Last week on Charm School, Marcia stressed about not being able to drink while in New Orleans, some charity work was done, Kip tried to pretend she wasn't a bitch, and Brittanya got sent home. Yeah, basically the same thing that's happened on every single episode of Charm School this season. This week we get a bonus clip show though, and even though it seems a bit redundant to recap a recap show, I'm gonna do it anyway.
We start off with Stryker and Lala telling us all what an exciting season it's been on Charm School. Yeah, uh, saying something doesn't make it true guys. Here, watch: I swim naked in my giant vat of hundred dollar bills while accompanied by naked female leads from Joss Whedon shows.
So we see some teaser clips that look in involve a lot of farting and jumping around screaming at people. We are promised "Never before seen" clips, and I know I'm just bouncing up and down trying to contain my excitement. Oh, and hold on just a tick...
So, really fast montage of girls getting drunk, falling over, hitting their heads, and generally behaving like idiots. Ricki makes some comment to a crew guy about losing twenty I.Q. points, but I don't feel bad for her cause she's getting paid the big bucks for putting up with this crap. I'm losing I.Q. points for free here, people! When I fail my first calc test next semester I'm blaming this show.
Stryker reminds us all that Brittanya was eliminated last week, and we get to see some more of Ricki's patented sad faces.
"It's so haaaaaard, to say goodbyyyyyeyeye, to yesterdaaaaaaaay."
Stryker and Lala tell us that throughout the show they'll be revealing some "Lost Commandments" of Charm School, the first of which is Thou Shalt at Least Try to be a Lady Ummm... Shouldn't that have maybe been a found commandment. I mean, isn't that kind of the entire mission statement of this whole stupid show? Whatever, we see some clips of the girls being slightly less than ladylike. Marcia runs around sniffing her armpits, K.O. talks about not liking white creamy things in her mouth, and Risky takes a bite of something and then quickly regrets it.
Okay, someone needs to send me an email and tell me how to do an animated gif on here, because the fact that I can't do one for this next clip is just a travesty. Cut to Marcia lying on the bed with a cowboy hat on her ass. She farts, and you actually see the cowboy hat get lift-off.
We then see that Marcia clearly has a fishing line attached to the hat, but I'm pretty sure the fart noises were real at least. Risky says it smelled like vinegar and something dead, and I am taking notes because this is clearly how you become refined enough to be in the final three around here. Fart jokes? Check.
Then we get five more minutes of clips of various Charm School contestants farting loudly. Guess we have to appeal to that eight-year-old-boy demographic, since I'm sure they're all watching Charm School and not X-Men or whatever the kids are into these days.
Natasha is explaining to Brit and Marcia what an enema is, and she refers to it as a "Butt douche." Buahahahahahahaha! Oh, I am forever going to refer to enemas at butt douches from here on out. Not that I really have a lot of chances in my daily life to refer to enemas at all, but I will be looking for opportunities now.
So we get to observe about five minutes of talking about poop and going poop and what poop smells like, which segues into a discussion on boobs and real boobs and fake boobs and boob sweat. Do you see what I mean about losing I.Q. points? I should take an I.Q. test every Saturday before I do my recap, and then again on Sunday after it's done. I bet the results would be startling.
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Comments (8)
I'm almost embarassed to admit that I have trouble opening those salad dressing bottles as well.
1 of 8 | Posted by ohionancy | Posted on July 27, 2009 9:22 AM
Great recap, but I have to disagree that Tranny and helium was hilarious!
2 of 8 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on July 27, 2009 12:19 PM
All of sudden VH1 isn't allowing people outside of the US to watch their shitty shows anymore. What the fuck are they thinking? That anyone would PAY to watch this shit?
This season has been so miserable that it's not even worth the effort to download it. Fuck you VH1.
At least the recaps have been fun -- can't wait to see what you do to the Tools!
And again: Fuck you VH1 (and the other idiot broadcasters who block people from watching their shows online).
3 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 27, 2009 2:10 PM
Miki, LOVE the recap! I also can't wait to see your take on the Tools!
Drop me a line and I can walk you through doing a gif if you still need help.
Thanks again for tkaing the bullet for this one - your recaps having been fucking hilarious!
SWAK, PottyMouth
4 of 8 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on July 28, 2009 6:16 AM
Thanks everyone! I just finished watching the season finale, so I should have the recap up a little earlier than usual this week.
tv_freak: You say hilarious, I say the stuff that therapy bills are made of.
Itchy: Seriously, Vh1 is doing you a favor.
Pottymouth: I will hit you up if I come across anything I want to animate in the future. What are you capping after SYTYCD(dd) is over? Are you reassigned yet?
5 of 8 | Posted by themiki | Posted on July 28, 2009 9:19 AM
Great job on a dull season, Miki. I think the problem is that they got rid of the train wrecks too early. And Farrah leaving was a blow.
If the show had been like this episode, it would have been tres entertaining. Skanks trying to open food items? Skanks getting chased while drinking beer? Skanks at a strip club? What's not to like?
6 of 8 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on July 28, 2009 2:51 PM
LOL.
But where else can I go to get my fill of drunken 20-something skanks?
Microsoft GIF Animator is freeware and really easy to use.
7 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 29, 2009 12:38 AM
Sounds like a plan! I've never used the software Itchy mentioned, but I have free software that I use, called GIMP; it's fairly easy to use.
I will be doing the fall season of SYTYCD (dd). But you may see me around before then....
Keep up the great work - it is truly a talent to be able to spin gold out of the shit that VH-1 gives you.
SWAK, PottyMouth
8 of 8 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on July 30, 2009 3:48 AM