Remember how couple of recaps ago I told of Dr. Drew's assertion that people have "different detox arcs"? Well, I guess episode four proves that Jeff Conaway's arc stays flat for a long time and then suddenly goes headlong into hell at a slippery forty-five degree angle.
Martha Plimpton? What are you doing here?
The episode started off with Rodney King trying to physically get Conaway out of bed. I would think that Rodney's advice would be that if one is in pain they should just stay down but what do I know? On second thought, that really didn't serve Rodney well either.
Once Jeff got out of bed, the group and the world was shown his massive surgery scar that literally runs from the top of his neck all the way to his butt. Gruesome stuff. What really scares the hell out of me is that Conaway's situation isn't due to a car accident or anything even relatively traumatic (at least recently).
He hurt his back while filming Grease, but what led to the surgeries was simply aggravation of that injury via lifting boxes. If anyone reading this ever comes to my house, I apologize in advance for the boxes all over the floor.
Hey John sure I'll help you move.
During group session, Tawny Kitaen tried to minimize Conaway's pain by offering that she had gone through childbirth. I hate when women do this. Childbirth is a choice. Painful, I'm sure, but, a choice. Jeff has to live like this for the foreseeable future, and possibly, for the rest of his life.
So Tawny, Julie, or whoever you are; don't say that ever again or I will stop referring to you as a hot chick and begin designating you an "old broad". You've been warned.
Basically Conaway wants to have another back surgery, which of course would lead to more pain pills. Coincidence? Stay tuned.
Dr. Drew's main message to close the session was that everyone had to stop the cycle of repeating the same thought processes (and actions) over and over. I agree. Amber Smith's supple ass Amber Smith's supple ass Amber Smith's supple ass Amber Smith's supple ass Amber Smith's supple ass Amber Smith's supple ass Amber Smith's supple ass Amber Smith's supple ass Amber Smith's supple ass Amber Smith's supple ass Amber Smith's supple ass Amber Smith's supple ass.
You're not helping.
Wait a second what was I doing again? Oh yeah, writing about Amber Smith's supple ass. Anyway, Amber Smith was mentally preparing for (and dreading) her mother's visit. Dr. Drew is going to try to convince her mom to get into treatment and she is worried that will alienate her mom and possibly lead to her estranging Amber or committing suicide.
Dr. Drew decided to bring Nikki Mc Kibben in to give Amber some perspective on what can happen when a loved one does not get help. (For all those who don't remember Mc Kibben's mom died after having a heart attack while doing drugs with Nikki).
Some fun stuff learned during this conversation included: Amber started working at age eleven (and at Hooters at age fifteen) in order to provide income after her father left and her mother started becoming debilitated by drugs. Mc Kibben's mom taught her how to do coke when she was fifteen; she literally showed her how to physically make a line and snort it. If anyone can figure out some funny comments about forced child labor or gross parental negligence e-mail them to Tvgasm.com and maybe someone will read them before transferring them to their recycle bin. Amber Smith's supple ass.
It's not like she made me a child whore or anything. What's the bfd?
After hearing that bunch of awful crap, Dr. Drew decided to help Jeff deal with some of his pain issues by assigning him a massage therapist (Sara Ivanhoe). She was introduced to Jeff while Rodney was giving him a back message. See, that's all you need.
What people don't realize is that after the police beat the crap out of him Rodney King got a nice back rub by Big Bruce (Big Bruce was his cell mate) and that made everything all right. Can't we all just get along? Why sure Rodney, sure we can. Just cover up some of those ugly bruises and take down them underoos, and Big Bruce will make everything all right.
« Amazing Race: Adultery: It Does a Relationship Good | Main | Charm School: Double Penetration »
Comments (19)
enough of amber's ass. it was funny for awhile, but then wrecked fabulously, funny recap.
did you notice how amber's mom is a human bulldog? her whole, bottom teeth just jut out. which may have made it difficult for to talk clearly.
i couldn't believe she told her daughter that her life would be better if she had a boyfriend. way to build up her cofidence, bull dog lady.
keep the recaps coming, maybe a bit longer so there is more to enjoy.
1 of 19 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on November 20, 2008 3:20 PM
Dude, that "Amber Smith's supple ass" thing is SO OVER. 'K? Thanks.
I guess it was cute at first, but, way to dehumanize the girl, dude. Reduce her to body parts, why don't you.
As for Jeff, back surgery is really a no-win situation. It hardly ever works, so you are doomed to pain one way or another. (I haven't had it, but know people who have.) I wonder if Jeff could get one of those nerve-blocking things like Jerry Lewis has. You just flip a switch when you are in pain and there are no narcotics involved.
Anyway, people who are in pain and need help don't always act the way we might like. That is what makes it tough.
Where was Gary?
2 of 19 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on November 20, 2008 7:17 PM
Oh, I forgot to say:
Do you get paid by the word? That whole Amber Smith thing sure makes it seem like it! It's like when we had to write our first essay in junior high and padded it out to make the minimum words required.
Well, some of us did. I never had that problem (you can probably guess).
3 of 19 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on November 20, 2008 7:19 PM
I stopped reading after the tenth chauvanist reference to a patient's body part. I'll admit, it was kinda funny at first, but when you went on and on and on and on...it became exceedingly stupid. Stop beating the dead horse. And by dead horse, I mean stop beating off to Celebrity Rehab. Snark is funny. Blatant sexism makes you seem shallow and uneducated. Dehumanizing, indeed.
