Catch The Bus... And Your Breath! - 
by B-Side
There's a great new commercial on television these days. It features the always lovable Jerome Bettis talking about asthma. Now, I know that doesn't sound very enticing, but trust me, it's amazing. It's the sort of non-ironic commercial spot I didn't think companies made anymore. I'll take you through it step by step, and I'll also keep the dialogue completely intact. None of these clever, fake TVgasm quotes. Just sit back and enjoy this very special commercial.

Here's Johnny. Can't be sure if that's his real name, but seriously. Look at him. He's a Johnny. Poor Johnny just wants to play football. Maybe someday, he can be like his idol, Jerome Bettis (note the Jerome Bettis jersey). But wait, Johnny has a look of sadness to him. Something is wrong with Johnny. Something is keeping him from his dream.

Suddenly, Johnny hunches over and gasps for breath as the gloomy specter of asthma raises its ugly head. Looks like Johnny won't be playing ball with the rest of the kids today. So long dreams. So long aspirations. So long life.

Time for Johnny to start a crippling drug habit. This life has no use for asthmatic losers like him.

As Johnny walks off the field and away from his dreams, a gravelly voice calls out to him. "Hey, Bus!"

"I'm not the Bus. I can't even catch my breath," Johnny replies, not bothering to see who's talking. Look up, Johnny! Look up!

"You have asthma, don't you?" asks the mysterious man off-camera. Clearly he is a wise sage, learned in the fine arts of asthma divination. And yet, Johnny still doesn't look up.

"How do you know?" Johnny answers, full of sass. No one knows his pain. But then suddenly...

"Hey, you're--"

"I'm a football player with asthma. Like you." HOLY SHIT!! JEROME BETTIS IS RIGHT THERE!!! JOHNNY'S IDOL!!!

Jerome then tells Johnny all about Asthmacontrol.com. Blah blah blah...

Johnny has a look of inspiration in his eye. He suddenly glances down at his trusty Bettis jersey. Wait, what's he gonna do? Something symbolic??

In a stunning turn of events, Johnny takes off his jersey. "Hey Bettis," he says, tossing the revered garment at the football legend.

"Wow! Thanks, kid!" Jerome replies. What an amazing moment. I've never seen someone so excited to receive a dirty replica of something they already owned.

