Dude, you know you're having a rough time when God molests you in your dreams and you think it's a good thing. In addition to being in a great mood, he started standing up straighter, and he had improved mobility. There are a couple of explanations for this: 1.) He exaggerated his pain (either intentionally or subconsciously) prior to his "diddled by God" epiphany. 2.) Once he pulled the calling the police stunt and everyone called his bluff, he realized he could no longer barter threats of leaving, suicide or surgery for drugs. This caused him to reach bottom. The result was some sort of magic psychosomatic jump in his physical recovery. 3.) This one is Jeff's version verbatim. He had a dream where God molested him, causing him to recover instantly. 4.) He didn't have a dream at all. In this version, God is real but he sort of acts like Freddy Kruger. He came down to Earth and molested Jeff. Then he used some of his magic God dust to both cure Jeff and convince him that it was "all a dream". 5.) This one is sort of like four except Jeff's mom left this note for God's secretary. "I know you're busy up there in VIP heaven, but when you get a free moment could you please go down to Earth and molest Jeff, and then cure him, and convince him it was all a dream". Which version is correct? Only Jeff's dead mom knows.
What did I do to deserve this?
Drew called a meeting to deal with the bitchy moods of the other, non-Jeff celebs. He focused on Amber because she seemed the most upset. He saw her sulking and asked, "..what's up Amber..". To which she replied with a curt, "nothing". Dr. Drew told her to tell everyone what she was really feeling and she explained, "..people like Jeff and Gary can go around yelling and waking people up at all hours but because of the power of their personality, they can say "I'm sorry" and everyone acts like it's O.K. but if I exhibit any negative emotion at all people say, "are you all right, what's the matter with you...". Drew told her to tell him (Dr. Drew) to f*&#ck off, in an attempt to get her to release some negative energy. She obliged, and then smiled, so it seemed like it worked.
Does everyone see what I just did? I recapped an incident involving Amber Smith without making any childish, tawdry and/or sexist comments about her body. That is the way it should be! I want to keep my thoughts to the episode at hand, but I feel like I need to speak up. Some shallow uneducated jerks on the internet think that they can "pad their essays" by making wiseass comments about Ms. Smith's body. Some of these sexist Neanderthals might try and use the argument that since Amber is a model, and she has made all her money off her body, that a few hundred positive comments about her previously mentioned body really don't hurt anyone. This assertion is based on a false premise. These people don't realize that what Ms. Smith modeled wasn't, in fact, pictures of her body, but rather, Cat Scans of her brain and maps of her DNA. She put her soul and brain on display for everyone to see!
(In order to move the recap forward I am assuming that someone's "soul" is real, is in their DNA, and can be seen on a DNA map.)
Thank you for growing up, a-hole.
Granted, these images appeared in Barely Legal Cat Scan Magazine and on suppleassDNAscans.com, which some may regard as tawdry outlets, but they were tastefully done! More importantly, they were about her "inner beauty". Amber Smith's supple DNA map.
Well, that's enough passive aggressive innuendo for one recap. My bad, let's hug. Moving on. After Amber vented Dr. Drew asked everyone if they bottle up their negative emotions in their day to day lives and subsequently let these feelings out when drunk/high/coming down. The general consensus was a lightly whispered "duh" followed by a couple nonspecific reports of hitting, smashing, kicking, yelling and crying. Drew decided that a good way to short circuit this cycle is to find a way to draw these feelings out in the sober world so they don't have to be self-medicated-out with Coors Light.
Hear that? Just be yourself! GO!
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Comments (6)
I'll bet Busey used that "I fell" line a lot with women back in the day.
I think Dr. Drew is trying to force Rodney into some confrontations by making him the boundary police. It seems like it might take the focus off of Rodney's own problems, though.
I think how heaven works is kind of like airplanes. There is First Class and Coach. I'll be sure to send you some of those cool slippers and a pillow when the time comes.
Hugs!
1 of 6 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on November 26, 2008 10:57 PM
"Amber Smith's supple DNA map." Beautiful!
2 of 6 | Posted by TheGreatAndPowerfulShaz | Posted on November 27, 2008 5:36 AM
Every time Jeff speaks, I just think "Acting!" It all just seems like playing for the camera. That goes for when he is throwing a tantrum or being nice. He really detracts from the show and the therapy for the other addicts. I felt that last season and this season. Hopefully, they will leave him off if there is a next season.
Does anyone else feel like Shawn Stewart (or whatever his name is because I can't be arsed to look it up) is a complete tool and it has nothing to do with drugs?
Oh and... it's frankincense and myrrh. Just sayin.
3 of 6 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 27, 2008 6:56 AM
alright you can write without mentioning amber smith's ass. but can you actually write a decent re-cap?
4 of 6 | Posted by reckless_saturn_1`1 | Posted on November 27, 2008 9:24 AM
i absolutely HATED the supple ass recap. it was unbearable to read.
buttttt ive liked all of your other recaps and i realy liked this one.
just had to stick my opinion in there snce saturn is being mean lol
5 of 6 | Posted by angelbayyb | Posted on November 28, 2008 9:02 AM
Good recap.
I appreciate the screen caps of Amber. The camera really does love her.
I agree that it seems odd (and maybe unfair) about Rodney being asked to set boundaries for other patients.
I also agree that two seasons is enough of the Jeff drama - even though I would like to see him have a full recovery.
6 of 6 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 28, 2008 1:00 PM