Another episode, another huge bill owed to the liquor store that is supplying the booze for these bozos. How I wish I owned the place that was lucky enough to sponsor the drinking on this show, I'd be on my fifth massage at the Four Seasons by now.
We open this week with guys lying all over the house in various stages of their hangovers, some still drunk and some still showing off their superiority by using their itty bitty bed for bicep curls. I'm looking at you, 12 Pack. Daisy will be so impressed when she sees that you can lift a partical board bed from Ikea with one hand. I know I am. If you can't lift your weight in cheap furniture in the Twunty household I'm sorry, but we're never going to make it. I'm strict like that with my standards.
Another thing that tickles my fancy, and my fancy is almost as fancy as Daisy's fancy, is a guy who will clean up after a party. I'm impressed when I see Weasel and Mr. Peepers clean up the buffet of empty cans and vodka bottles that are strewn over every available surface of the house, except the ones covered by drunk men and vomit. My elation doesn't last very long once I realize that they are only doing it so that they can get to whatever alcohol is hidden under the mountain of red plastic cups.
And the drinking starts all over again, though I'm not entirely convinced that it ever stopped. Somehow, they all managed to get reasonably cleaned up and are doing shots in their Ed Hardy and Ed Hardy knock-off t-shirts. Why would a guy wear that crap? Hasn't DB1 and his mockery on the Hot Chicks With Douchebags website taught them anything? I guess that there are still some girls out there that don't own computers but even my seven year old niece knows what a douchebag is- any combination of the following; bandana, orange spray-on tan, tattoos picked out of a catalog, any manscaping whatsoever, a fauxhawk, knowledge of every look from Zoolander and breaking out "blue steel" whenever a camera is around, bulging HGH/steroid enhanced muscles and the aforementioned Ed Hardy gear. Whew. I apologize if I left anything out.
Riki Fonzarelli arrives to announce their first challenge. It's perfect and right on their level- a variation of "Show and Tell." There is a table with props that they can use but whatever they do, it has to show their personality. What I want to know is why are there half dead roses under a silver room service platter? Do they share a prop department with The Bachellor?
They all look completely confused because "personality" wasn't one of the requirements when they signed up for this gig and you can't just pull one of those out of thin air. What you can do, however, is grab a blow-up doll that has chest hair and a vagina to express yourself, as Flex has so wisely done. Huh? Is there an eleven year old tranny producing this show? I am confused.
Most of the guys are writing stuff down and stunt-tard Flipper tells the other losers that he wrote a rap about them, enhancing their not-so-favorable qualities. The boys are just thrilled with that little nugget of knowledge and attempt to wrestle it out of his pocket, especially Sinister, or as I call him, Tattle Tale, so he will henceforth be known as TT. Luckily, Flippy's pants are tighter than Daisy was in the fifth grade right before she lost her virginity to that security guy at Juvey Hall, so there will be no pocket rape today.
Daisy waits for her pupils in a makeshift classroom complete with desk chairs and a chalkboard. She cracks her ruler across the desk and tells them that the best boys will get a date and the worst will recieve detention and punishment of some sort. I could make a joke about how being on this show is punishment in itself but I don't want to get reprimanded for stating the obvious.
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Comments (11)
I wholeheartedly agree with you. Fox is retardedly good looking. Emphasis on the retarded. And it looks like he's gonna be a little over Miss Daisy next week. Can't. Wait. But I don't want him gone cause he's so pretty to look at!
1 of 11 | Posted by jadestarla | Posted on May 6, 2009 5:35 PM
I will be extremely satisfied in telling my brother that he is 1/8 douchebag (he has the infamous fauxhawk) when he gets up at 6 a.m. tomorrow. It should be fun.
Also, I kinda liked professor. He was pretty cute. Oh well. This show is not as good as the other "_____of love" shows are. And by that I mean where are the fun loving yet extremely incompetent at doing anything characters?
2 of 11 | Posted by congratsmeathead | Posted on May 6, 2009 8:03 PM
I think Weasel is kinda cute. He can come live with me...well, maybe not. I don't have enough money to support him.
