Risky picks on Bubbles a tiny bit about raising the least amount of money, although if any of these ladies were capable of doing math they would realize that she actually raised more money than Brittanya. Oh well, let's just watch them be morons, shall we? Bubbles cries and then tells everyone not to feel sorry for her, while Kip talks to her cheeseburger and professing her undying love to it. There's a fight between Bubbles and Kip that involves a lot of "I know you are but what am I?" levels of wit and intelligence. I would recap it fully, but I lost enough braincells just listening to it. God knows what would happen if I tried to transcribe it.
Risky tries to change the subject by talking about Brittanya's buttcrack hanging out all night and everyone is laughing and having a good time, but Bubbles isn't done arguing yet and calls Kip a mean girl. Kip counters by calling Bubbles retarded, and a hush falls over the dinner table.
Bubbles goes into full fledged five-year-old mode and announces that she's tellin'. I want to stick up for Bubbles because she's sweet and all and everyone always picks on her, but I'm almost positive that if I was forced to spend an entire hour with her I would call her something way meaner than retarded.
The next morning the ladies report to the lecture hall for a homework assignment. They find a table full of finger-paint, which Kip immediately mistakes for lube.
So the assignment is to use the finger-paints to make portraits of all the other girls and how you see them on the inside. I'm pretty sure that Kip and Brit have literally seen each other on the inside, but I doubt either one will be cool enough to paint a picture of what that looks like. They also have to write down one fault on each painting that the other girls should work on. Let the mud-slinging cleverly disguised as kindergarten arts and crafts begin!
Ricki comes in to check out their work and see what they think of each other. Everyone thinks that Risky is a good person with a big heart that just needs to open up more. Boring. Risky comes up to talk about what she painted for Brittanya, and I'm amazed no one went with the obvious blank canvas.
Risky says that Brittanya needs to be a better mother, and Brittanya agrees with her. Damn! Either Brit is really good at taking criticism or she's so confused that she doesn't know how badly she just got burned. My money is on the latter.
Brit comes up to talk about Marcia and tells us she painted Goofy because Marcia is funny and silly.
Marcia thinks Kip is a bitch, and Kip thinks Bubbles talks too much. Bubbles takes this opportunity to narc on Kip for calling her retarded again. Ricki is highly distraught over this news, but I'm pretty sure VH1 won't let her send Kip home quite yet so I'm sure they'll downplay it when it comes down to elimination time.
After the grueling finger-painting assignment the girls are sent off to bed to rest up for the next day's expulsion ceremony. Brit decides she needs to talk to Ricki one-on-one, and they discuss her relative failures as a parent. Hey Brit, you know what makes for a crappy parent? Abandoning your child for months at a time to do VH1 reality shows. At least once you go to prison you can just tell him you're taping a new "Of Love" show and he'll never know the difference.
Brit tells Ricki she wants to win the hundred grand so she can open up a beauty salon.
Kip has a one-on-one next, and tells Ricki that she's growing and changing and blah blah blah. Yeah, it's cool. We get it. Bubbles is annoying and you're a bitch, but you'll probably get to stay because you're way more entertaining than she is.
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Comments (12)
It's not your fault, Mik, the recaps are great and spot on. It's just that this show sucks so sorrily.
I'm fed up with Kip, she's just not funny at all. And there's nothing cool at all about her. She needs to disappear into oblivion. And then get dredged up 10 years from now when she's all wrinkled and 100 pounds overweight for a 'Where are they now' special.
1 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 14, 2009 12:17 AM
Bubbles was the Chrissy Snow of Charm School and much preferable over Kip any day of the week.
will you be recapping Megan fucks a millionaire?
2 of 12 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on July 14, 2009 7:40 AM
I don't know what I'm recapping after Charm School. I just told Flipit that I preferred a reality TV trainwreck of some sort. There's no way I'm doing Real Chance At Love 2, but everything else is fair game.
3 of 12 | Posted by themiki | Posted on July 14, 2009 9:08 AM
As someone who is living with Asperger's Syndrome, I am pissed that Kip got away with calling Bubbles retarded. I realize that the producers probably had some influence, but isn't this show about growth? I can't wait to see Ricki's reaction to all this at the reunion.
4 of 12 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on July 14, 2009 9:52 AM
TV Freak, Ricki will probably do her fake concern as she normally does... the fake concern she honed so well after hosting her talk show for all those years.
Also, was Heather from ANTM Cycle 9 a good representation of someone with Asperger's?
5 of 12 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on July 14, 2009 10:01 AM
Thanks a lot, themiki - that picture of the speculum caused a flare up of my PTSD. At least I think that's what's flared up.....
I decided last week not to watch this show anymore since I kept falling asleep anyway - besides, your recaps are funnier and more entertaining than this show could ever HOPE to be.
SWAK, PottyMouth
6 of 12 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on July 14, 2009 10:02 AM
slutty_whore, Heather from ANTM had Asperger's, but she was obviously very high functioning. Good in a paint-it-in-a-nice-light way, but probably not the most realistic. (Which, for the record, I have AS too. And am named Heather. And am not as pretty, dammit.)
I never picked up any hint of any autism spectrum disorder from Bubbles though. She seems a bit clueless, yeah. She was my favorite girl there though; I'll take sweet and stupid over snarky and stupid any day. Maybe not over snarky and smart, but that's not really an issue here.
Love the recap, as always.
7 of 12 | Posted by Hadhas | Posted on July 14, 2009 2:29 PM
This recap was hilarious. Way to take shit and spin it into sugar, TheMiki.
Also-- before you say no to RCOL, remember that Bubbles came from that show. Just sayin'. So did MILF, but I don't think she was on this show? I can't remember the beginning anymore... it seems like this show has been on since my boobs were still perky.
(P.S. I actually watched last season of RCOL and found it to be pretty funny- it's better than this crap, that's for sure.)
P.S.S. Ricki's fake crying and general insincerity is really getting on my nerves.
8 of 12 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on July 14, 2009 5:42 PM
Awesome recap themiki, when the motivational speaker said "her leg fell off, all I could think was "oh they got Mrs. Potato Head to come in and talk, cool." And give the skanks, err girls credit, she made it all the way through her talk without whipping out the angry eyes.
Awesome job recapping, you really making something out of nothing here.
9 of 12 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on July 15, 2009 12:25 AM
Awwww...Shucks. Thanks for the kind words everyone. I'll put aside my snarky cynicism for just a moment and say that reading your comments really makes all the crappy reality TV watching worth it.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled sarcasm.
10 of 12 | Posted by themiki | Posted on July 15, 2009 1:39 AM
Slutty, I have not met many people with asperger's syndrome tbh. I'll take Hadhas's word for it. I had always assumed she was a good representation, but only because she was about the same level as the only other person I've met that has been diagnosed. I'd say that I was about the same level as Heather when I was first diagnosed, but now I am at a much higher level than I was. Most people can't even tell that I have it.
11 of 12 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on July 15, 2009 4:54 AM
Maria was the "former model" from Wisconsin who suddenly was rushed to the hospital early on in the season of Whore Bus.
12 of 12 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on July 15, 2009 1:39 PM