But no, it's your basic 'dude, this one time I got a blow job under the desk while settling a merger case story,' and who doesn't hear THAT three times a day. Patty is similarly unimpressed. "The point is, in the 80s, we all did shit like that," he continues. (Actually I was more into playing Atari, but whatev.) "Why did I do it? Because I'm an asshole? Because I feel powerful?" He asks. "No, I don't give a shit about power. I did it because I wanted to see if I could get away with it." Patty, who ordinarily keeps her facial expressions under strict control, cannot keep the "you are a total tool," look from her face, and I don't blame her. She tells him he's making a big mistake. I cannot help but agree.
Mr. Arsenault's fresh-faced daughter Lily comes in and says hello to Patty, then says she just saw her devil-spawn Michael at a college admissions event. Sam says that Lily's heading to Yale. Patty makes small talk, but I can see the dialogue in her eyes. And she's saying "I'll get you, Sam, and your little dog, er, girl, too." Dun dun duhnnn.
Pete brings a duct-taped box into Patty's room, saying it was hand-delivered. It's a bomb! JK, that was last season. Patty asks Pete to open it (nice), and inside are a bunch of documents. Patty starts looking through them, and the phone rings. It's Daniel Purcell (the aforementioned paper thrower). "Danny Purcell? When's the last time you talked to him?" Pete asks (I love how he makes everyone sound like they're 12-years old - Danny, Tommy. Pete's so awesome.) Patty says it's been 10 years, at least.
Daniel says the package was from him. He's calling from a phone booth, and says Patty's the only one he can trust. Dude, that's just unfortunate. He asks her to keep the box safe and then hangs up. Scary music plays. Drama!
Big Britches Ellen is back with Dee and Dum, talking about the fake case they want Patty to take, which centers on infant mortality. "Built in social cause. Persuasive lead plaintive. Billions in damages at the end of the rainbow," Dee says. Ellen says it's right up Patty's alley. The perfect bait, in the form of dead babies. This show is such an upper.
Do you like this expression? It's the only one I own.
We cut to Ellen and Tom, who is still desperately trying to pitch new cases to Patty, who's barely paying attention. That's when Tom throws in the game-winning play and pitches the new (it's a trap!!) case from Ellen.
"I think she found a grand slam," Tom says. A grand slam? Hotcakes, eggs and bacon from iHOP? "Infant mortality." Oh.
They explain that the case focuses on low-income mothers who are being forced into natural child labor from their HMOs, and the result is more babies dying. Patty looks intrigued. Ellen tries not to look nervous. "I truly believe that this is the one. There are people in need here, there are people we can help," Tom says. Yes, but are there any potential dogs we can kill? Okay, last dog-death-related joke, I swear.
Tom leaves the room, and Patty throws the file down on the table. "You're not even going to read it, Patty? Come on," Ellen says. Patty throws her flailing foundation out as an excuse. Ellen asks about Purcell's cardboard box that's sitting on the desk. Patty says it's personal. "And the last time I checked, we're in my office." Take that, Big Britches.
We're back in the support group. Timothy Olyphant, sporting two days of stubble and a whole lotta hotness, is talking. "So I find the guy, just lying there, still drunk," he says. So far I like where this is going... "So I took a few steps back, like I'm going to kick a field goal, and I kick his head right under his chin." Dude. "And his head snaps back, and the back of his head smacks between his shoulder blades, so I kick him again, and again, over and over and I'm wondering, how many kicks is it going to take before his head rips off?" Issues much?
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Comments (3)
Hey Linds! WELcome! Great job, awesome recap, I love your style! I have never watched this show (okay, actually I DID see that weird scene with Frobisher in the field crawling and looking all shot and stuff, but when I realized that it was Ted Danson, I changed the channel 'cuz I thought it was some lame "Cheers" reunion thing). Still, it's a sign of a damn good writer when someone like me who has never before watched the show and knows nothing about it can pick up the storyline and follow (and now I'm totally going to IHOP for a Grand Slam) so kudos to you!
love, J-Mo :)
1 of 3 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on January 10, 2009 9:49 AM
Hey, Linds - I've been reading recaps and comments at this site for a couple of years now and have never been compelled to comment - until now. Although I have read many entertaining and/or well written recaps over the years, I have to say, I think yours is one of the best - both entertaining (very funny, without straining or wearing out the jokes) and very well written. I missed most of this episode, but your recap was so clearly written I feel that I've seen it. Kudos to you! I look forward to reading more of your recaps.
2 of 3 | Posted by notme | Posted on January 10, 2009 12:17 PM
I love this show! I am so glad to see it's being recapped! Great job. I'd add a little more snark, though. You're gonna need a lot of sarcasm to keep up!
3 of 3 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on January 12, 2009 4:56 PM