Maybe Foxy will be fun loving. He sure is incompetent. And how about 12-pack? There must be some reason he keeps getting on reality shows. He must be good for something besides moving furniture (though I'll admit, that is a plus).
3 of 11 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 6, 2009 8:53 PM
I think you hit the nail on the head, Twunty. Flipper is one of those brainless Jackass-style "stuntmen." No one would employ him as a real stuntman--they aren't supposed to get hurt. I thought he wanted somebody to beat him up, but maybe not.
I guess you hit the nail on the head after he did. Heh.
4 of 11 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 6, 2009 8:55 PM
First off...great recap!!
I always thought this chick wore way too much make up and that's why her face looked weird but then when she was talking to the Professor she had the natural thing going on and she looked even worse. Damn. She needs to stay off tv for a while and concentrate on finding the man responsible for repeatedly beating her with that ugly stick.
I liked Weasel too. He looked like he could have been ROL's Big John's brother or some other kind of roadie. I can totes see him rolling up lighting cables around his elbow and doing mike checks.
I think Foxx is purty but I don't see what the eff she sees in London. He's not built and he looks like he smells. You know, like the kind of gross dude that has cheddar around the pee pee area. Gag!
5 of 11 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on May 6, 2009 9:05 PM
*sigh* Can't believe I am watching this train wreck. Twunty, if you weren't recapping it, I probably wouldn't!
By the way, when defining the stuff a douchebag wears you forgot to mention: anything worn by Coach from Survivor or Mystery. Granted, I sort of like Mystery and he can pull must of his shit off, but the dudes who dress like him can't. They just look douche-y.
Thanks for the great recap!
6 of 11 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 7, 2009 2:59 AM
Thanks for all your comments, guys, especially the douchebag ones. Do you think that there will ever come a day when we recap a show and DON'T use that word? Probably not. Not when they seem to be taking over the earth one plucked eyebrow at a time.
By the way, I meant to say Mama's Family, not House but if I didn't screw up at least 4 or 5 times a week it wouldn't be the same, now would it? Besides, I don't have time to proof-read because everyone knows that Flipit beats you if you're late with your recap. Shhhhh. Don't tell him that I told you.
And pixielated- you crack me up.
7 of 11 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on May 7, 2009 5:06 AM
OMG I actually watched part of this episode!! EEEEeeeeewwwww!! You totally get the award for recapping the show that's the grossess with the mostess.
It's bizarre, but I keep getting the feeling that Daisy is trying to channel Brett Michaels mannerisms when she's dealing with the collective or singular douchebaggery. It's like watching a tine tranny Brett Michaels doll.
Thanks so much for the laughs.
Hugs,
Yenta
8 of 11 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on May 7, 2009 9:31 AM
You know, I was going to ask about this dirty smeared gray tee shirt fashion that I'm seeing on reality shows all the time these days, but you answered my question, so thanks. Can't wait 'til Danny Gokey wears one next week.
Kind of waiting for a breakout character to reveal itself on this show, but I'm not sure it's going to happen.
Fox is one smarmy guy. Wanna bet he has chlamydia?
Oh yeah, and I get the feeling that 12 Pack was hired to serve as the Greek chorus for the show -- he seems to give most of the play-by-play comments.
It's a shame Daisy had so much bad work done --wonder what she looked like before?
9 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 7, 2009 2:08 PM
Yenta, maybe that's why Bret was so enamored of Daisy. She was like a Mini-me he could bang.
Itchy, I don't think Daisy was very pretty. She has a long jaw and I'll bet she had a big nose. It would be interesting to see "before and after" pics, though.
Oh, ugly, now I must Clorox my brain to remove that image of Brooklyn.
10 of 11 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 7, 2009 7:53 PM
Fox is spectacularly gorgeous. I have naughty dreams of shooting him with a dart gun and chaining him in the basement to be my sex slave. He will not need to speak.
Awww, I dig London. He is exactly the type of guy I would relentlessly chase after. If I was younger. And single. Dirty guys can be hot. Dirty punk guys. However, dirty hippie guys are revolting.
11 of 11 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on May 8, 2009 6:50 AM