And who really cares what love's got to do with it as long as we keep having glorious Daisy moments like these:
That's what you get for kicking your luggage down the stairs like a ten year old. I mean, it can't be so damn heavy that she couldn't carry it. What do you pack for Hawaii? A sarong and some bikinis? Some K-Y and flea dip for any encounters with London? The heaviest item she owns is a pink lip gloss, unless she's fooling us all and she has the complete works of Hegel in there.
Yeah, sure, and London owns more than one pair of socks.
Aaaaaaand...we're off to Maui, or as Daisy likes to call it- Meowi! They arrive at their hotel, looking as shitfaced as can be, which is a strange turn of events for a family show such as this, and I can't tell if Daisy wants to play London Bridge or if she wants them to swing her between them like a little kid.
They're greeted by a postcard of dancers and leis and Riki Fonzarelli in a Hawaiian shirt. The flowers on it kind of match his tattoos and he seems a little cheerier than normal. I'm happy for him. Soon he can go back to his normal life of hanging out with bands in cool clubs and pretend like Daisy of Love was just a nightmare of faux rockers and alcoholics. How long does it take to get the smell of douchevomit out of your nostrils?
Speaking of douchevomit, everybody gets their own drink served in a quaint pineapple, which in London's world is a thimble, and the boys head off to check out their room. Is that London's luggage next to him? WTF?
London manages to find an extra bedroom with a nice big bed and calls dibs on it. Whoa, boy! Not so fast! The big mean bullies will not let this go unpunished, duh. It takes about a nanosecond for 12 and Flex to completely trash the pristine white sheets and pillowcases with their feet, bare asses and some Flex weiner rubs.
Little do they know, the jokes on them! They just made it homier for London. He wouldn't know what to do with a clean bed. I'm surprised that he was able to identify it when he saw it since he's never actually seen one up close before. He's read about them, sure, seen some in the pretty magazines he thumbs through in the waiting room at the Free Clinic, but met one in real life? Never. I'll give him props for trying something new. I just assumed that he'd spy the couch in the living area and camp out there.
Riki pays a visit to their room and he's all pissy because they've already trashed it. Well, let's see. Alcohol, boredom, the mentality of third grade summer campers and the realization that you're on a trashy reality show? I'd be more shocked if they kept it clean. And, they should have, if only to make London really uncomfortable since that was their goal in the first place. Please, squalor is his middle name.
Or is it Failedmusicianwhowillfuckanything? I can't remember.
Daisy must have forgotten to pack the Hello Kitty skull diary because Riki isn't in their room to just admire the handiwork that is going to earn them some Nair in their shampoo from housekeeping, nope, he has letters from Daisy! More letters, with words and sentences that Daisy(female producer no.1) wrote on her Love's Baby Soft scented stationery(courtesy of female producer no.2) while twirling her hair(provided by Weaves R Us) and biting the end of her glitter pen so badly in her earnestness that it broke and spilled in her mouth and she had to start all over again. But what's a little ink poisoning when you've already bitten the Poison Pen in Rock of Love, I ask you?
In Flex's letter, she's all, "You have a temper and I can't condole that!" In 12 Not-Packin's it's, "Do you have real feelings or are you some kind of VH1 lab experiment Stepford contestant?" They both read their letters at a sixth grade level which seems about right for two guys that tested in the top one percentile of reality famewhores, but London. Oh, London. His problems revolve around more than just Daddy issues. Dude is seriously dyslexic. Riki was right. Maybe she should have drawn him pictures.
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Comments (18)
i didn't notice until I saw the picture of London on the bed, the dude shaves his pits...
1 of 18 | Posted by jmportia | Posted on July 29, 2009 7:19 PM
Thanks for recapping this garbage. My friends can't understand why I watch this garbage, therefore, I never have anyone to talk to when it comes to my trashy shows. When is the reunion?! PLEASE RECAP IT!!
2 of 18 | Posted by mariabird522 | Posted on July 29, 2009 8:08 PM
The Poirot reference was hilarious. Keep up the good work. I can't watch this skank-a-thon, but I love reading your recaps.
TVannie
3 of 18 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on July 29, 2009 8:11 PM
VH1 has cut off access to the episodes on its site, the idiots, as if that's going to ever stop anyone from watching their shitty programming elsewhere. They at least could have waited for the season to be done.
Although all of their shows have been pretty lame this time out. Hmm. Maybe it's time to come up with a new formula, people? They're clearly at the end of the road here. I mean, if 12 Pack is the best they can do (and you just know that's what they're up to), then they should pack it in and go back to programming shitty MOR music videos.
But, yeah, who gives a fuck about these finales anyway? These shows always get extremely boring by the time they get to the final four, because the only thing that's interesting is watching a houseful of idiots make drunken fools of themselves.
Although the recaps keep getting better and better -- I can't imagine watching the finale could be any better than reading your recaps, Twunt.
I hope Daisy and London end up staying together and having lots of dysfunctional kids.
4 of 18 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 30, 2009 12:54 AM
Loved the recap! I only caught the last twenty minutes of this episode and I couldn't bring myself to watch it AGAIN to see what I missed. Wow. Just wow.
5 of 18 | Posted by themiki | Posted on July 30, 2009 6:15 AM
omg u live in coventry!! i used to live there a few years back. hampshire road to be exact. haha small world.
6 of 18 | Posted by kmvbs8 | Posted on July 30, 2009 6:29 AM
“Common sense and Daisy go together like Ann Coulter and shutting the fuck up”
Brilliant, you’ve done wonders with this shit show.
