In this episode, the girls put together weird little bands complete with manager, music director, creative directors and stylist. Unfortunately, they're about as talented as you think they are.
Throw some makeup on this kid and maybe a water bra and he could have won.
Our Sharon, eagerly anticipating this week's episode.
Hello lovelies and welcome to another week of Rock of Love: Charm School...or, Sharon Osbourne's who want's to be a bitch-ionnaire! And look, almost everybody's won! Still, there are people that are holding onto that little life raft I like to call human decency for their chance to win a bunch o' money. Man, do I love reality t.v. and, hair bleach. And, mysteries.
LIke, will we see another one of these puppies this week?
Sorry, folks. I had to. But really, there is ample, ample camel toe on this show. I thought there'd be, I dunno, nudity, but nope- instead there's something much much worse: vaginal lips outlined by cheap fabric.
So we start this week's episode of Charm School in the kitchen, where Evil Lacy is mowing down on a cinnabon-looking thing and bitching about being the lead singer of a rock band. OH SHIT, and I also found her band and their music video online. They're called Noctourne. What a treat! Go here to view it: http://seriouslyomg.com/?p=6133. It's like a whiny music video from the 80's, but like low production eighties where all the crew members had mustaches and Heather was considered hot. Wait, was Heather ever considered hot? Maybe in the mesozoic era. Still, here's a couple teasers from Lacy's horrible, horrible music video.
Bad Pornos never felt so talentless....
Look at me and my disinterested extras!
A crew member on set of the music video...oh wait, that's just Heather napping on a plastic bag.
Excuse my tangent. Anyhoo, Lacey decides to get serious, but she doesn't specify what that means. To me, it would mean dying your hair a shade of red that doesn't look like my period blood, or maybe not making horrible music. But hey, that's just me.
Sharon sends them a little note telling them to get their little outfits on and get their assies to the classy. Room, that is. God, I'm so clever. And, awesome.
We learn this week's commandment is "Thou Shalt be Taking Care of Business."
Dude, I always thought the commandments look better in Pink n' Chrome.
Sharon introduces Miles Copeland, legendary band manager. I wikipedia'd him and got some CIA agent, but then I looked again and he actually has managed some pretty big people: the Go-Go's, Sting, R.E.M. So, what's he doing here?
Boobies.
Oh, and lookie lookie- he almost makes Jessica want to manage a band, even though she has no interest in music, culture, or music culture. Now that's influence. Or, the three Harvey Wallbangers she had for breakfast.
I thought they were juice....
Sharon tells the girls that each group needs to select a band manager, a musical director, a stylist and two creative directors. And, one skankwhore. But everyone wants to be the skankwhore so Sharon cancelled the position. Boo-hoo....now whose going to eat gummy bears in the back of the band's trailer and wait to give a blowjob to the first person who enters?
Seriously?
She then notifies the girls that the winning band manager is safe, while the loosing one will have to be called down for potential expulsion. Meh, whatever- it's not like they're automatically expelled. I'm sure SOMEBODY will do something that far eclipses some girl fucking up their little challenge. Foreshadowing, anyone?
For the first group, Destiney decides to be band manager, Dallas the stylist and designated eye-roller, musical director Lacy, and the two creative directors Christie Jo and Brandi M. For the second group, brainiac Brandi C. decides to be the band manager, Heather as the stylist (another brilliant move), Jessica as the music director and the two creative directors turn out to be Megan and Inna.
And then, the auditions. Brandi C.'s main goal as manager is to bring in the hottest, cutest guys to make the hottest, cutest band. Goody! Here you go, Brandi-face:
May I present exhibit number one....
Hahaha. Twists and turns at every corner with this Charm School shit! Still, Destiney wants to recruit demented court jester to be in her little band because he can sorta sing. And by sorta, I mean, he sounds like he made it to, maybe, the second round of American Idol, and then got all bummed so he decided to put eyeliner all over his face.
Wait- have we had sex?
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Comments (11)
I have decided that I do not need to watch this train wreck of a show, I can just read about it later! Although your recaps are short, I think you're doing a good job and look forward to reading the crazyness that ensued.
I kinda wish Jess, the winner from season one, would be on this show. Although she doesn't need to be here, she would take no crap and put Bloody Lacy in her place.
1 of 11 | Posted by happymomma | Posted on November 6, 2008 11:44 AM
haha, cameltoe. I knew you would be excited to see that!
I couldn't believe they made her wear that outfit!! It was in no way flattering.
Also, good ridance to Megan and I was pretty happy that Brandi wanted to go too. Hopefully she still does...
2 of 11 | Posted by bnvixen | Posted on November 6, 2008 11:48 AM
I looked at Megan's Wiki page and it says in 2005, she graduated as an accounting major from the University of Illinois at Chicago. So I'm sure that 97.5% of her is an act. It's sad that her act is to be an idiot.
3 of 11 | Posted by sheyanicole | Posted on November 6, 2008 12:28 PM
Did Megan act the same way on Beauty and the Geek that she does on all the VH1 shows?
4 of 11 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on November 7, 2008 2:56 AM
I feel a bit bad for Brandi C. I seriously think she is mentally challenged. And I would bet that people in her real life take advantage of her just as they have done on these shows.
5 of 11 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 7, 2008 4:15 AM
OMG!! Thank you so much for that link to the music video. The last thing I viewed with that level of pathetic quality was the PSA video for dating abuse awareness we did in community college.
Snootchy Bootches, I totally agree about Brandie C. That is probably why she was in that bad porn and why in everyone of these shows she clings to some person like they are her lifemate. She needs a keeper...poor thing.
6 of 11 | Posted by shan_evans | Posted on November 7, 2008 4:27 AM
I watched that "music" video of Lacey's (well the first minute or so anyway) and I gotta ask, did anyone else think she was looking especially tranny? That was the absolute worst thing I have ever seen.
She needs to go next now that accountant Meg has gone. And all this talk of her degree reminds me of the ANTM contestant that was attending Harvard, majoring in English Lit, and didn't know who Jane Eyre was. Give me a break...
7 of 11 | Posted by RazzBeth | Posted on November 8, 2008 9:21 AM
I agree, evil Lacey needs to go. You think, with her Daddy being so rich, she could afford a decent production budget for her video.
And yes, she's mannish. It's in the shoulders and the face.
Kisses,
Monamonzano
8 of 11 | Posted by Monamonzano | Posted on November 8, 2008 1:56 PM
I agree, evil Lacey needs to go. You think, with her Daddy being so rich, she could afford a decent production budget for her video.
And yes, she's mannish. It's in the shoulders and the face.
Kisses,
Monamonzano
9 of 11 | Posted by Monamonzano | Posted on November 8, 2008 1:57 PM
What always gets me is how completely UNsexy Lacey is. I mean, she has no grace, no charm and she walks like a truck driver. Ick.
Megan was quite normal (althought daft) and even a little sweet on Beauty and the Geek. And she won the show. I'm sure her agent suggested the bitch act thing to get the extra screen time. She is definitely talented at getting herself in the center of the action each time. Glad to see her go. Her act gets a little old.
But then, I just don't get the point of this show at all. Although Sharon Osbourne is excellent.
10 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 8, 2008 4:43 PM
I'm surprised at how much I'm liking Kristy Jo this time around...she's playing it very cool and her "cameltoecameltoecameltoecameltoe" interview was hilarious. I'll also love Brandi M (and her totally Buffalo ways) and Heather forever. Class or no, they're some funny bitches.
11 of 11 | Posted by suedisco | Posted on November 10, 2008 8:38 AM