This week on Charm School, the girls give back to the community by starring in PSAs. Seriously.
This is your brain on Charm School.
Me.
Hey Y'all- sorry I've been so tardy on Charm School. I had, uh, syphilis. And by Syphilis, I mean a raging case of awesome. Hmmm...so last week, we started out hearing Brandi C. yammer on about staying in the house and winning every challenge for her bff4evr, Megan. Really? Did you notice, that when she left, the girl was thrilled? Sounds like you're making a big 'ol fuss about nothing, Brandi C. That's cool, though, because I like when you get upset...the more you cry, the more eyeliner gets all over your face and makes you look like a dirty lost boy.
Brandi M, on the other hand, is determined to be less controversial for all the right reasons...reasons that have nothing to do with that 'ol skankwhore Megan. Brandi M. reads Sharon's morning letter, saying that a true girl needs to be a "social chameleon." Really? It seems as though the girls are already doing a good job disguising themselves...
My mom and Sasquatch share a moment of thought.
Inna says that now that there's only nine of them, she needs to work twice as hard to win the competition, and by win the competition she means crushing them with her tremendous, dirty feet. "I can't loose..." Inna says, with an air of desperation. I bet she's homeless, and losing means living in her Ford Festiva and eating old, discarded Jack N' the Box for breakfast. Am I right? Am I right?
Daniella the zombie-face says that the fourth commandment of Charm school is "thou shalt not rock rude."
Pink Tampon scrolls hold the key.
Daniella goes on to say that real ladies (e.g. nobody in the vicinity) know the rules of etiquette and social interaction. These "ladies" know the rules of suck-a-dick and social fornication...does that count, Daniella zombie-face? Were do eating brains fall on the spectrum of lady-hood? Stop grunting and eyeing my cranium. Whaaat?
Oh dude, I love Sharon, though- her attitude is so great. She says that this is going to be a real tough one for these skanks, because they came out of their mother's womb swearing, spitting, shouting and giving blow jobs. And, they've been the same ever since. I know! I came out of my mom's womb in a gown made of crocodile and beaver tusk. that's because I'm. all. class. Daniella introduces the charm schoolies to Lisa Gachet, this non-descript blond housewife lookin' woman who looks just about as thrilled to be there as every other guest, who obviously doesn't watch Rock of Love and thinks they're going to be on some sort of Harry Potteresque project runway show.
Smile. Gag. Great to Be here.
Lisa Gachet is the president and co-founder of Beverly Hills Manners. Really? Is this still a real vocation? Not slurping soup and carrying a book on one's head? Awesome, sign me up. I have flat feet, but I know I can act snooty. First, Lisa Gachet wants to talk to the ladies about their "presentation skills." The obvious question is "what presentation skills?" Everyone's thoughts exactly, right? L.Gash tells the girls to keep their legs and knees closed, first and foremost, which is a smart way to start with these ladies. Get em where they're most vulnerable, around the vag area, and move up from there. What will these girls do without straddling somebody?
Turns out the first direction was harder than we all thought.
Next, Heather and Brandi M. have to eat soup. Ohhh! L. Gash! Pick me! I love soup. Fiine. Heather immediately begins to chow down on the soup, though Brandi M. does okay but slurps it a little.
Mmm...do you have any Tostino's Pizza Rolls to go with this? How about a snack cake?
Brandi C. calls Brandi M. out as being a "faker," but man, Brandi C....really? Remember when you pretend to be friends with everyone and then bitch about them and then whine and cry like a ten year old boy who's wet himself, only with more mascara? Hmm? Guess not. Bitch away, pink-head. And by the way, "etiquette-ized" isn't a word. And pink isn't a real color of hair. Just sayin.'
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Comments (8)
Wow! Two, Two, Two recaps in one. What a treat. Brandi C. also had eyeliner-smear-cry face in the last episode. Don't they sell waterproof mascara at the skank store? I'd fedex her a washcloth and a bar of Ivory, but I'm sure she would not know what to do with it and I don't feel like typing out instructions. Looking forward to next week.
1 of 8 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on November 20, 2008 10:53 PM
Notes:
1. Lacey is the most annoying character on any of these shows. Not good annoying, as in fun to watch. But icky annoying. Like I'm almost willing to stop watching the show if they don't get rid of her soon.
2. What's up with all this royal ass-kissing? I'm sorry, but why the fuck would anyone (other than a royalist Brit, obviously) give a shit about a duchess, real or not? (Got to like the idea that the actress died right after making this show...too much Lacey, perhaps?)
3. Those booth guys were probably being filmed because they're actually on another reality show in production at the same time and this was one of THEIR challenges. I mean, wouldn't it be awesome if that were to happen? "When Shows Collide" or something like that. Think of the possibilities...they could show the Charm School girls rocking the bar decorated by the Top Design crew as the Pickup Artist guys come in to work the magic of the DHV...
I really hope they get rid of Lacey soon, she's just no fun. She's the equivalent of Rodeo, who is good for about two minutes and then always gets the boot (because of her stupid laugh no doubt).
Though Dallas was just...blah. Good riddance.
2 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 22, 2008 12:25 AM
I was sad that Dallas went home. If she was going to go home anyway, she should have just socked Lacey in her ugly face and went out with a bang! Once Sharon told her that she was expelled, she should have just roundhouse kicked Lacey right there! It would have been a classic reality tv moment. I would have built a small shrine to Dallas in my house... right next to the ones for Wizzit and Bobby Trendy. Am I telling too much about myself?
3 of 8 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 22, 2008 6:00 AM
Snootchy Bootches: we may have been seperated at birth. I often wonder, "Wizzit, when will I hear you again?". As for Dallas: I wish she had shaved Lacey bald in the middle of the night & achieved what Cliff could only wish for.
4 of 8 | Posted by meangrl29 | Posted on November 22, 2008 8:14 PM
Dallas was an unfortunate sparring partner for Period Head. I'm not sure what the fuck Dallas' strategy was...but I'm not completely sure that she actually thought other people could hear her thoughts. I can recall times where Lacey would be xtra cunty and she would mumble something and then stare off into the distance like a character in a soap opera...sort of like when the voice overs were supposed to start. I would have messed with this easy target too.
My two cents y'all. Also, pardon spelling/grammer error since I am full of Spanish vino and cup-o-noodles. Yes. Classy.
5 of 8 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 22, 2008 9:55 PM
OK, going a little way back here but I actually thought that Inna's dress was pretty. Her cleavage really wasn't showing, just her Ukranian Love Tank shoulders. Ah well!!
6 of 8 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on November 24, 2008 4:10 AM
House? Mansion? Place? Hard to say
But has anyone else noticed that it is the same location they used for the movies Halloween H20 and Scream 3
Yes - I watch bad movies and bad tv
Perhaps the last few episodes will feature a serial killer hunting down these 'classy' ladies
7 of 8 | Posted by steveninseattle | Posted on November 24, 2008 5:54 AM
Naw, Inna's dress wasn't bad, but she is a fuckin' tank. Huuuuge!
8 of 8 | Posted by Monamonzano | Posted on November 25, 2008 4:35 PM