4 of 19 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on November 20, 2008 8:55 PM
we get it. you think she is hot---moving on.... not funny and/or endearing.
5 of 19 | Posted by Caddy222 | Posted on November 20, 2008 9:23 PM
I really like Amber - a lot of her problems seem to be linked to her relationship with her mother (and the way some people treat her because of her looks). I almost choked when she compared her own (far superior) looks to those of Pam Anderson. No matter how blessed you may seem to everyone else, you can still have low self esteem.
I hope Jeff gets well, but I'm tired of watching him wallow.
6 of 19 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 20, 2008 10:56 PM
What the fuck,I couldn't even finish reading this shit. Get over Amber's ass already and write a decent recap.
7 of 19 | Posted by Poopsicle | Posted on November 21, 2008 6:20 AM
seriously, who wants to kill you right now for this "supple ass" recap?! Enough! I won't be reading anymore - go wack it in the shower and get over it already!! BOOOO!!
8 of 19 | Posted by momoya | Posted on November 21, 2008 10:00 AM
Reading these comments in reaction to the A.S.S.A. thing is almost as uncomfortable as watching Celebrity Rehab itself. Everybody makes mistakes. Abuse plus genetics equals addiction to supple ass. Let the healing begin.
9 of 19 | Posted by eguy | Posted on November 21, 2008 12:40 PM
Ah man, is Treadingonme recapping this show again? I can't tell through all the obnoxious misogyny and superior attitude.
TAWM, this recap was great before, don't f- it up please.
10 of 19 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on November 21, 2008 6:20 PM
While I too was annoyed with the whole amber thing after a while, I think I get why you did that. The topics raised on this show are very uncomfortable and serious which makes it touch to crack jokes on. That being said, just know that we wouldn't hammer you because you joked about these topics. That is why we read the recaps. We know that doesn't mean that in real life you wouldn't be sensitive to these topics.
11 of 19 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 22, 2008 6:06 AM
Not to beat a dead horse...but seriously. I am definately not an overly sensitive female. Normally, I like un-PC jokes, but this went a little far for me as a female.
I too understand that the subject matter is hard, but trust me there are many more things to comment on then a damaged, abused woman's ass. Especially since she has been told and believes that her "ass" is the only thing she has and has basically been selling it since she was 15. Just saying.
By the way, I have loved your previous recaps. I try to read next week!
12 of 19 | Posted by jenday23 | Posted on November 22, 2008 7:46 AM
Couldn't make it past the second page, how dissapointing.........
going to TWOP for some actual commentary-
13 of 19 | Posted by pier188 | Posted on November 22, 2008 8:12 AM
If that ass reference had just been done the first time, it would have been funny. I got that you were riffing on "we all fall back on our same patterns." But when you kept going and going and going with it, it just wasn't funny. Especially when the poor woman is obviously so troubled.
Seriously, do you get paid by the word?
14 of 19 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on November 22, 2008 1:39 PM
yes, it was obnoxious and stupid. and yes, enough people have expressed that opinion.
now everyone needs to just get the fuck over it.
and no, they do not get paid by the word. actually, they do not get paid at all. they take up hours of their free time to write recaps for lazy people like you to enjoy. so although sometimes the recaps are obnoxious and hateful, they are being created out of the goodness of each recapper's heart. so please, before you feel the need to criticize cruelly, consider that this person has spent about 3 hours of his/her time to provide you with what they hoped would be entertainment. and if it fell short of the mark, at least they did a hell of a lot more than watch a tv show and then yell at somebody for describing it the wrong way.
but i have to agree that the amber's ass thing kind of ruined this for me nevertheless. a tad bit less repetition next time. i've enjoyed your past recaps, btw.
15 of 19 | Posted by seasons | Posted on November 22, 2008 8:15 PM
Obnoxious and hateful...yet created out of the goodness of their hearts? Now THAT takes talent.
Bossy cow, now aren't we?
16 of 19 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on November 22, 2008 11:03 PM
Ditto on the ASSA. Nuff said about that.
The Simpson's reference was the once that made me laugh like an asshole.
Do not envy you trying to recap a show like this. Much respect and I think you're damn talented. Hey, live and learn...whatevs.
Who wants to kill some of these posters right now?
17 of 19 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 23, 2008 10:11 PM
Hey idiot commenters - go somewhere else if you hate the recaps - the writers DON'T get paid, and do this solely for our amusement. Even if a recap isn't hysterical or I don't get a joke, I appreciate these people keeping me entertained for free. Also, you might want to consider therapy if you feel the need to monitor the comments on a recap you hated multiple times every day.
18 of 19 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on November 24, 2008 11:27 AM
You know the only thing more annoying than a repeated stale joke? People who repeatedly hate on the joke and post about it a million times.
I just find it hard to be offended by it especially since we are watching a bunch of has-been addicts on Vh1 reality show. That in itself is pretty offensive ;) Lighten up people!
Signed with love,
Amber Smith's Supple Ass
19 of 19 | Posted by DirtyMartini | Posted on November 30, 2008 9:37 AM