Drew mentioned to Sasha that Conaway's fear that he may never be able to act again might be one of his major problems. He also said that he thought Jeff may have a talent for teaching. I don't see this. He seems way to self-absorbed to give enough of a rat's ass about anyone to teach them anything. Then again, I'm not a professional. I'm just a struggling aspiring sex addict from Grand Rapids trying to make ends meet by hustling people in miniature golf and writing about TV on the internet. What do I know?
After his conversation with Sasha, Drew was called by Seth "Shifty" Binzer's (from season 1) sponsor and notified that he had been on a week long crack binge and that he was in a hotel room and that the sponsor and others were concerned for his safety. Drew immediately went to the hotel. He knocked on Seth's door and was told that he couldn't come in because he was "taking a shower". Where the hell was this hotel, Bangkok? Most hotel rooms I have been in have a door that separates the bathroom (and hence the shower) from the other rooms. Can any of the crack-heads reading this let me know if "taking a shower" is street slang for "taking crack"?
He actually spent that time getting ready. He looks very dapper. In a fucked up kinda way.
Drew managed to bargain with him to let him in after ten minutes. When Drew came in, Seth explained that "...dude I didn't want to let you in I thought I was being like raided". Drew responded, "..I know you're a bit paranoid..". Seth then said "...I'm not paranoid bro, it's just that (pointing to everyone in the room) all these people are out to get me..".
I will lampoon the last quote by Binzer by recounting a conversation between my friend Brendan and my other friend Kevin on the night Brendan first got stoned. Brendan: Dude, I'm not stoned, I just can't stop smiling. Kevin: Translation, you're stoned!
After the paranoia discussion Drew said, "..dude you're so skinny..". I've heard of instances where people move somewhere and after a couple of years acquire some of the local accent. But come on Drew, you're a doctor. Dude, DUDE! Really? Have you been around drug addicts for so long you've started to talk like one.? I don't want my doctor talking like that. "Whoa bro, I was totally looking at like the MRI of like your colon and stuff and dude that tumor in your butt totally went down after radiation. You totally must be crushing that high fiber diet we said you should get crackin on. That shit's tight dog!"
Rehab? All you need's a little cake, hon!
Drew convinced Shifty to go into rehab. When he got there he decided he needed a "minute to chill" somewhere outside of the facility. Two sentences later this "minute" became two hours to "chill and get some coffee". Could any of the crack addicts out there let me know if "chill and get coffee" is crack slang for "go on a seven hour crack smoking binge.."? Thanks. Binzer then explained that he had to leave and come back because he can "..only roll into rehab a certain way..". The only way he can roll in is, apparently, on crack.
Next came the Drew/Jeff private I hate it here I want to leave don't leave I want to die you don't really want to do that Jeff I want surgery you can't have surgery conversation. This time Drew tried to dig a little deeper and asked Conaway what he wanted to do for work after rehab. Jeff replied that he wanted to act. Drew suggested that may not be possible due to his disability and suggested teaching. This was met with more crying followed by IwanttodieIwantsurgeryIwanttoleave stuff. This was followed by drying tears and a grudging, figurative, "..I'll think about it.".
Maybe you could be next year's "mystery".
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Comments (16)
Does TvGasm pay this guy? If so, it's money ill-spent.
1 of 16 | Posted by l_yo | Posted on December 14, 2008 8:54 PM
Please please please get someone else to do these recaps.
2 of 16 | Posted by outofashes | Posted on December 14, 2008 9:55 PM
I was a bit shocked when Amber was saying how she didn't see herself as beautiful and desirable. She is hands down one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.
3 of 16 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 15, 2008 5:01 AM
Man, I love coming to TV Gasm to read the recaps because I appreciate the intelligence of the writers, the humour, the sarcasm, the caustic observations, the bitchiness, etc...
Not all recaps are excellent and not all recappers are equal.
That is a good thing.
But, AngryWhateverMan, your writing comes off as poison - just plain mean spirited...I can be pretty cold and jaded but I have to say that this show is quite awesome this season, and well, I have been blown away by some aspects of it. Have a little heart, dude.
