Ricki announces that the winner of the show will get a hundred thousand dollars and they all act way surprised and excited. Either these girls are even dumber than we thought or some producer ordered them to act like they didn't already know that. It's the third season ladies. Everyone knows what you win. Brittanya tells us that she's in trouble with the law and could really use the money to pay for a lawyer. I am absolutely shocked that a girl like that would get in trouble with the law. She must have jaywalked or illegally downloaded music or something because she definitely doesn't have any sort of anger management problems.

So in rolls a big truck with Out of the Closet written on the side and a lot of the girls look kind of scared. Don't worry ladies (ahem...Natasha), you don't have to come out of the closet for this challenge. The truck is for a charity that collects clothing for people with HIV and AIDS and the girls' first challenge will be to go through their stuff and donate some clothing to the cause. That's actually pretty brilliant since the recipients already have an incurable STD. I can't imagine anyone else wanting clothes from this gang.

So the "ladies" head off to their rooms and Bubbles finds out she's bunking with So Hood. God that name is stupid. I'm just gonna call her SoHo for now, but I once again reserve the right to come up with a better nickname once I see a little more of her personality. Bubbles informs us that her bunkmate and her do not get along, and this is pretty painfully obvious as Bubbles tries to be sweet and wishes SoHo luck while SoHo screams in her face a lot. Damn, there goes all the money I had on Kiki. Oh well. The Whore Bus girls immediately run off to find the booze, and I know you're all completely shocked because that's so completely out of character. Before they can get too many shots down Miss Lake announces that it's time to go to their lockers and find their uniforms. For a school that teaches class and charm they sure do dress their girls a lot like private dancers. SoHo agrees with my assessment, and says she had an outfit like that back in her stripping days. Once they're all dressed and ready they go to their rooms to pick out what clothes they want to donate. 3bay wants to donate her Real Chance panties and I'm sorry but ew! I don't think anyone wants your skanky used panties, lady. One of the other girls has a matching shirt and they think that's just awesome. I'm so feeling sorry for the donation recipients at this point.
undies.jpg

Over in white trash land Beverly is SMASHED. She starts shit with Porn about being crazy and hiding food and socks and stuff in her bed. Porn informs us that she's not gonna take shit from these girls anymore, and then proceeds to stand up for herself by calling Beverly a bad mother. I can't say I don't agree, but I really don't think a batshit insane porn star has any right to call anyone else's parenting skills into question. Bev gets pissed and pushes Porn and the Real Chance girls are trying to pull them apart and calm them down. Okay ladies, time for a reality check. Listen very carefully: The girls from Real Chance of Love are currently trying to mediate your behavior. Think about that for a minute. When a girl who goes by the name of So Hood thinks that you are out of control it's time to step back and reevaluate your existence.

So Ricki breaks things up via intercom by calling the ladies down to get their pins and make their donations. Farrah thinks her uniform is hideous, but Kip saves the day by telling her to unbutton her shirt and let her boobs hang out. Yeah, I can feel these chicks getting more charming by the minute.
farrahcleavage.jpg

It's time to meet the new deans. First is LaLa, who I've never heard of but apparantly she hosted TRL for a while. Yeah, nothing qualifies a woman to reform hookers like hosting an hour of music videos getting screamed over by teenage girls. Still, she's far more qualified than our second dean Stryker, who took Adam Carolla's place on Loveline when he went on to do crap like The Man Show and The Hammer. I could see him being useful, since he's knows a lot about all the various sexually transmitted diseases in the room, but I don't really see him helping to reform anybody. The ladies think he's hot, and I think the ladies shouldn't drink so much.

Charm School with Ricki Lake Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7 

« Amazing Race: She Loses, Everyone Wins! | Main | Fashion Show: It's a Dress and a Sleeping Pill! »

Comments (23)

fire@will:

I think you did a FINe job, especially for a first effort!

