Previously on Charm School: The remaining contestants faced their fears by ripping off a lame MTV show, Marcia and Kip continued to not like each other, and Tranny got sent home to do some more of those awesome internet videos that pay her bills. Welcome back to Charm School, where product placement is reaching Biggest Loser proportions.
Muchos apologies for the lateness of this recap. My roommate and I both got the flu this week and my house is currently a warzone of thera-flu wrappers, kleenex, and empty chicken noodle soup cans. Today's the first day I could crawl out of bed and be productive, but I warn you that your recap is coming to you from under the blanket of a healthy dose of NyQuil that hasn't quite worn off yet. Anyway, on with the show.
We open with K.O. telling 3bay about this time she got stoned and was sexually assaulted. C'mon, ladies, I'm trying to write snarky recaps here. Could you stay away from topics that I'll go to Hell for making fun of please?
3bay says that K.O. is a strong person, but she's never going to evolve if she keeps pitying herself. They share a tender moment where 3bay tells K.O. to stand up for herself and put a stop to all the bad things that are happening to her.
Then the producers give us this lovely outdoor shot of Charm School, which looks suspiciously like CGI to me.
The next morning Marcia is feeling like a million bucks. She says she's feeling so amazing because she hasn't been drinking, and I'm wondering if anyone has warned her about DT's. They're coming honey, cause you drink a LOT.
So after Marcia gets in a hearty workout of running up and down some stairs and jogging around the pool, Ricki gets on the intercom and calls the ladies down for their lesson. Stryker greets them with this totally awesome lesson plan.
Ricki tells us that the ladies are going to need a plan in order to get their lives on track, and to help them make a plan they call in this guy.
Doctor Creepypants tells the ladies that they need to decide who they want to be, and they need to decide right now. He says that to help them with the process he's created a map, and then he flips this over:
So the ladies have to make their own "maps" ***ahemlistsahem*** starting with what is possible, then what their driving force is, and finally what their first step will be. I think I have the true maps all figured out:
What is Possible: Getting my own show on VH1
Driving force: Need for fame, desire to make money.
First step: Go on a few crappy VH1 shows and make a big enough ass of myself to warrant my own show.
I think most of these ladies have it down. Lesson over.
The doc asks the ladies to write down what they really want and what is possible for them. Brittanya stares blankly at her paper for a minute and then pipes up that she doesn't get it.
I feel for the doc as he stumbles around trying to explain the lesson to Brit. When the assignment is something as painfully simple as, Write down what you want for your life, it's hard to break that down into simpler terms. May I suggest trying to explain it with hand-puppets?
This little outburst of stupidity launched a heated debate between me and my roommate over who was dumber, Bubbles or Brittanya. I argued that Brit was way dumber but we just didn't notice because she never talked. He argued that Brit was clearly smart enough to figure out she was an idiot and she shouldn't talk, which meant she was smarter than Bubbles. What do you kids think? Who wins Morongate 2009?
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Comments (5)
Can't believe I watch this show - and drink Pepsi now - but your recaps 'themiki' make it tolerable.
Any notice that this is same house from Scream 3 and Halloween 20 Years Later? There is a bunch of horror (or is that whore?) history there.
1 of 5 | Posted by steveninseattle | Posted on June 21, 2009 7:14 AM
As cannot be said enough to all veterans, who sacrifice so much for so many - "Thank you for your service".
2 of 5 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on June 21, 2009 8:02 AM
I'm pretty sure that Ford is the official sponsor of wife beaters and child abuse.
Which explains American Idol, I suppose.
I think Bubbles is the smartest of the bunch--she's an absent-minded professor type. Can't wait for her to get her own show.
Brittanya is just one big disappointment.
3 of 5 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 21, 2009 5:24 PM
I've always wondered who on earth the seatbelt speech on the sirplane would be for - thank you so much for clearing up this mystery for me.
So sorry to hear you're under the weather themiki, but it didn't hurt your recap at all. Hilarious, as usual.
Hope you feel better soon!
SWAK, PottyMouth
4 of 5 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on June 21, 2009 7:58 PM
That would be AIRplane, not sirplane. D'oh!
5 of 5 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on June 21, 2009 8:00 PM