7 of 18 | Posted by medusa | Posted on July 30, 2009 7:46 AM
Twunty,
I don't know why but "Joshua Lee, Real Person!" NEVER gets old. It cracks me the fuck up every single time.
The only bad thing about this show ending is that I don't get to read your awesome recaps of it anymore. Didn't you call it weeks and weeks ago that she was going to end up with Stinky Lee??
Have an awesome time at the wedding!! Can't wait to see what your capping next!
SWAK, PottyMouth
8 of 18 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on July 30, 2009 7:55 AM
According to TJ's Myspace (I refuse to write Flex. I hate those stupid nicknames. Who does Daisy think she is? Flava Flav? Please), he is dating Brianna Frost. Not that I've ever Googled his Myspace or anything.....
She was on MTV's The Girls of Hedsor Hall and has a website that you have to pay to become a member of that includes pictures and videos of her naked, so she's about as classy as Daisy if not less so, but at least she's way cuter.
9 of 18 | Posted by andreak1013 | Posted on July 30, 2009 9:39 AM
I think next year Daisy should go to Hawaii in her quest for love. Then she can end up with the freaky-haired Hawaiian guy.
Did she ever fuck London? Does she even know he can do it?
What a sad psychological case study she is. Not that she had that much to work with, but she couldn't have done much worse than London.
10 of 18 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on July 30, 2009 1:02 PM
Twunty, I'm ashamed to admit, I'm one of those longtime readers that never comments ... but for an entire season ... WELL PLAYED! :)
As for the finale, did anyone else find it way amusing that Daisy fell down the stairs & no one came to help her up? A ha, and chiverly isn't dead?
Great work, look forward to the reunion, and whatever you recap next, this season was hilarious (the recaps, sadly, not the show!)
11 of 18 | Posted by chelle | Posted on July 30, 2009 9:19 PM
I read on the VH1 message board that the reunion shows are no more! I guess it is too much of a liability for VH1 to have them since there is almost always some kind of physical fight. At least we don't have to see Daisy and London kiss ever again!
12 of 18 | Posted by imalush | Posted on July 31, 2009 4:15 PM
That's total BS...you know I stayed tuned after the Daisy finale to see when the reunion was gonna be and I was a little confused that they didn't say when it would be. The reunion is the best part of any of these shows..I'm actually kinda pissed
13 of 18 | Posted by mariabird522 | Posted on July 31, 2009 4:46 PM
Well, that's it for this show. I did get a new assignment from Flippy but first:
jmportia- holy crap, I did not notice that! What is a guy who never showers doing with shaved armpits? Did he have to shave them to get rid of the crabs?
mariabird522- Sorry that there's not going to be a reunion, as imalush said. I would LOVE to see Fox again ( and a beatdown or two wouldn't be such a bad thing).
tvannie and themiki- Thanks so much for the compliments. I hope that you continue to read my crap.
itchy- I agree with everything you said. (especially the nice things about me, natch) j/k. Did they really take the episodes down? WTF for? That shit pisses me off.
kmvbs8- You used to live on Hampshire? I live on E. Derbyshire! Small ass world for sure. Where are you now? By the way, I went to Bodega last night, the new tapas place, and it was FABULOUS.
medusa- Thanks. Daisy and I go together like Steven Colbert and truthiness.
pottymouth- Naw, it wasn't me. From the very beginning I was pulling for Fox. Then he opened his mouth, but thanks for the kadoozes, SWAK POTTYMOUTH, REAL PERSON.
andreak1013- TJ Makowitz, real person, has a Myspace page? Of course he does! Excuse me while I friend him.
pixielated- Something tells me that if she did fuck London, she'd know it, and remember it fondly everytime a crab falls out of her weave.
chelle- I am going to miss those spills, she probably has more bruises than she has brain cells. And congrats on popping your commenting cherry!
AS for little ol' me, a new ditz has gotten thrown in my lap so we'll all be communally heaving to Megan Wants A Millionaire well into the fall. Yay!
More Love and Kisses,
Twunty
14 of 18 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on August 1, 2009 6:12 AM
Twunty-
kudos to you on snarking this show to hi-larity!! A lot of cappers get so caught up in their disgust of the vermin, er I mean contestants, that they lose sight of the humor. Thanks for keeping me laughing and I can't wait to see what you'll say about Megan! She's like a snark-pocket wrapped in snark (with a side of bacon, of course. Because everything is better with bacon!)
15 of 18 | Posted by Fancy_Pants | Posted on August 1, 2009 7:47 AM
I am glad you all cleared up for me the fact that Flex is actually TJ...I thought it said Ij and I am like WTF kinda name is Ij?? Unusual fonts are apparently not my friend. Thanks for sticking with these crazy shows, HG... I may not watch Megan but I will sure read your recaps!
16 of 18 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on August 1, 2009 10:50 AM
Whoops, sorry Twunty, I was reading Bachelorette right before this...
17 of 18 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on August 2, 2009 9:37 AM
Twunty,
Great recaps.
However, please keep to snark, trash tv and entertainment. When you start to use phrases like "right wing dingbat" you are crossing into territory which can become offensive.
While no fan of Ann Coulter, I also guess that you'd probably call most right wingers dingbats. Which is kinda small minded.
Stick to the fun stuff kid,
V
18 of 18 | Posted by vroxas | Posted on August 27, 2009 9:06 AM