Last week on Charm School: Trash picked up trash, Kiki got eliminated, and we learned a whole new racial stereotype. We already learned that black girls are loud and white girls are drunk strippers with fake boobs, but now we also know that girls of indiscriminate racial heritage are mute. Awesome. I'm learning so many new things from this show.
We open with Kiki's elimination and Soho losing her damn mind. She's crying and screaming about how unfair it is and says she's leaving Charm School. She calls Marcia a potentially dangerous alcoholic, and I'm wondering what real danger she poses. I mean, so long as you know not to make out with her when she's coming out of the bathroom you should be safe. Anyway, Brett Michaels totally deserved the puke kiss. Soho says something I try really hard to understand, but what I get is:
Soho calls her boyfriend and tells him she's coming home. He tries to talk her into sticking it out for the hundred grand, but she tells him it's not worth it, and then starts making up words again. Hey Soho, I hear if you yell your made-up words loud enough Mr. Webster will add them to his dictionary.
"thees sose b reeeltily! Ya hear that Mr. Webster?"
Kip, Brittanya, and Farrah are all outside hiding from the scary screeching of non-words and Farrah compares them to a bunch of squacking chickens. Um, no Farrah, they make dolphin noises, okay. Chickens are much less shrill. Soho shows us her buttcrack while telling us she doesn't need Charm School. She says she's not dropping out, she's protesting, and then calls herself a modern-day Martin Luther King. Yeah, you know, risking your life fighting for the rights of an entire race of people amidst death threats in a scary and intolerant time is totally the same as walking off a VH1 reality show. Gandhi ain't got shit on you, Soho.
Farrah says she feels like she got dropped in the middle of the ghetto, and she just can't take it anymore. In her confessional she tells us that she's not quitting, she's dropping out. Umm... Can someone tell me what the difference is? Have you ever walked up to someone and said, "Hey, I heard you quit college." and the other person was all like, "Bitch, I didn't quit, I dropped out. There's a difference." I'm seriously trying to think of any way those things could be different from each other, because Farrah's my girl and I hate to think she's a moron, but I'm left with no choice here. Charm School girls, English is not a strong subject for any one of you. Let's try and keep the wordplay to a minimum, okay? Anyway, Farrah says she'll just go make a hundred grand stripping, and I totally believe her. I have a friend that strips three nights a week and makes anywhere from 150k to 200k a year. Imagine how much cash you rake in if you're semi-famous...
The next morning Bubbles is doing the dishes in some cute little fluffy cloud pajamas. Brit is at the table praying and it's pretty hilarious.
Brit and Kip are in their rooms complaining about all the yelling in the house. They both say they wake up with headaches everyday and I have one word for them
Brit's talking shit about Tranny to Kip and says she looks like a dude and totally wants to be her, and of course Tranny hears all this and she is PISSED! She tells us that she's gonna ruin Brittanya's life, but seeing as how Brit is a violent offender who's facing jail time I really don't see what Tranny thinks she's gonna accomplish.
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Comments (8)
Porno has to be the most annoying reality tv character since Rodeo. She's just icky to look at.
And KO's cute and all, but her voice would drive me up the wall. Talk about dolphin sounds.
Someone ought to gag 3bay. Just another loudmouthed bully.
Really excellent recap, you're definitely coming into your strike Mik.
Race card!
1 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 2, 2009 6:12 AM
itchy till you take the race card out of play no new comments can be made ;)
all we will see is dolphin noises lol
2 of 8 | Posted by indychick | Posted on June 2, 2009 7:46 AM
EEEeeeeEEEEE Ork Ork Ork!!!
3 of 8 | Posted by snootchy bootches | Posted on June 2, 2009 9:12 AM
Oops, I forgot. Okay, Race Card is now out of play.
Although I'm pretty sure the Snark Card overrides all other cards.
Except the Holocaust Card.
;-D
4 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 2, 2009 9:41 AM
Oh yeah, and I meant that TheMiki was coming into (his/her?) stride.
Wonder what that says a person when a show like Charm School brings out the best in you.
5 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 2, 2009 9:43 AM
Dang it, Itchy! I was just starting to embrace my inner dolphin.
What were we talking about again? Oh yeah... this show sucks, but the recaps don't.
6 of 8 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 2, 2009 9:50 AM
Itchy: Thanks, and yeah, K.O.'s voice is annoying, but since she rarely uses it she's forgiven. I would like to think that Charm School doesn't bring out the best in me (terrifying thought) but I was stoked to get this show because the worse the TV the more fun it is to recap. Flipit seems to be enjoying The Fashion Show...
SB: eeek eek to you too. Glad you're digging the recaps, and I concur. This show sucks.
7 of 8 | Posted by Themiki | Posted on June 2, 2009 10:01 AM
I am loving your recaps, Miki.
BTW didn't Marcia try to strangle somebody on the Love Bus? That might be why they think she's dangerous. She can't hold a candle to Brittanya, in my book.
Brittanya should hit up good ol' Bret for a "loan." I'm sure she could "work it off."
8 of 8 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 2, 2009 1:28 PM