I know I've received some criticism for my use of the word "fat" to describe Angela. Now there are a whole slew of names I want to call her but can't use the majority of them in more than 12 states. I sincerely feel this woman is the root of all reality show evil, so I'm going to keep on insisting that she's a fat pig even though she's around my goal weight. Do her and her evil minion rise to the occasion this week or do they fall flat on their fat asses? Let's find out after this jump.
We begin this week with all of the "ladies" returning from last week's "talent" "competition." Snaggletooth is all but being carried in the house as her daughter, Bighead, retrieves the WD40 from the trunk to grease up her noggin so she can get through the door. Bighead generously allows Angela to borrow some for her ass for the same reason. Snaggletooth hurt her knee while dancing with her daughter after telling the conductor to give her something with a little more "octane."
When back in the house, the evil room, the one with Angela and Anna Nicole, celebrates the fact that they didn't get booted, while the good room, with Gina and Hollis, raises a glass of wine with ice to their fallen sisteren. Hollis cries but is resolved to stay and fight. Jenileigh tells the room that they all need to band together and use their "knowledges" to kick some booty. Meanwhile the queen of booty, Angela, is listening through the intercom with her minions. They overhear Hollis mention that Firecrotch is a spoiled brat and should go home solely based on the way she speaks to her mother with that horrible British accent while wearing a monocle. It's just not funny.
Why is this mom still in that horrible home made sparkly rope climby uniform? The challenge is over, mother. CHANGE.
Resident dyke in beauty queen clothing, Linnea, rouses the ladies to meet her in the rose court in 15 minutes and asks everyone to "bring their smiles" and their hair, spleens and cuticles. When all of the ladies arrive, Linnea introduces Keith Lewis, a smile instructor, which I don't believe is a real job. Keith tells the ladies that there are six smiles that they will be using during the pageant: swimsuit smile, evening gown smile, "I've got a secret" smile, natural smile, closing smile, and "you can put it anywhere" smile. Sorry officer, she wanted me to attack her. She had that "you can put it anywhere smile". So I did.
You're a champion for even showing up today, Snaggletooth. Sit down and pace yourself.
The Anna Nicole sisters practice their interview smile saying that this should be the easiest one of all since they're both so smart. "So mom, how do you plan to cure world peace?" asks daughter Brenda. Momma Heather corrects her, saying "honey, we're not trying to 'cure' world peace. We're trying to eradicate it. Der." Here, here!
Firecrotch gives Keith a sample of her interview smile and he tells her that he doesn't see much intelligence in it, but does see some residual viscera stuck in her teeth. I've come to the conclusion that Jenileigh's name is too long to type, and Microsoft Word won't learn it since I misspell it every time, so from this point on she will be referred to as Unitard. Unitard is asked to show off her closing smile for Keith but she ends up looking a little like Fire Marshal Bob.
Or a cannibal.
Linnea tells everyone that it is now time to use their newfound smiling skills to test their poise. Each pair takes a turn standing upon a rotating platform while the rest of the group hurls barbed insults their way. They should just read these recaps out loud. First up are Snaggletooth and Bighead. Ghetto Fatulous and her minions begin hurling insults, mentioning everything except the fact that Snaggletooth has a snaggletooth and Bighead has a big head.
Next up are Gina and Hollis and Ghetto Fatulous starts in about Hollis' proclivity to spout swear words and Gina's tendency to fight. Angela also mentions Hollis' alien from the future that grants wishes and Gina's ability to stop time by putting her fingers together, however Gina and Hollis are unflappable, other than Gina's underarms when she waves.
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Comments (8)
That recap was hilarious.....way better than the show itself and i only watched the last episode after reading the recaps on here...
1 of 8 | Posted by missmissy | Posted on January 14, 2008 5:13 AM
ahhyes, mr. kevin smith...member? he's from mo'nique's charm girls.
2 of 8 | Posted by lilvngirl | Posted on January 14, 2008 8:33 AM
Angela is so horrible. She's the type you really just need to ignore, but can't bc she's so obnoxious. Hollis and her mom annoy me too...they're nice, but during judging they just really get on my nerves. The cabana boy in general cracks me up.
3 of 8 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on January 14, 2008 10:19 AM
Great recap... this show is stupid.
I really want the winning pair to be transported to the Ms. America Reality Check mansion... those girls will eat them alive........
And you all don't be mad about the fat a** comments... it's not like fozzie has ever said it was a bad thing.... it is just a desciptive thing.. like blond hair... snaggle tooth.. ya'll don't seem to mind those terms........
4 of 8 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on January 14, 2008 11:42 AM
I love how Angela the Hutt thinks its okay to make fun of people for being poor due to the death of a family member. Classy.
5 of 8 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on January 14, 2008 9:17 PM
Yeah, she is a real wellspring of class. Remember when she was in the kitchen talking about how that one pair had big noses (they were beautiful women too) then later she gets on Hollis for talking about people behind their backs? She is a nasty excuse for a human being. Or what we like to call an Oxygen Thief.
6 of 8 | Posted by snootchy bootches | Posted on January 15, 2008 4:14 AM
I too hate Angela!! I was sooo mad when they won the challenge. Did you notice that during the de-sashing, Mona was crying her eyes out, but not one tear was shed, what a phony!!
7 of 8 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on January 15, 2008 4:32 AM
Still not watching, but enjoying the recaps!!! I never knew I could find the terms "Ghetto Fatulous, and Baby Fat" so f-in funny!" Go Fozzie!!!
8 of 8 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on January 15, 2008 2:05 PM