TVgasm Recaps

Let's say you're NBC, and you want to make your own version of Iron Chef. But let's say you also want to make your own version of Dancing with the Stars too. And just for kicks, you think to yourself, "Is there a way we can add Diddy to this?" Well, Presto Change-o! We've got a new NBC event! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you CELEBRITY COOKING SHOWDOWN!

Airing this April for a whole week, Deal or No Deal style, Celebrity Cooking Showdown (or as I like to call it, CCS) will pair celebrities with chefs in a fierce battle of wits, bravery, and paprika. For the first three episodes, the stars will train with their culinary sensei, and then for the last two episodes, the teams will square off in a timed battle, Iron Chef style (which means the professionals will do all the heavy lifting while the celebs will keep busy by stirring pots and opening ovens). Oh, and to top everything off, Diddy will preside over the activities. He'll be serving as exec-producer, but I wouldn't be surprised to see him take a Chairman-like role -- perhaps biting into a squash instead of a pepper.

Also joining Diddy in this venture is producer Ben Silverman who told Variety, "We've been desperate to do cooking in primetime, and who's more primetime than Diddy?" Honestly, that doesn't even make sense.

Diddy, meanwhile, had this to say about his show: "The sexiest trend going on right now is young men learning how to cook. There's nothing more sensual than a man cooking for his woman." Of course, this has nothing to do with a celebrity cooking showdown, but we appreciate the observation. Maybe Diddy would feel more at home directing a commercial for Barilla Pasta? For more information, Variety has the full article, replete with obligatory typos (such as referring to Diddy as "Combs Diddy").

I give props to The Surreal Life and Dancing with the Stars for culling bizarre, hodgepodge collections of celebrities for their respective casts, but nothing compares to the potpourri of star power on NBC's upcoming Celebrity Cooking Showdown. Variety reports today that the inaugural season of CCS will feature the following aspiring culinary wizards:

• Rapper Ja Rule (way to earn back that street cred!)
• Country star Big Kenny (of Big and Rich)
• Football pro-bowler Tony Gonzalez
• Volleyballer Gabrielle Reece
• General gadabout Tom Arnold
• Soap star Alison Sweeney
• Miss USA 2005 Chelsea Cooler
• Former boybander and present GENIUS Ashlely Parker Angel
• and über supermodel / raging bitch, Naomi Campbell.

NBC's Celebrity Cooking Showdown may have tanked in the ratings (fourth place), but I still checked it out. How could I not? I'd already hyped it up with two posts last month. Besides, I just had to see how Naomi Campbell and Sandra Lee would co-exist in the same room. Surely some fur would be flying. Well, turns out Naomi was nowhere to be found (probably because of that whole court case against her), and Sandra Lee was totally MIA (she was probably passed out under a doily after having imbibed a pitcher of her beer margaritas). Without these two queen bees, I wasn't sure how I'd be able to get through this hour, but at least I had the dulcet tones of Alan Thicke's voice. And then there was Cindy Margolis's heaving bosom. Strange how she always seemed to be bending over to get something. Truth is that I really love the premise of this show. The execution? Well... it makes you pine for Alton Brown and the whole Iron Chef gang.

It seemed so wonderful. It seemed like the perfect fit. And yet, it completely sucked. I'm talking about Celebrity Cooking Showdown, NBC's culinary competition that has been welcomed by viewers like a deflated soufflé at Le Bernadin. I was so excited for this Diddy-produced series, especially when the then-colorful cast was revealed (originally, Ja Rule, Naomi Campbell, and Sandra Lee were to participate. They were replaced by Cindy Margolis, Patti LaBelle, and empty space). But then I caught the first episode of this ratings bomb, and it was clear this project had not been thought through. Viewers couldn't judge how the food tasted, the dishes weren't particularly fascinating, and truth be told, Alan Thicke's play-by-play was horrendous (if you ask me, that's what turned off most of the viewers). Well, today, the inevitable happened. NBC cancelled this half-baked series, banishing the remaining two episodes to the Internet. Sorry, Diddy. It was a good idea. Next time, don't rush it out the gate. And for the love of all things flambéed, don't leave the fate of your show in Alan Thicke's hands!