Megan's mom goes on to say that one of her favorite sayings is "Sex Makes you stupid?" But, I pose this question, Megan's Mom: what if your'e already stupid? Does sex make you exponentially stupider or should you gladly fuck away like a wild billy goat, your eyes devoid of thought or feeling?
Just get a tattoo.
Ahh, so many existential questions. Suddenly, aging Riki is in the room and poses a question to Megan's mom: should you ever discuss your ex's with a potential guy? Megan's mom says no. OOPS! Guess I shouldnt've brought up those restraining orders I've had out on my last date. Kristi Jo also made that mistake, apparently, as evidenced by her shit-her-pants face after the announcement of the "don't talk about ex's rule...
It's warm in my Charm School knickers.
Basically, Megan's mom asserts, get men with your brains and personality, not with your lame tattoos and smell of skank. Easy, right? No? I love how these girls are manically scribbling notes that should be total no-brainers. Man...I really think they're mentally handicapped, these girls. Brandi C. still resists the fairly obvious teachings of Megan's mom, because she thinks being a slut is "fun." yeah, no shit. Know what else is fun? getting gang-banged by a bunch of Filipino interpretive dancers in the back of a P.T. Cruiser. yeah, it's all jolly good while youre holes are getting plugged and all you've had to eat and snort are poppers, but in the morning, man do you feel like crap-ola.
Believe me.
Megan's mom leaves and Daniella tells the girls that they'll be speed dating with three eligible bachelors after getting an "unstyling" from some special effects geeks. But come on- do the girls really need it? It's like a slutty jurassic park up in here, already.
Watch out- they're smart enough to work door handles.
All the girls are aptly outraged at this new twist, and man, by the end of their makeover, most of them just look like Sarah Jessica Parker from Hocus Pocus. I mean, yeah, they all look hideous but it's in a costumey sort of way. Lacey just sorta looks like her evil self, but with the added improvement of not having period-colored hair.
the pink flames help, too.
All Destiney really has is a fat suit on, too. Boring! Heather usually looks like a dude, but now she looks less like a tranny dude and more like a lesbian lumberjack with bad skin.
Timberlands not pictured.
Kristi Jo also gets a fat suit, but in addition to that, she gets a big 'ol Marx brothers wig and apparently, epilepsy.
I'm going to cut her open and use her for warmth and shelter.
Kristi Jo bitches a little about it being unfair, her being so ugly and all, but please- the worst makeunder by far was Heather, if only because it accentuated the fact that she constantly looks mannish. And then the girls embark on the harrowing journey that is uncomfortable, uglied-up, speed dating.
Charlie is the first guy, and he looks sort of like an Aryan sheep dog oaf. Apparently, he's also a reality whore, having starred on the bachelor. Nice...here's another resume builder for you, babycakes. Brandi C. comes out all uglied up and it's just boring, boring boring. Gawd, give these girls some drinks and a push up bra, then you'll see them shine.
The second bachelor is Ace Young, from American idol. Geez, he was grammy nominated? what the hell are you doing on Charm School, fratrenizing with uglified skanks? Lacey regails Ace with all her boring-ass details about her lackluster, boring-ass music career. Ohhh, Lacey, what? you play glokenshpeil? You're sooo prolific. What? your dog ate your master symphony? Boo hoo.
Actually, all jokes aside: Lacey did think she was going to impress Ace Young with her mastery of the Kazoo. Wow. I know I'm impressed when my four year old niece playes the Kazoo, why shouldn't it impress me when Lacey does?
Sharon, watching from her lair, says what's on everybody's mind. "Why don't we put Lacey down? It's time." Meh, I wish. She actually just says "why would anyone go out with that period-head skankgasm of a fake musician?" Agreed, Sharon. And, noted.
John Wolfe, the lucky third bachelor, is a banker/ad exec/multi-degree holder/boring ass. And, he's not even really good looking. He looks...like a potato-head.
I also have a degree in Snooty glances.
See, it would be bad if I met John, because he might feel threatened by all my academic and business accomplishments, along with my hobbies: neurosience and precious metal welding. Guess it isn't meant to be, John.
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Comments (5)
This show has become a sitcom parody of a reality show. Maybe it's because of the recurring cast of characters -- some of these girls have been on three shows this year already, something like that?
So they've all become fictional, and as in all fiction, it doesn't really matter what happens to any of them. Who stays, who goes, pff! They might as well spit on each other.
And yeah, some of those tattoos are really nasty. Like this pubic hair tattoo trend --don't these women realize that after the third kid, their abdominals will be exploded, their bellies are going to sag down to their knees, taking those tattoos with them? Ick.
And what's with this Riki guy and his arms? I mean, was this his (futile) attempt to somehow appear to be cool? Is he really going to look at that mess in 20 years and be pleased with himself?
Ick. Ick. Ick. That's my mantra while watching this show. Which of course I watch. Of course.
1 of 5 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 2, 2008 10:25 PM
Itchy, I think it's about 20 years too late for Rikki to worry about his future.
2 of 5 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on December 3, 2008 5:08 AM
Of course I watch too. Isn't this train wreck a total and complete guilty pleasure?
3 of 5 | Posted by Clair | Posted on December 3, 2008 8:50 AM
Clair, I would agree with you, if Megan were still there... ever since she left (WAY too SOON!), the show has just been complete dullsville... unlike FOL Charm School, with each episode escalating to a most brilliant smack down of Bootz.
4 of 5 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on December 3, 2008 11:29 AM
If you love watching skanks in action, check out Rehab:Party at the Hard Rock, on Tru TV, Tuesdays 10p. I'm guessing this show won't be recapped because it is "actuality" and not "reality"? Anyway, it's fun to see these train wrecks in their natural habitat.
Brandi M. for the win!
5 of 5 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on December 3, 2008 11:56 AM