or No Meal" (groan) and then runs off the set to the neighboring sound stage. Inside is NBC's faux Kitchen Stadium where a rowdy audience cheers Mr. Thicke's very presence.
Yay male plastic surgery!
If Jessica and Ashlee Simpson had a love child, it would be that random girl in the audience.
The opening credits roll, and I'm fairly disarmed by the remixed version of "Dude Looks Like A Lady" that serves as the show's theme song. It doesn't really make sense. Literally. This is a cooking show, not a transgender exposé. Anyway, our celebs and their chefs soon emerge. The teams: Wolfgang Puck and model Cindy Margolis, Cat Cora and football star Tony Gonzales, and Govind Armstrong and actress Alison Sweeney. Let's get cookin'!
It's the battle of the face-lifts!
These two are my favorite. However, I can't help noticing that Cat's breasts are just barely higher than Tony's groin.
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Comments (16)
OMG this was classic TVGasm. seriously, i would never watch this show, but all the captions of ms margolis' assets was pure hilarity.
also, you captions for nearly all were comedy gold.
also, i didnt get the football pun you made....anyone? little help?
1 of 16 | Posted by jash
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Posted on April 18, 2006 4:01 PM
Bore. Ing. Get taught a dish and then see if you can manage it a few days later -- with the ingredients pre-portioned.
Plus, the "celebrities" were like the "popular" kids in my high school -- you kinda know who they are, but don't care if they live or die; or confuse them with all the other "popular" kids you don't care about, one of whom might have been murdered or arrested.
I wish Cat Cora didn't attach herself to this, because I really think she should have been in the running for the Food Network's sexiest star. She rocks in the kitchen, and better yet, loves to drink; but LOSE the t.v.-friendly curls and the cheerleader role. You're better than that.
I want to see Grace Jones, Pee Wee Herman, and Mini Me in a life or death culinary struggle.
And why does Alan Thicke have a job?
2 of 16 | Posted by holyterror
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Posted on April 18, 2006 4:06 PM
Jash -- the football pun was using the word "audible." It's a term that's used when a play is changed at the line of scrimmage. e.g. "calling an audible."
3 of 16 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on April 18, 2006 4:08 PM
Thinking that The Apprentice was coming on, I tuned in and watched it for about 5 minutes,got bored and turned the tv off. Like holyterror pointed out, the "celebrities" had pre-portioned ingredients and had learned how to make the dishes a couple of days before. So where's the suspense? A slightly better reality food show is Top Chef on Bravo. The first couple of episodes weren't that interesting but now that the chefs' personalities are coming out and the tasks are getting more twisted, the show is turning out not to be so bad. Plus the people on that show are actually professional chefs so it's doubly funny when they screw up the meals. Unlike this show where the "celebrities" are clueless, they know they are clueless, and NBC thinks we're going to be entertained. No wonder their ratings are in the toilet.
4 of 16 | Posted by Aries
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Posted on April 18, 2006 4:38 PM
Haha oh man. Blitzed with hilarity? Luftballoons? IT'S LIKE A PARTY IN HERE
5 of 16 | Posted by m_ruv
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Posted on April 18, 2006 5:36 PM
Tried to watch and couldn't stay awake. In my drowzy state I deleted it. So sad that I missed so many glimpses of Cindy's boobies but thanks for providing them.
6 of 16 | Posted by RMMommy
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Posted on April 18, 2006 5:36 PM
You had me laughing so hard I cried. I guess that made watching this disaster worth it. Thanks B-Side.
7 of 16 | Posted by mountain_girl
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Posted on April 18, 2006 7:32 PM
Around 10 years ago, Cindy Margolis was in that informercial with Don Lapre, the guy with the "Making Money Package." All you had to do was place "tiny classified ads" in the paper, and you could make like $7,000 a week. It was an entertaining infomercial, because Don and Cindy would be sitting in some cabana, and he'd get really hyper about how easy it was and how much money he was making, and she'd just say, "Uh-huh, Don, tell me more." He went bankrupt, and now he sells "amazing" vitamins over the internet.