I admit that I watched much of this (and I don't drink, so I offer no excuses). It is hard to tell who is exploiting who (whom?), but it is obviously not a serious attempt to teach these "ladies" to be charming. Maybe it is a cautionary tale - you can watch it with your 13 year old daughter and say "...and this is your mind on drugs".

tv freak:

Haven't gotten past the 1st page, but, as someone who has not watched more than 1 episode of real chance and has watched 0 episodes of bus, I have to thank you for giving descriptions of each girl. Other recappers could take a page from you.

bigjr6633:

Miki, for a 1st tvgasmer recapper u did a good job. lol I'm so glad someone is recapping this mess of a show. Looking at the girls i realized with the difference is between them the Rock of Love are the get drunk/let's have sex with eachother girls and the Real Chance of Love girls are the cuss/getting ready to fight u girls - either way it makes the show all entertaining.

itchy:

I'm disappointed Gia went home so early again...mostly because I still don't have any idea of what she looks like. She's just a blur. A sloppy drunken blur.

I get the feeling that she's dwarfishly short but her tits are blown up even bigger than Farrah's?

I too never watched Chance of Love, but so far (and I've watched Episode 2) they're all either loudmouth obnoxiously stereotypical black girls or just plain boring.

Except Bubbles. I heart Bubble.

uglycutie:

Recap's coo! Can't wait for the rest.

I, too, think the Real Chance of Love girls are too LOUD!!

.....BUT, I can't quite agree that loud mouth and obnoxious is the stereotype of a black girl/woman. Maybe a chick who keep signing up for these shows and chooses to hand with girls as loud as them.

pixielated:

I think that the loudmouth, fighting black girl is a stereotype of "ghetto" or "hood" girls.

I got the idea that Gia is kind of pretty. Too bad she's a pass-out drunk.

Does Farrah look a lot better than she did on "Rock of Love" or what? I hope she wins the $100,000. Actually, I'd love to see a show about her, Ashley, and Marcia living in a house with Sharon Osbourne--the new Golden Girls.

What IS (or was) "Real Chance at Love"?

pixielated:

Oh, Miki, awesome recap.

Isn't Risky kinda pretty? Did you do a "profile" of Marcia? Did I miss it? (And I haven't even been drinking.)

TheMiki:

Dammit! You're right. Sorry, got that recap up around three in the morning and I HAD been drinking. How's this: Marcia is from Brazil, loves tequila, and is my hero for telling Brett that not only was she not in love with him, but she wasn't even attracted to him. Then she gave away the bracelet he gave her and made him make sad face. It was awesome.

Valmommyt:

So happy to see someone recapping this, and you did a GREAT job! I confess, I watched Bus of Love, and Real Chance of Love, so I'm enjoying this immensely! I loved the scene with the RoL girls getting smashed, and the Real Chance girls all sitting in a row with their plates on their laps, and Natasha is sitting there with them, trying to blend in. I feel sorry for Bubbles, even though she would probably drive me crazy in real life. Oh, and did you notice when Marcia called "So Hood" "So Ho"? It's like she read your mind! Farrah for the win, but she and Ashly need to be seperated for that to happen.

Phlip:

Yes! I was hoping someone would recap this show! Great job for your first recap. I'm excited to see the rest.

As for the girls, I have to say Bubbles is my favorite, but then again, that's mostly because she was my favorite on Real Chance of Love. Same for KO. By the way, does anyone else wish all the girls would be referred to by their real names like the first season? Because it's really weird calling one girl Ashley and the other So Hood.

itchy:

Sorry, yes, when I wrote "black girls" I meant only within the universe of reality television (or this type of show). 'Hood girl works much better. They're like the Stepin Fetchits of reality tv.

And I too really enjoyed how the hood skanks acted all demure during dinner. And how Porn Stalk sat with them (because her grandfather was black?)

Ashley...I'm just not on that train. She was funny for a little while there, but she's just too stupid to be captivating.

Farrah seems smarter and could almost be likeable.

Although aren't her airbags smaller now? Maybe she finally read the instructions for them and realized she'd been inflating them too much.

Snootchy Bootches:

I once had a friend like Bubbles. Her name was Barb and she was very well educated, but didn't have a lot of common sense sometimes. And, like bubbles, she had a baby-girl voice that made her sound dumb. Some of the things that Bubbles says make sense, but the way she says them makes them sound dumb. Like the famous mouse/cheese/box statements were in reference to B.F. Skinner's behavioral theories.

