Hallmark Presents: Silver Bells. A movie about the wonderment of Christmas, and the patience of a recapper. Anne Heche and Tate Donovan are in it, but no one else you'd know. And you may not even know Anne Heche and Tate Donovan. Basically, it's a story about following your heart in the big city (it's totally New York and not L.A.!) and about family (even after your loved ones have been dead for 3 years or more). I wanna give a shout-out to my roommate Carol, who provided the movie (it was a gift, okay? She didn't buy it!) and who suffered along with me. Any snark she provided is credited to her! Thanks, Carol. Happy Holidays everyone!
If you have a bottle of something, anything, you might want to open it now.
There's a forest of snowy pine trees, and a snowy river, and a snowy waterfall as the credits roll by. In short, everything looks like a Hallmark card. Anne Heche is listed first in the credits, because she's the biggest star here. That's sad. A girl drags a tree across the snow as Tate Donovan yells at his son, Danny to hurry up. There's work to be done! Danny is taking pictures while Tate is driving a horse drawn carriage. Seriously. He says, "Oh Donner! On Blitzen!" (Carol: "Uh, those are horses, dumbass.") Tate tells his kids that there's a lot to do, but Danny will have none of it! He has a class photo project to do. Mean daddy Tate yells at him again. The life of a tree farming family is hard. And also stupid. Based on a novel? Seriously? Oy.
Back at the house, Danny sits on his bed, looking at photos, hoping that they're good enough to be used for Shoebox greetings. They are not. The daughter brings up some food to him, and says that dad's just pissed because mom's dead. Who didn't see that one coming? Has there ever been a Hallmark Christmas movie in which someone's wife or husband or child didn't die around Christmas time? No, there has not. Apparently, Hallmark thinks that in order to really appreciate the holiday, someone has to die. And we're back to tree collecting. And now we're back at the house. The daughter, Bridget, has made dinner for everyone. She has to play mommy now that the real mom's gone. You know, she died at Christmas time. Bridget talks about some girl at school, but everyone else ignores her. (Carol (as Bridget.): "Well . . . guess I'll eat some carrots . . .") Awkward dinner!
Hey! I used to date Jennifer Aniston!
Outside the house, Tate, whose character's name is Christy (seriously) drives the family away. They arrive in New York! The big city. Christy asks if they've picked out a Broadway show yet as they pull up to an apartment in what is totally New York City and not a set in Los Angeles, and are greeted by Mrs. Quinn. Apparently they stay with her when they sell trees in NYC. Bridget is wearing a red coat and scarf. This will be important later, believe me.
The family unloads trees on the fake street in fake NYC as whimsical Christmas-y music plays on the soundtrack. Ah! 10 minutes in and we have our first Anne Heche moment as she grabs her keys from her apartment, which are located on a table along with black and white pictures of Anne with some guy. You think he's her husband? You think he's still alive? This is a Hallmark movie, so no. Dude is dead. She walks out onto the street, and Bridget says that the "museum lady" is coming. Christy tries to sell her a tree, but Anne wants no part of it. I guess they don't need Christmas trees on the spaceship ride back to her home planet. Don't aliens like Christmas too, Celestia?
At night, on the roof in what is totally not L.A., Danny sets up his camera to take pictures of the "NYC" skyline. Christy tells him to go to bed soon. More tinkly music as it's now morning. Wow. Each shot in this movie is about 10 seconds long. I guess that makes sense since the target audience only has the attention span to read a greeting card. Danny sits and eats with his dad and sister. The guy who plays Danny could totally be the next Leo DiCaprio . . . 's assistant.
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Comments (1)
I know I'm really late to commenting, but I thought this recap was really funny. I haven't seen (and won't watch) this movie, but your recap was enjoyable. I laughed out loud a couple of times and I totally rocked the My So Called Life flannel with my hair just like Angela's with the exception of the color.
1 of 1 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on January 3, 2008 6:44 AM