Charm School: Insert your own joke about The Big Easy

Good lord I'm late on this recappage. I apologize profusely to all my loyal readers. I thought about making up some elaborate story about how I was kidnapped by aliens or forced to live underground while nazi zombies invaded my neighborhood, but the truth is that I met a girl and I got kinda distracted. Sorry. I promise to give this recap my full and complete attention, but it's gonna be a quicky recap because this episode was dull as dirt, so let's get on with it. We're going to New Orleans.

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If these jokes keep writing themselves I could be out of a job

It's another day in Charm School and we're down to just four skanky hose beasts. The end is nigh, and I couldn't be more excited. I've been transcribing this trainwreck for far too long. I'm ready to move on to bigger, more entertaining trainwrecks. Anyway, the ladies are all packed up and headed off to New Orleans, where they will be helping out with some sort of charity work. They hop on the shortbus/airport shuttle and we get some narration about how excited they all are to be going.

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Please crash please crash please crash...

God chooses to, once again, ignore my pleas and everyone lands safely in Louisiana. Brittanya says, "I've never been to New Orleans before and I'm so excited to see another state." Is anyone else under the impression that she thinks New Orleans is a state? Nah... Not a bright girl like Brit. I'm sure she's a master of geography.

So after some riveting conversation about the Superdome and Katrina we all arrive at some hotel with stilt dancers and drunk people out front. In a stunning display of bad taste, the concierge greets them with a tray full of Hurricanes.

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"When I was in New York I tried to invent a drink called The People Jumping from Windows to Escape the Burning Towers, but it never really caught on."

Marcia asks if they have any virgin Hurricanes, and they giggle and tell her that no, they do not. Ahhh... Charm School. You never cease to amaze with your classiness. There's nothing more charming than offering a recovering alcoholic booze, and then laughing at her when she turns it down. Always one to lend a helping hand, Kip steps in and takes the drink intended for Marcia so she can show us all how a truly classy lady double-fists mixed drinks in the French Quarter.

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This counts as charity, right? Can I have my diploma now?

Upstairs the girls see their swanky new suite, and spend a little time oohing and aahing over the free chocolate and beads. I guess people who are willing to compete for the love of Brett Michaels are probably pretty easily impressed. They get a note from Ricki and Risky reads it out loud because otherwise Brit would have spent the entire evening trying to sound out the words. The note says they get to go out drinking and have fun that night before getting down to work in the morning. Yeah, nothing says "I'm ready to help the impoverished" like a crippling hangover and 40-proof sweat.

In case you watch this show without taking notes, here's a great fashion tip from Kip that you should definitely write down:

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Remember that next time you have to attend a Sunday Mass

Boring repetitive Charm School moment number four (Marcia talks about being scared that she's gonna drink) goes on for a while. Do you really need me recapping this stuff at this point? You've heard it all, I promise. Blah blah there's booze around blah blah I'm an alcoholic. Whatever mental image that caused to appear to you, I'm absolutely positive it was more entertaining than what was actually happening on the show.

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I wonder if I could hide a bottle of tequila between my boobs...

It's time to have dinner with Ricki and the deans. Woohoo! Exciting! There's the expecting discussions of how hard they're going to have to work and how much they're all growing and changing. For fuck's sake, Vh1. You have four slutty women in the party capital of the USA and this is the best TV you can give us? I'm disappointed.

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Could someone please pass the entertainment value? Oh yeah, that's right, we're all out.

Charm School: Insert your own joke about The Big Easy Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4 

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Comments (4)

PottyMouth:

TheMiki,

Words will never be enough to express my gratitude for you enduring this show so that I don't have to. So I'm sending you a case of Snapple and corn dogs. But I forgot to pack them in ice, so you may want to skip the corn dogs and just drink the Snapple.

You're Welcome.

SWAK, PottyMouth

ohionancy:

You would think Brittanya would be used to nailing things.

slutty_whore:

Ohionancy... LMAO @ your comment.

TheMiki... loved the Lisa Loeb reference, especially since I just love that song!

itchy:

Yep, I've officially lost my motivation for watching this borefest...your recaps are way more entertaining anyway.

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