And for those who didn't watch Real Chance at Love... it was Real and Chance from I Love NY 1 and I Love Money 1. They are brothers and did the show together. A lot of the girls on that show were loud and aggressive. And the famous scene of SoHood on that show was when she decided that she was sexually frustrated and ran around the house screaming for batteries so she could put them in her vibrator. And when she got them, she walked right by everyone into the bathroom and took care of her business while they were all sittng outside. 3Bay never shuts her mouth and likes to talk shit about everyone else without realizing how much of a hypocrite she is. Kiki was kicked off of that show for her aggression (more comments about this on the next recap). Risky is probably the most normal of the 4 RCoL girls.

Snootchy Bootches:

I should have said... the most normal of THOSE 4 RCoL girls. I forgot their were others (and didn't count Bubbles).

K.O. is called that because she is a professional fighter of some sort. Boxer, maybe?

ohionancy:

This was an awesome recap for your 1st one - I really enjoyed it - hurry up with the next one - I am bored at work :)

reckless_saturn_11:

First time recap or your 100th recap. It doesn't much matter because I think that you did an incredible job. You did what most first time recappers struggle with at the beginning finding a balance between giving a straight run down of what happened with a good mixture of snark and jokes.

What I find strange about this season of Charm School is that last season they completely down played the alcohol. In fact, I think they encouraged the girls not to drink and there was not a bar set up. I think that you hit the nail on the head. VH1 does not care about a wit about helping these girls, but does that really come as a surprise? Who cares if most of these girls have raging drinking problems, it adds to the drama and the fighting so bring on the booze.

kittkatt357:

Great 1st time recap! Oh and LaLa is married to Carmaelo Anthony I think.

heykate7:

HAHAH i love that you say ashley talks like Kip because she totally does. I knew she always had a ridiculous voice and way of talking but i couldnt quite put my finger on it, so thanks for that comparison!
Great recap!

itchy:

TheMiki -- you can watch clips from the various episodes of Real Chance of Love on VH1 site... better wear a full-size body condom, because it's as sleazy as the come.

But you get an idea of why they get their nicknames and why they're all just as famewhorish as the ROL skanks.

Although Bubbles looked even cuter on that show. Here's hoping she gets her own 'of Love' show.

jungaluv:

La La Vasquez is the fiancée of Denver Nuggets player Carmelo Anthony. She was thrown out of game 4 of Nuggets vs. Mavericks when she got into a screaming match with a Mavericks fan. Perfect judge to show these hos some class...

NotWithoutMyTV:

I see that the tramp stamp as a badge of skankiness has been replaced by symetrical facial piercing.

Oh, those wacky kids!

I want Brittany Star for the win! Loud-mouthed, head rollin', finger-waggin', Ebonics-speakin' hood bitches as a reality show staple is pretty much played out now.

I didn't see Bus of Love, and I grant that she's overly dramatic, but if you're coming to this show cold, like I am, all the Charm School bitches pretty much declared war on Brittany from the beginning. That whole Beverly thing looked totally scripted (at least on Beverly's part). I don't even thing Beverly was that drunk when she started the fight. (Though she sure was later on.)

TheMiki:

itchy: Nowhere in my contract did it state that I had to watch Real Chance at Love. I did not sign on for that! Maybe I'll dig out a few old clips, but I saw half an episode of that show and it made my brains hurt a lot.

NWOMTV: Porno seems like an innocent victim, much like Bubbles, but the woman is certifiable. She's not mean, I'll give her that, but she scares me more than Kiki. She's the park outside your house and collect your fingernail clippings from your garbage can type.

OhioNancy: Episode two is officially submitted. Just waiting for Flipit to post it. Should be tonight or tomorrow.

Thanks for the feedback guys. I'm rather enjoying my recapping duties.

wintersux:

I'm sorry, Porn Stalk is just creepy. We never did get an explanation of why she stole all those dirty socks on ROL Bus. Gross!!

purplex15:

Great recap, but I have one major gripe: the Adam Carolla reference. Adam left Loveline b/c the offered him Howard Sterns morning spot on the west coast a few years back when Howard switched to sirius. Also, the man show was on in the 90's, and filmed at the same time as Loveline. And the hammer, is an awesome, funny movie. Even if it's not your cup of tea, you have to admit, it was still not a terrible movie by any means.

Sorry, I love adam, and had to defend him.

anyway, the reat of the recap was great, and i look forward to a great season with you.

oh and pornstalk stole the socks because she said they were free, the manager said it was fine, and was giong to donate them to goodwill, i think.

Post a comment

Post a comment

405