Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum - I smell the scent of a backstabbing Dum...In further news, Patty nearly made me wet myself from fear (again)
Goodbye, Van Peebles (code name Dee). We hardly knew ye. Tell Uncle Pete we said "hey."
It's a lovely fall day in New York - perfect for an early morning, awkward post-hookup blow off. Ellen approaches Wes in the park with her "it's not you, it's me" face on. Little does she know he's got his "I kind of like you, but have unfortunately been instructed to kill you and make it look like an accident" face on. Ah, the miscommunications of early love...
Ellen tells Wes she doesn't regret anything that happened between them, but she's just confused. Wes is sympathetic. Also, he's got a zipper latch shaped like a little bird, which is adorable. I can't see why Ellen isn't all over this catch:
Match.com profile: Wes
Occupation: Professional support-group attendee, possible hit man
Attributes: Good listener, snazzy dresser, does not sleep with your best friend even though we all know he totally could have, is really hot
Shortcomings: Sucks at pool, might kill you in your sleep, snores
Wes asks if Ellen wants to get away from here, go to a cabin upstate for the weekend. It's hard to tell if he wants her to get away to hide her from Grizzly Kurt, or get her away so it would be easier to kill her. Or maybe he just wants to spend a nice weekend watching the leaves change color and making sweet love to a broom handle-shaped lady in upstate New York.
Either way, Ellen says no.
Dee and Dum are chilling in their apartment (they totally live together!!) and talking about the Patty Hewes case. Both are in relaxed FBI-agent mode, and Dee is sporting a stellar soul patch. Dum's phone rings, and it's his off-screen bitchy ex-wife again. Or is it?? Dum answers the phone, and we can distinctly hear a man's voice saying "we need to meet." Which is what dudes always say when you answer their craigslist personal ads - I could have told Dum that.
Dum sets up a time to meet with "Pam" and hangs up. Dee's all 'dude, check yo' woman, handle yo' business, already.' Dum just sighs dramatically.
6 WEEKS LATER. We're back at the hotel scene shooting, which we now know involves a boozy Ellen and a weeping Patty. Only this time it is revealed that Dum is listening in with headphones the whole time. (Where is Dee?? Trouble in FBI Buddy Cop Paradise?) After Ellen shoots the gun, Dum jumps, surprised, and races out of the van.
"Heeeey...this isn't the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Penis I ordered..."
After the credits, we see Dee and Dum in Ellen's hotel room, having another little chat about Patty. Ellen fills them in on the UNR situation, which is growing desperate. Patty hasn't yet been able to prove that UNR is behind an energy scheme.
Then we cut to Patty, scooping up some tasty noodles and bonding with her philandering husband and floppy-haired spawn. They discuss Phil's possible nomination for energy secretary. Patty says he still has to be vetted. "Uh oh. Out come the skeletons," Michael says. Son, you have no idea.
Patty then asks Michael about his new girlfriend and says she wants to meet her. I imagine the sheer panic that would run through me if I were dating the son of Patty Hewes. Just gave myself goosebumps a little.
Michael says he's ready for his girlfriend to meet the parents. Hilarity in the form of toilet-flushing cats is sure to ensure. Well, that or collective awkwardness and threats of death. Either way.
Kendrick and Dave are having one of their clandestine public bathroom rendezvous (no, not THAT kind). Dave tells Kendrick that Phil is being vetted for energy secretary. "Patty Hewes' husband," Kendrick says, surprised. "I thought it would be to our advantage to create a conflict of interest in our household," Dave says. They share a good chuckle. I doubt they'll be laughing when Patty figures out the scheme and rips out their vocal chords simply with the power of her stare.
Dave then brings up the lawsuit with Patty, and says it's been going on for way too long. He tells Kendrick to settle.
Then we cut to a party, where Kendrick is giving a toast to Busty. Apparently she's been with the company for 20 years. Kendrick gushes about how Claire dazzled at her interview. "I said I guarantee that if we take her on today, in 20 years, we'll be taking marching orders from her," Kendrick says. Awwww. Was that before or after he banged her?
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