Well, it's been 13 long and Cadillac-filled weeks, and here we are right where we started. A creepy hotel room, a heavily mascara'd Ellen, and a gun.

"Seems like you're not going to tell me the truth after all," Ellen says to a crying and obviously nervous Patty. "That's okay, I lied too." Bang, bang.

But this time, the music does a screechy record stop (Damages, the remix!) and the images of Ellen and Patty begin to play in reverse. We see the bullets fly back into Ellen's gun, she talks in backwards-gibberish speak, the entire conversation flies by in reverse, hurting my eye holes, and then we see the beginning - Patty knocking on Ellen's door. "Come in," Ellen says, innocently enough. She leaves out adding "if you want to DIE," even though we all know she's been practicing that part in front of the mirror for three hours.

After the credits, we meet UNR's new head counsel. I hope he knows he's got some big cups, er, shoes, to fill. Kendrick is introducing him to slimy Judge Oliver while Patty sits across the table. "He's ably taken the reigns from Ms. Maddox," Kendrick says. Yeah, but what's his sassy quotient? I bet it's subpar.

So the new lawyer, who looks to be either a young-ish 70 or else a 45-year-old who was left out in the sun for six months, decides to get off on the right foot by immediately pissing off Patty. Clearly, he has never watched this show nor read any of these recaps. Note to all UNR-ites and other would-be evil corporate types: DO NOT PISS OFF PATTY HEWES.

"Hi my name is Alan and Patty Hewes frightens me thiiiis much." *tries not to giggle.

"Ah, Noobs."

So the new lawyer tries to dismiss Patty's GPS coordinates evidence against Kendrick because the "SUV in question" was stolen. "That is ludicrous," Patty says, hilariously. The judge asks the lawyers to turn in their homework assignments (briefs?) and tells them he'll deliberate on the SUV evidence.

The judge dismisses the lawyers. He stops Patty before she leaves. "Miss Hewes, based on what I've heard so far, I'm inclined to side with the defense," he says. Which is basically slimy judge speak for 'bitch, where's my money?' Patty says she understands, gives a covert little head nod, and leaves.

Later Ellen enters Patty's office and Patty hands her some files to...file. They're the GPS codes. Ellen reminds Patty that they'll be inadmissible (um, duh.) Ellen asks why Patty filed Tom, and guesses it's because he wouldn't bribe Judge Oliver. She once again offers her own bribing services, but Patty doesn't want her involved. "What's the alternative?" Ellen asks. "To believe in our case and trust the system," Patty says with a straight face. "Judge Oliver doesn't believe in the system," Ellen says. "He believes in money." And doughnuts.

As Ellen turns to go, Patty relents. "Alright, find out what his terms are." A stack of unmarked twenties and 12-pack of Krispy Kremes? That would be my guess.

Elsewhere, Wes meets up with Grizzly outside of a playground. How....sweet? Grizzly inquires politely about the status of the murder he requested, and Wes says that Ellen Parsons is alive and well.

"I spit on your murder scheme."

"You just made a big decision," Grizzly says. Wes says he's out. "Good luck finding me," he adds as a parting shot before walking away. Um...goodbye?

Ellen meets up with Tom at a friendly little restaurant. She tries to act all nice and ask about the baby, but Tom will have none of it. That bitch didn't even send a baby shower gift, and he's not going to let it go that easily, uh-uh.

"I'm sorry it had to be like this, but you're better off this way," Ellen says. She adds that Patty is going to jail, and Tom should make his distance from her now. Tom continues to defend Patty and unfurls his memorized spiel about how she cares about people and sometimes has to cross a line or two to fight for the helpless and blah blah blah. He wants to know Ellen's reason for her betrayal. "What did she ever do to you?"

Ellen looks for a moment like she might tell the truth - Patty tried to have her killed and blood stains are a bitch to get out of silk - but then she thinks better of it. Frustrated, Tom gets up to go. Ellen tells him that if he tips Patty off the feds can still turn on him.

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Posted in Damages by Linds at 2:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: katrae on Apr 10, 2009 02:58 PM.