Last season, Ellen Parsons meets Patty Hewes and takes a job at her top law firm, with perks including fancy doors, a nice title, and the occasional dog knifing and early-morning assassin wake-up call. Ellen joins the case against Arthur Frobisher, who defrauded his own employees out of millions (without even mussing up those glistening white tresses) and soon gets in over her head- losing her job, getting back her job, and then losing for good her floppy-haired doctor fiancé. At season's end, Ellen discovers that Patty tried to have her killed for knowing too much, but instead of skipping town like a sane person she decides to team up with the FBI to take Patty down from the inside, which, given what I've seen of season two promos, seems to be aboooout as dumb an idea as it sounds.

We open up on Ellen's face, looking 30 percent more bad-ass than last season (that is, if bad-assness is measured in excessive dark eyeliner), taking a sip from a tumbler full of something that is definitely not apple cider (or if it is, then I knock her bad-ass quotient back down to 20 percent).

Ellen looks just behind the camera to someone we can't see and smiles sadly. "What's the matter? You shouldn't be scared," she says. Somehow, I don't believe her. Never trust anyone with more than three coats of black eye shadow, that's my motto.

And I'm right, because the next thing, Ellen's getting up and saying "Actually, I take that back. You should be scared. You should be terrified." See what I mean?!?

I call this eye shade "Mauve Madness." I wear it when I'm feeling homicidal.

Ellen continues, "It would be so much easier if you said the words." Then, in a very Patty Hewes-esque move, she fakes looking distracted and says that she can't remember the name of the mellow, old-timey song playing in the background. Then, it's down to business. "All I want you to do is tell the truth," she says again to the mysterious person or persons off-screen. "But I know that can be hard for you, so I brought something that I thought might help."

She reaches down to pull something out of her bag, and given the history of this show I half expect it to be a dead cocker spaniel or something. But no, it's small and silver and shaped like a...vibrator? Oh. No, it's a gun. Excuuuse me for going to a happy place first.

"And who knows, maybe the truth will set you free." Ellen waves the gun around a little and then we go to a title card reading "6 MONTHS EARLIER."

Oh shit, here we go....

Wait, we're Live with Regis and Kelly? Well, that's...not so bad. The studio audience is cheering, the Reg looks dapper. And then they invite out their "good friend," Patty Hewes. And here she comes, with a flattering suit and soft, more flowing hair, and goes straight up to hug the Reg. Regis opens right up by asking how much Patty made in the Frobisher case, and Patty laughs, playing along. But after last season, I've learned that a Patty smile is more frightening than a Patty snarl. Why? Well, it's a little something I picked up from Tyra Banks....

Not smiling with the eyes

Patty jokes around with Regis and Kelly in her classy way. Kelly asks about Frobisher. "He's a pretty wealthy guy, right?" And Patty comes right back with, "Not anymore." Zing! I half expect her to make three snaps in the air and throw her hair over her shoulder. Haaaay. I like feisty talk-show Patty.

Then Patty says that she's going to use a good portion of the money to set up a foundation to fight hunger in NYC. No, seriously. And that's what a good portion of this episode will be about. No, seriously.

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Posted in Damages by Linds at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: Anonymous on Jan 12, 2009 04:56 PM.