"Thank you, Bus. For everything," Johnny says, walking away. You see, they each gave each other something valuable. But Johnny, how could you not hit him up for an autograph. No one's ever gonna believe that you just happened to meet Jerome Bettis on your way home. Loser.
Of course, I can only do so much justice to this fine ad. Maybe you should just watch it for yourself:
Click on The Bus to play.
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Comments
B-Side, I love you like a fat kid loves cake. I have to ask - are you by any chance originally from PA? I ask this b/c I have come across postings from you on Pittsburgh sites in the past. But maybe I was just riding blimp.
If you are not from PA, would you like to move here? I have a place for you to stay in my bed...errr...house. : )
Posted by: ra
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March 3, 2006 6:54 PM(#1 of 28)
oh my... i saw this the other day and i was looking around my empty apartment hoping someone else had seen that cause i knew nobody would believe it...
i'm glad i was hallucinating.
Posted by: beccs98
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March 3, 2006 8:12 PM(#2 of 28)
Ra -- I'm not from PA, actually. I just really like the Steelers, and in a random coincidence, WDVE in Pittsburgh sometimes calls me up and asks me questions about TV. One time I got to be on the air right before Vernon Haynes. It felt cool.
Posted by: B-Side
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March 3, 2006 8:31 PM(#3 of 28)
A Steeler fan and funny too? Sigh... : )
I am originally from the 'burgh, so I grew up listening to the DVE morning show. That's pretty cool that you have been on-air with them. They are hilarious.
Posted by: ra
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March 3, 2006 9:09 PM(#4 of 28)
Bside I love the days when you're on WDVE...Jim and Randy are ridiculous!!!!! Anyway since we all know how great of a guy Mr. Bettis is...you know fighting asthma, scoring touchdowns...the man was actually signing autographs while running out of a movie theater that had received a bomb threat the other night....what a guy
Posted by: Samynoodle
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March 3, 2006 9:30 PM(#5 of 28)
my cutie patotie bettis could be in a commercial for hemroids cream and i would still love him.
though the regifting of the fake jersey did make me cringe a bit.
go steelers!
Posted by: Leah3t
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March 3, 2006 10:45 PM(#6 of 28)
Leah3t -- that was really funny.
Jerome Bettis is awesome. It's not his fault that this commercial is so silly.
Posted by: B-Side
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March 4, 2006 12:57 AM(#7 of 28)
FYI:
i don't know if it qualifies as 'ironic,' but i guess y'all are too young to recognize that this advertisement is basically a quotation/re-interpretation of the very famous coca-cola spot that debuted during super bowl XIV in 1980 (the last of the steelers' first 4 championships), featuring hall-of-famer 'Mean Joe' Green, the cornerstone of the legendary 'steel curtain' defense. Mean Joe is hobbling down the locker room tunnel after a game, where he encounters a young fan, who tells Mean Joe he's the greatest and timidly offers him his frosty 12-oz. bottle of coke. Mean Joe takes the coke and pounds it in one swallow; the little boy hangs his head and starts shuffling off, whereupon Mean Joe yells 'hey kid!'and tosses his soiled jersey to the boy, who cries 'thanks, Mean Joe!' as mr. green flashes a toothy grin at the camera ('have a coke and a smile').
the spot can be viewed here:
http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/13159/details/
the asthma ad is still silly, and the role reversal doesn't make much sense, but it seems less random and odd when taken as part of the wave of '70s-era steelers nostalgia inspired by this year's championship squad. and you are right, b-side & leah3t--jerome could do about anything short of midget porn and i'd still love him. go steelers!
Posted by: jack
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March 4, 2006 7:06 AM(#8 of 28)
Hey Jack, you beat me. I noticed the same thing. The kid even looks a lot like the Mean Joe Green commercial kid, same haircut!
Posted by: qbmom
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March 4, 2006 7:20 AM(#9 of 28)
#2:I'm sitting at home alone looking at this commericial too, but I am glad no one is here to witness my private hyena laugh. Thanks for sharing, B-Side.
Posted by: joslyn
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March 4, 2006 7:51 AM(#10 of 28)
Steelers suck!
Posted by: subgenre
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March 4, 2006 10:18 AM(#11 of 28)
For shits and giggles The Svan went to the site and indicated the most healthy option for every choice. Surprisingly, I was still told to go to my doctor and talk about asmtha control. Stupid fucking pharmacological companies.
Posted by: The_Svan
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March 4, 2006 10:30 AM(#12 of 28)
thanks, jack, i thought the exact same thing and you just saved me a google search for the original commercial. i was only a toddler when that commercial came out, but i have seen it several times before since it's always in those "top 100 greatest commercials ever" type shows.
Posted by: ldini79
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March 4, 2006 1:44 PM(#13 of 28)
Wow. We have been making fun of this commercial for weeks now. I absolutely love that you all found the humor in it too! The jersey regifting is so backwards. What kind of monster takes the clothes off a poor uncoordinated, asthmatic kid with a bowl cuts'back?
Posted by: kelley
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March 4, 2006 2:27 PM(#14 of 28)
Haha I laugh every time I see this ad!
Posted by: mangos
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March 4, 2006 4:20 PM(#15 of 28)
Ok so this ad is cheesy as hell but I would give anything to have the chance to seriously thank the bus...for everything!
Posted by: Milkshake
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March 4, 2006 5:37 PM(#16 of 28)
I'm also originally from Pittsburgh and bleed black and gold. Jerome Bettis is the man! He can do whatever cheesy commercial he wants (and yes I do know that it references the famous Mean Joe Greene commercial). My fave post-Superbowl (WINNING!) commercial was the Disneyland one with MVP Hines Ward where after he says the tag line, they cut back to him with Bettis and he says'...and I'm taking the Bus"! Too cute! I love that I can keep running my mouth about how great the Steelers are for many months to come now-and they cut Tommy Maddox so that's even better!
I love that you love the Steelers B-side! That makes me love you (more). :)
Posted by: zoobabe
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March 4, 2006 6:37 PM(#17 of 28)
I guess that should be the DisneyWORLD commercial...oops.
Posted by: zoobabe
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March 4, 2006 6:41 PM(#18 of 28)
go browns!!!
Posted by: copygodd
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March 4, 2006 8:15 PM(#19 of 28)
Boo Copygodd!! Steeler fans are vindictive and have looong memories.
So let's talk about hottie hotcakes Brett Favre's new commercial re: being afraid of ice cream. Sensitive teeth or no sensitive teeth, he could lick my cone any day. Oops - did I say that out loud? But seriously ladies, am I right? : )
On a side note, I too am not too young to remember the Mean Joe commercial. Although I actually got carded this evening, but that's a whole other story.
Posted by: ra
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March 4, 2006 10:07 PM(#20 of 28)
zoobabe-i know i know! wasn't that disney ad so great! i love bettis. just love him.
Posted by: Leah3t
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March 4, 2006 10:09 PM(#21 of 28)
What the heck, I've seen this commercial at least 20 times since reading this post! It has cursed me or something...
Posted by: Ash
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March 4, 2006 10:15 PM(#22 of 28)
As a Hines Ward fan, I'm very sad that I missed the Disney World commercial this year.
Posted by: B-Side
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March 4, 2006 10:23 PM(#23 of 28)
Zoobabe,
The Disney commercial was adorable. I also have to say that you made me laugh out loud with your comment re: "available vaginas" for the Oscar party. Too funny.
Posted by: ra
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March 4, 2006 10:34 PM(#24 of 28)
Thank you ra. I try.
B-side. Don't you have some sort of TV connection that could get you a copy of that commercial? Sorry you missed it.
Posted by: zoobabe
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March 5, 2006 5:01 AM(#25 of 28)
As a tried and true (& tired) Browns fan, I can only hope that Jerome Bettis takes the sweet yet condescending jersey love of this kid and leaves football to pursue his gaspy dream to be the next Tom Cruise. You can't ignore that talent.
Hey Pittsburgh, it's gray and cold in Cleveland today. Touche.
Posted by: k37744
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March 6, 2006 7:24 AM(#26 of 28)
hey k3- as long as the Browns keep playing the way they have been, it's gonna be gray and cold in Cleveland EVERYDAY!
Posted by: zoobabe
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March 6, 2006 6:19 PM(#27 of 28)
True dat zoobabe.
Bettis would be much welcomed by the dawg pound. (society's finest) We'd even look the other way on the whole asthma thing. Hell, score ONE FRIGGIN POINT and you could be limbless for all we care.
Posted by: k37744
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March 9, 2006 10:06 AM(#28 of 28)