8 of 16 | Posted by Casey
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Posted on April 18, 2006 9:25 PM
I am not ashamed to admit that I watchd it and I LIKED it! It made me want to eat something!
9 of 16 | Posted by zoobabe
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Posted on April 18, 2006 10:21 PM
I also watched. I admit it. I am a reality chef/cook contest show whore. I watch Iron Chef, Iron Chef America, Next Food Network Star, Top Chef, Hell's Kitchen, etc.
Based on the judge's comments, I really thought Allison was going to win. Her dishes were foods that I would eat.
10 of 16 | Posted by herkxena
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Posted on April 19, 2006 4:21 AM
I watched the whole damn thing. And, I actually got mad at the ending. Damn that show for putting me through that torture!! I thought Allison performed much better than the other two contestants did. If you watched until the end, Cindy kept referring to the laminated recipe that was provided. And all she did at the end was torch the baked Alaska while Wolfgang did all the work. Big titie Bitch!
I have to agree B-side, some Iron Chef style commentary was desperately needed.
NBC actually makes the food network look like friggin programming geniuses.
11 of 16 | Posted by 3G_Phil
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Posted on April 19, 2006 4:37 AM
I watched it and enjoyed it. The whole hour went by surprisingly fast. I was a little disappointed that Alison Sweeney lost, being the total Days and Sami fan that I am, but hey. Maybe she can come back and sabotage everyone else!
I'm sorry I missed the Deal or No Deal appearance. Two of Canada's greatest exports on one stage? The surge of patriotic pride I would have felt...
12 of 16 | Posted by Tabby Lavalamp
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Posted on April 19, 2006 5:28 AM
I watched this for a grand total of 5 minutes.
First, how can the audience cheer people cooking? I just don't see that much visible action going on for some NBC concierge(or whoever) egging people on to cheer for THAT long.
Second, calling Cindy Margolis a "celebrity" is stretching it, like her face. Man did she rack up some plastic surgery bills. She just now looks like someone's pretty mom.
So are host cameos(trump, thicke) the norm for Deal or no Deal?
So why did Wolfgang Puck agree to do this show? He didn't have any more cameos on Las Vegas anymore? I see a lot of bored people in Hollywood that agreed to do this show. I don't even recognize any of the other "celebrity" contestants.
Fox can give them a 1-2 punch wih season 2 of Hell's Kitchen. shutitdown.
13 of 16 | Posted by BigTeebo
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Posted on April 19, 2006 7:08 AM
I recorded this and watched it yesterday. The crowd cheering is so annoying. Thanks for providing pics of what I missed, B-Side!
Damn Cindy and those titties - I wanted Tony to keep going! For some reason, I laughed out loud when Cat Cora was teaching him 'flambé' and the flame went way high and Tony just screamed "What's wrong with you!?" like she was going to burn his kitchen down. Cute...
Oh and I caught a little bit of last night's episode and freaking Ashley Parker Angel won his round? WTF. The guy is so dumb!
14 of 16 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on April 19, 2006 8:40 AM
Remember how the networks take something really good and then squeeeeeeeeze the life out of it like blood from a rock and repackage it as their own? Yeah, I'm reminded every night. Also, a propos of nothing, remember how the lead singer of Creed and Kid Rock were in naked in a video together? Makes me laugh every time.
15 of 16 | Posted by Trent880
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Posted on April 19, 2006 9:17 AM
I rarely post. I am usually not inspired to do so, but I just have to make a comment. This show was like a REAL BAD HOME-ECONOMICS CLASS.
With Cindy Margolis' hair falling in the food, and all the finger licking going on, I thought I was going to vomit. And no one even washed their hands before they started cooking! I feel for those judges who have to taste this food. Uggh.
16 of 16 | Posted by trppin31
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Posted on April 20, 2006 1:18 PM