And now for the main event. Heather Chadwell's Tribute to Heather Chadwell. And it's not just an image of her face. It's a meaningful image of her face. The downcast eyes indicate shame! (Lacy interjects it's Heather thinking she looks hot and, for once, I agree with Lacy.) Heather volunteers that this would be a great t-shirt campaign and that in a few months they could do another one, because people will keep wondering how she's doing in her life. People are totally interested in seeing where she's at everyday! We can solve this problem by just getting her a reality show and not manufacturing face t-shirts. But that's just one person's opinion.
I could be dancing like this on one of them. There could be a whole stripper pole series. Really, Ed Hardy man and creepy French dude, the possibilities are endless.
After Heather's train wreck, they all come in to hear what the judges thought. Destiney is up first and it turns out that Christian is wearing at that very moment a shirt with an upside down guitar. Boo hiss. Destiney can barely contain her excitement for this development. Hard Rock t-shirt ripper offers unite!
Btw, did anyone notice Riki is wearing his self-branding shirt?
Branding attempt: FAIL.
The judges allll love Destiney, blahblahblah. Next up is Brandi M. Christian Audigier talks about her "octopussy" which elicits snickers all around. Sharon pipes up that she likes the anchor because her daughter has a tattoo just like it and it reminds me of her. I put my fingers in my ears because don't like to be reminded of Sharon's offspring. Sharon is perfect. And childless. The French dude thinks nautically themed things are for people with boats. Don't they get that Brandi M. is a pirate?? Lay off and manufacture the damn hoodie already.
Lacy is up next and the French dude likes it except for the ol' "beast" paw in the way, which is of course Lacy's favorite part.
Hasn't he seen the footage of me and Dallas? Doesn't he know what I'm capable of? STFU, skeezy French dude.
And now for Queen Heather Chadwell! Christian Audigier just doesn't get why her mug is there in the first place. Well...it's like the trademark tiger shirt, she fumbles, but I'm the tiger! She talks about her life on TV and how her fans look up to her and they can get a piece of that, you know? Cue the cricket chirp.
The French dude bluntly says that it's not for him and Christian, so she tries to save it with the computer crashing story, but if there's one thing judges on reality shows don't like it's excuses. She would have fared better with a pie chart t-shirt.
Sharon says that she's stuck between two. Brandi M. and Destiney. Now I think the hoodie would sell way better. It looks like it could be at a Forever 21 right now. Christian says that marketing-wise Brandi M's is better, but of course he's feeling some upside-down guitar solidarity so he says design-wise Destiney's is better.
It all comes down to Sharon who chooses dead parent over nautical. You can't win over dead parents. Ever.
I choose Destiney's because I don't really like my children or their tattoos.
Riki also reminds us that Destiney has been losing her shit over this challenge, so it would have been totally embarrassing for a girl who didn't even know what she wanted to do in the first place to beat her.
But enough of challenges and real successful people, let's get back to the girls and Heather Chadwell's meltdowns. Things look okay while they all toast with water at dinner, but as soon as they're done, Heather pops out of her seat and walks off. They snicker about how pissed she is, but Heather's not pissed. She's fragile! She runs back to the phone booth to call her gay friend Sham to come and get her. Sham? That name doesn't sound very truthful, Miss Truthful Pants.
Sham's all, girrrrrl. He tells her she should stay, but Heather feels like she's going to have a heart attack if she stays! Poor Heather! Sham even brings up the fact that she won't even get back on the stripper pole. Not sure how that's relevant, but somehow that proves that she has what it takes. WIllpower I suppose. He also mentions a college degree, but that's not true because she hasn't graduated from Charm School University yet.
All of this Sham-talking has inspired her though. Inspired her to go cry to Sharon.
Going-to-cry-to-Sharon t-shirt face avail Jan 09. Place your orders now.
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Comments (16)
No offense intended to the previous recapper who was also funny, but you made me laugh alot on the PUA2 recaps so Welcome to Charm School!
I like Heather. Even if she hadn't smacked Daisy in her head (which made me LOVE her), she is cool and funny. But the Heather that came out the last two weeks was just wrong. I made me feel bad to see her acting like that. And it made me nauseous to see people turning to Lacy! Ewww! Don't they realize that it is LACY? FFS!!
1 of 16 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 13, 2008 4:56 PM
I'm on the Love-Heather bus, but why, oh why, did she call out to Destiny, "come here, I want to talk to you" while she was on the toilet?? What? It couldn't have waited 30 seconds? (or 5 minutes, depending)
Fav recap line: Even god is jealous of Heather and had to intervene.
2 of 16 | Posted by Clair | Posted on December 13, 2008 9:51 PM
I remember Destiny's season of ROL and a lot of the girls said that she would never close the bathroom door... even for number 2! So maybe that is why Heather and her think it is no big deal.
3 of 16 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 14, 2008 4:12 AM
OK...I'm still annoyed that this whole mess was caused by Heather's own misunderstanding of the piechart assignment. Good lord...just like IS said, it was about satisfaction, not numbers! Arrghh. I can't believe not one of these dimwits didn't take her aside, smack her upside the head and explain this to her.
So, Destiney's a slut and needs 900 lovers to be satified - and since she doesn't have that - she scored herself low on the chart. No lies, no deception. Not even a hint of trying to appear less active. (btw I personally think that Destiney was rating her satisfaction level based on more 'traditional' type measurements..like love and relationships, but when confronted her brain started to misfire and she threw out what she thought were lowball numbers to defend her original piechart).