Anyway, I am aware that I am the loser reading the recap of the show that I just watched, but hey...
4 of 16 | Posted by FuriousFlipper | Posted on December 15, 2008 6:59 AM
You know, I gotta hand it to you, TheAngriestWhitestMale - I have never seen a recapper with the ability to force people to read their writing, but as the comments show for your recaps, you obviously have a very mystical power, since the same idiots bitch about every recap yet continue to read them. Maybe it is the Vicks?
5 of 16 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on December 15, 2008 10:26 AM
Yeah, people need to lay off TAWM. If you don't want to read his recap, there are a lot of others on the site. And if you think you can do a better job, go participate in Auditiongasm and prove it. Otherwise, stfu.
6 of 16 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 15, 2008 10:58 AM
Yeah, what Snooty said. TAWM, I do not envy you yet admire your chutzpah for taking on this show. Hope you're feeling better and yes Vick's does liqueify all solid matter in the head and chest areas.
7 of 16 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on December 15, 2008 1:06 PM
I love your recaps, TAWM. And I'm completely in support of the anti-Dickens treatment.
I like what you said about Jeff being written in as a character, Interesting theory. I tend to think he and Vikki/Nikki act for the cameras in an attempt to get more screen time and possibly their own reality show.
I do have to disagree with you on one thing. Just when I thought Jeff couldn't possibly get any more annoying, he pulled out a guitar and performed an original tune. AHHHH!!!! Please, no. Ear poison.
Also, why is Nikki McWhat's-her-name grinding her teeth is that weird horizontal way a la Steven Adler? Adler had a stroke, so it's understandable, but now Nikki? What's that about?
8 of 16 | Posted by procrastinator | Posted on December 15, 2008 1:52 PM
I think she is playing with her tongue piercing. I was wondering the same thing though.
9 of 16 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 15, 2008 2:06 PM
"I just need a 40, a pet shop, and a slurpee, and I'm going in." has become my new favorite phrase of all time. Useful in so many situations!
10 of 16 | Posted by lagitha | Posted on December 15, 2008 2:52 PM
Procrastinator and Scootch-
Grinding teeth and clenching jaws are a side effect of smoking crack.
11 of 16 | Posted by lagitha | Posted on December 15, 2008 3:02 PM
Dear TAWM,
If you like Vicks, you may want to try the Vicks-laced Puffs. Best. Product. Ever. Even when you're not sick.
12 of 16 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on December 15, 2008 3:04 PM
Can someone else do the recaps on this show? PPllleeaasseee.......
13 of 16 | Posted by deemarie | Posted on December 16, 2008 9:59 AM
A fine recap.
It is fascinating to wrap my mind around how someone like Amber can not see herself as attractive or worthy.
BTW - I suspect you have one or more personal enemies who attack your writing because they lack the spine to attack you openly.
BTW2 - Of course God knows how the football games will turn out. He also knows how to keep a secret.
Have a Happy and a Merry!
14 of 16 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on December 16, 2008 9:59 AM
Hi there again. Just want to write that I am not a part of a cabal of TheAngriestWhiteMale haters and that I have never criticized these recaps before this week, and I do seek them out and if I don't like them, I don't have to read them. It just seems that Celebrity Rehab has hit a new level with this season, in that it is difficult to not take it seriously and well, find oneself a bit, well, moved by some of the confessionals and struggles. Not to say that Jeff Conway is a real person made up entirely of Amber's supple ass. Ah, me try humour.
Anyway, just wanted to say that I am not writing to attack TAWM on a personal level - the writing is fine - it is just a compassion issue. Ya, that's it.
TAWM should definitely write the Double Shot of Love recaps. Ah, that would be awesome. And fun.
15 of 16 | Posted by FuriousFlipper | Posted on December 17, 2008 7:12 AM
I want to know where Seth is getting all his money to blow on drugs...his band only had like one hit song, right?
16 of 16 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on December 17, 2008 8:08 AM