Previously on Charm School: Bubbles swam in the air even though Charm School has a pool, Kip and Marcia decided they hated each other, the dolphin squad squeaked at Porno, and Porno got sent home to get some nookie (and I threw up in my mouth a little). Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Charm School. Let's get on with it, shall we?
It's a rainy day in, uh, wherever the fuck this school is located. I think it's in L.A. somewhere, but I don't remember L.A. having a whole lot of wet weather. Maybe storm clouds are attracted to crazy chicks? No, cause then the entirety of SoCal would look a lot like Seattle. Meh... I'm hungover and rambling. Let's see what our Charming Ladies in training are up to.
Tranny is bitching again about how much she hates Kip. Okay, we get it. You guys don't like each other. Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one caring. Tranny tries desperately to convince Marcia that Kip resembles Darth Vader. Here's a photo comparison for everyone.
That's the best match I could find, and I looked pretty hard. Yeah, Tranny, maybe you should leave the snarky nick-name giving to the experts (i.e. me) and you just stick to gobbing on the make-up and looking like a man, k?
So Marcia is making fun of either Kip or Brittanya and Brittanya is all sorts of pissed. She yells at Marcia a bit, but then remembers that she's got a one-way ticket to women's prison burning a hole in her pocket and stops short of actual physical violence. It's a shame, cause these bitches are getting boring and a good old fashioned chick fight might really liven things up.
Ricki gets on the intercom and calls the ladies down for their lesson, which today is "Thou Shalt Face Thy Fears."
Lala introduces Dr. Allison Arnold, also known as The Fear Liberator. She tells us that fear is mostly created in your mind, and holy shit did anyone not know that already? Jesus, lady, did you go to fake head doctor medical school for eight whole years to learn that?
She tells the ladies that when we get hurt we have to build up armor around our hearts and become tough or defensive or scared or cool. Seriously? This is crap. I could learn this all from listening to a country radio station for ten minutes.
So the Doctorator calls the ladies up one at a time to confess to what they're scared of. Brittanya is first, and she says she's scared that her son is gonna turn out all fucked up if she goes to jail for a year. I'm pretty sure her son is gonna turn out all fucked up anyway, just because his mom seems to enjoy being a giant skank on national television, but I guess I could see the jail thing kinda compounding the issue.
So Brittanya cries a lot and there's some hugging or something and I decide to start drinking. K.O. is up next and her deepest fear is losing her brother because he's her only blood relative. She says that she doesn't think her life is worth living without him and Doctor Arnold has all the ladies come up and say something nice to K.O. about how not worthless she is. This would have been way funnier if they all had to say something nice to Kip or Porno or something, but as is it's pretty genuine and everyone thinks K.O. is just awesome.
3bay is next and she says she's scared of getting murdered. Apparently she has a stalker and she carries a gun at all times. The doctor makes her lay down, and then for no reason I can really understand the other ladies come up and play Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board.
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Comments (9)
Great recap, Miki, except that it was Franklin Roosevelt who said "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."
1 of 9 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 14, 2009 6:53 PM
Haha! I totally knew that. Have I mentioned how much I had to drink before writing this recap? Yeah, I think I have.
2 of 9 | Posted by TheMiki | Posted on June 14, 2009 7:25 PM
They both said it FDR para phased old Winston.
"Nothing is to be feared but fear itself"
Winston Churchill
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself " First inauguration of Franklin D. Roosevelt
3 of 9 | Posted by indychick | Posted on June 14, 2009 9:30 PM
Another show I fell asleep in the middle of.
And I'm a pretty dedicated (wife says 'obsessive') skanky reality TV fan. So that says a lot about this show.
4 of 9 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 15, 2009 12:30 AM
indychick, I could find no evidence that Churchill ever said anything like that. And that was 20 minutes of my life I'll never get back. (lol)
Montaigne, Francis Bacon, the Duke of Wellington,and Thoreau all said things close to it. Bacon said, "There is nothing terrible but fear itself" in 1620. Wellington said, "The only thing I am afraid of is fear" in 1836. And Thoreau said, "Nothing is so much to be feared as fear itself" in 1851.
Now we're all edumacated about that.
5 of 9 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 15, 2009 1:17 AM
i goggled it - copied and pasted - i take no ownership of the saying - as i find that fear itself is not really that scary -but then again i have raised two teenagers so i have faced some real scary stuff.
6 of 9 | Posted by indychick | Posted on June 15, 2009 7:57 AM
I actually felt really bad for Bubbles when she was talking about her childhood. That seemed really genuine - who would've thought on this show??
7 of 9 | Posted by ohionancy | Posted on June 15, 2009 8:06 AM
From what I gathered in my googling of the saying, it is commonly misattributed to Mr. Churchill. He said a lot of great things. This saying is very true when talking about the economy, however. It runs on confidence.
I felt like some of the girls had really dark issues that aren't appropriate for this sort of show. Kudoes to the girls who refused to go into their fears. And how is someone stalking you a fear that is coming from you? They are stalking your ass! They may want to kill you!
8 of 9 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 15, 2009 1:30 PM
Woo-hoo more Hugh Jackman!!
Oh great recap too! ;) Isn't that the same doc Ally from Scott Baio's trainwreck, I mean show?
Yes, I love me some bad reality TV.
9 of 9 | Posted by yeknom | Posted on June 16, 2009 11:39 AM