The Class keeps getting Klassier here at Rock of Love: Charm School!
This week, the ladies learn all about the fine art of lovin' men...while lookin' hideous. The girls get uglied up, go on speed dates with C list celebrities and shoot the shit in their ugly suits....and, of course, controversy reigns when the ladies get boozy! I'll just say a few words: pink hair, ovary tattoos, spittle and backgammon. Minus the backgammon.
Hey, hope everyone had an awesome thanksgiving. I was too busy to celebrate- I had to perform multiple open heart surgeries on babies. but hey, how was your mom? Still drunk? Cool.
This week on Rock of Love's Charm School, it's the episode we've all been waiting for: how the girls deal with the mystery that is the opposite sex.
An ancient mystery.
Evil Lacey and Brandi C. talk about who they want eliminated next, though neither of them mention each other. Hmmm, guess they aren't on the same page as I am. Ah well. Brandi C. wants heather, whilest Lacey wants Brandi M. to get expelled. Lacey recounts that "she doesn't understand why these girls don't understand that every time they fuck with them, we get them sent home." Yeah, Lacey, you have ultimate power. Make sure, next time you apply for a job, to put on your resume, "power to kick girls off of fake reality tv show." It'll get you far in life. Oh! Put it right next to "ability to make shitty music and/or music videos" and "ability to dye my hair the color of menstrual blood." I'd hire you in a heartbeat, period-head.
Elvis, the later years.
The girls get an Osbournian memo and it states that "it's time for you to take charge of your romantic fortunes. The lesson this week is how to cultivate healthy relationships with yourself and men-folk. Oh, ladies, it's the episode you and I both have been waiting for- to see you as the wrecking balls you are, in front of a gaggle of penises. Perfect.
Mmmm....penises.
Kristy Jo, after proving her literacy by just barely getting through Sharon Osborne's letter, is excited by the prospect of entertaining those who would potentially sperminate her.
Just Practicing.
Daniella introduces commandment number six, "Thou Shalt sorta tryta Rock at being semi-non-sluts," Actually, it's "Thou Shalt Rock at love." Undoubtedly, some girls will misread this as "Thou shalt rock at love-making in my Honda Prelude. Right now. No, I won't buy you a drink. Please be clean down there. Love, MEN." But to each her own, right?
Donna Barnes comes in, who is apparently a skank tamer/realtionship coach. Actually, she looks a lot like that bitch Megan's mom or something. Am I right?
I left my Chihuahua out to die...I, er, I mean at home.
Destiney reveals that she only had one long term relationship that ended in divorce...classy. Wait, I found a wedding photo:
Different skank, same sentiment.
Megan's mom asks how many people are single of all the sluts, and -surprise surprise- everyone raises their skanky little paw.
And how many of you have genital herpes?
Anal bleeding?
As Megan's mom smugly smiles at these poor slut-a-muffins, Brandi M recounts that she has no love life, aside from the blow up dolls she recently inherited from the PSA challenge.
Megan's mom starts with some helpful tips. Number one: don't show too much emotion (insert still of Brandi C with eye makup streaming down her dirty little pie-hole). Megan's mom emphasizes that, when alcohol gets involved, girls get...well, let's just say sometimes when I drink, I wake up in the back of a Camry with my dress on backwards. And you know what? I don't even OWN a Camry. Brandi C. talks about how (surprise surprise) she usually "goes on emotion" when she gets into a relationship. She also likes to wear her mommys shoes around the walk-in closet and pretend she's a grownup. oh, and she likes bright colors and blowjobs. Really, why. is. this. girl. single?
The second tip goes hand in slutty hand with the first one: Don't fucking get wasted all the time. Er, I mean, drink in moderation. And by moderation, I think Megan's mom means that you shouldn't be puking at the dinner table into a napkin so that little chunks of puke squirt out onto your aging, pseudo-rockstar date (I'm looking at you, Brandi M!).
Fuck Bret Michaels- save the Tiramisu!
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Comments (5)
This show has become a sitcom parody of a reality show. Maybe it's because of the recurring cast of characters -- some of these girls have been on three shows this year already, something like that?
So they've all become fictional, and as in all fiction, it doesn't really matter what happens to any of them. Who stays, who goes, pff! They might as well spit on each other.
And yeah, some of those tattoos are really nasty. Like this pubic hair tattoo trend --don't these women realize that after the third kid, their abdominals will be exploded, their bellies are going to sag down to their knees, taking those tattoos with them? Ick.
And what's with this Riki guy and his arms? I mean, was this his (futile) attempt to somehow appear to be cool? Is he really going to look at that mess in 20 years and be pleased with himself?
Ick. Ick. Ick. That's my mantra while watching this show. Which of course I watch. Of course.
1 of 5 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 2, 2008 10:25 PM
Itchy, I think it's about 20 years too late for Rikki to worry about his future.
2 of 5 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on December 3, 2008 5:08 AM
Of course I watch too. Isn't this train wreck a total and complete guilty pleasure?
3 of 5 | Posted by Clair | Posted on December 3, 2008 8:50 AM
Clair, I would agree with you, if Megan were still there... ever since she left (WAY too SOON!), the show has just been complete dullsville... unlike FOL Charm School, with each episode escalating to a most brilliant smack down of Bootz.
4 of 5 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on December 3, 2008 11:29 AM
If you love watching skanks in action, check out Rehab:Party at the Hard Rock, on Tru TV, Tuesdays 10p. I'm guessing this show won't be recapped because it is "actuality" and not "reality"? Anyway, it's fun to see these train wrecks in their natural habitat.
Brandi M. for the win!
5 of 5 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on December 3, 2008 11:56 AM