Destiney and Brandi were just following the rules of the assignment. They were not satisfied with their sex lives - for whatever reason. Heather with her amazing powers of perception immediately assumed that if there is a "sex" portion to the chart it MUST equate with numbers of partners. MORON. Because of course, if you are sleeping around and appearing on reality shows to get a boyfriend, money and charm that means you are super satisfied and your life is beyond amazing.
And I was a huge Heather fan - I'm just so completely pissed that she caused this whole thing for nothing and no one told her to STFU. And she wound up HELPING Lacy arrghh!! If just some PA would have brought her a little smoke she would have been able to think more clearly.
4 of 16 | Posted by realitee | Posted on December 14, 2008 3:53 PM
yes, i think we can all agree that it doesn't matter who goes whom IF LACY STAYS. i mean, wtf? sharon has to be gettin' money under the table to keep her there. i still think she should have gone instead of dallas and brandi c....well anyone really. but that whole spit thing never would have happened if lacy hadn't sent in booze-addled brandi c to do her do her dirty work. boo period head.
i rooting for brandi m., but my money is on destiney for the win.
5 of 16 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on December 14, 2008 4:11 PM
I can only imagine they kept Lacey around purely for the dramatic tv aspect. She can cause drama and fights with anyone and they knew she would be good for shock value till the end. I would like to think that Sharon and the others see through her BS.
6 of 16 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on December 14, 2008 8:39 PM
I loved this recap! The Heather caption "Hold up...let's all picture my face on this shirt" was almost too much.
Yeah, she totally went apeshit. She made no sense and wound up looking like an ass. Although I must say that when she was drunk and Lacey accused her of thinking she was an A-list celebrity and she drunkenly replied "I. Am. Bitch." was hilarious.
I hope Brandy M. takes the whole thing. I've liked her since ROL but Destiney is a nice enough ho too. Lacey MUST be sent home next epi but I just hope it goes down dirty and nasty. You, know, for my pleasure.
7 of 16 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on December 15, 2008 12:50 AM
I'm so glad you mentioned something about them filming Heather going to the bathroom as if it's no big deal. I couldn't believe it! Even if it is cable TV. I personally like how she was arguing with Destiney about her sex-life lies while obviously not caring that cameras were capturing a moment that I find much more intimate than sex. Sort of. Hmmm....
8 of 16 | Posted by andreak1013 | Posted on December 15, 2008 8:10 AM
i should have said something in the recap, but regarding the a-list celebrity fight with lacy and heather, "I. AM. BITCH." is truly the only way you can respond to that. AMAZING. if anyone ever accuses me of that, that is exactly what i'm going to say. it just rolls off the tongue.
also, did you guys see this?
www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,467024,00.html
how awesome is the reunion show going to be?? commandment 11: thou shalt not talk shit about ozzy or thou shalt get a dean beat down.
go, sharon!
9 of 16 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on December 15, 2008 9:05 AM
OMG, supposedly Sharon actually attacked Megan at the reunion. Totally bitch slapped her and yanked on her hair. Megan went to the hospital and filed assault charges.
Does anybody know about this? IS? Have you heard this yet?
This may be the best reunion, EVER!!!
Hugs
10 of 16 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on December 15, 2008 9:09 AM
I just read about the Megan beat down and rushed here to comment about it! lol
This is just one more reason to worship Sharon Osbourne. I absolutely love her!!
11 of 16 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 15, 2008 10:42 AM
omg...
"Osbourne is no stranger to fighting. According to the Mail, she threw a glass of water at a co-star when he made a joke about her husband. She also admitted to sending her own excrement in Tiffany jewelry boxes to a journalist who criticized her children, accompanied by a note reading “I heard you’ve got an eating disorder. Eat this.”
OMG!
12 of 16 | Posted by LOVES2PLAY05 | Posted on December 15, 2008 2:40 PM
TMZ has a picture of Megan's head where Sharon supposedly pulled a chunk of hair out. The skin isn't even red. Wouldn't it be red if an area of 3 inches by a half inch or so had all of the hair ripped out? And you can see her crap hair extensions in there too.
13 of 16 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 16, 2008 3:54 AM
Aw...what's wrong with spoken word? It's what I do...check it out on youtube search for 'mickey zero'...
Haven't watched the episode yet, for some reason it's not showing up on the net (and VH1 blocks viewers from outside the US...the bastards...)
14 of 16 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 16, 2008 5:30 AM
Okay, I finally managed to watch this episode, and wow, what a powerful next chapter in the story arc of Heather the Reality TV star. Guess she's be on celebrity rehab next?
Although the timing's about right -- it takes a few weeks for the THC to leave the system, then the brain starts to misfire because it misses its lil' teddy bear.
Re: having Sharon as your mom: so that includes your real dad getting done with Mrs. Osbourne, right? Just the image that came into my head...
Also, anyone notice that the 'transformed Lacey' comes with shampoo-- first time I think I've ever seen her hair washed.
This show is truly fizzlin' out...I guess that's the flaw in this type of show. It's all about having a whole mess of crazy idiot sluts in a house together. Three (or even four) just doesn't generate enough interest.
15 of 16 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 16, 2008 11:08 AM
Oh yeah, I forgot!
About Johnny Hallyday...
Picture if you will, Englebert Humperdink. Now, picture an Englebert Humperdink impersonator.
Ready? Now, picture a French (he's Belgian, actually) impersonation of the Englebert Humperdink impersonator. Except our guy can't really sing, he can only growl threateningly into a microphone. Give him a bunch of rehashed American pop songs with French lyrics and...the result is a 50-year career as THE hero of French pop music.
Truly, you've never seen anything as ridiculous as this guy. Not even that David Archuleta kid is this bad.
16 of 16 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 16, 2008 11:14 AM