After a brief montage showing us what's to come in this two hour powder keg of awesomeness between Dancing with the Stars judges Bruno Tolioni and Carrie Ann Inaba, we get America's Sweetheart, Drew Lachey. Well, more like America's ho for 2 months in the Spring of 2006 during Dancing with the Stars season 2. Either way, Drew is live from Hollywood, CA to introduce Bruno and Carrie Anne's super ultra talent show groups. And for some reason, he's acting like a reject from House of Pain.

Wiggidy Wiggidy Wack!

We now focus on Bruno and Carrie Ann with some pre-recorded interviews. Carrie Anne is upset because she constantly has to justify why she's a judge on the show. Her answer? "I started dancing when I was three, I went to Japan when I was 18 to record records and I was a popstar in Japan for a couple of years." That wouldn't even get her on as a contestant with Dancing with the Stars. In Japan (If there is a Japanese version). Bruno just talks about all of the celebrities he's "worked with", as if that's supposed to impress me. I don't care who you sleep with, Bruno.

Anyways, the way the competition works is like this: People from three cities (New York City, Los Angeles, and Nashville) have to sing and dance on stage for the judges. The judges then give the contestants a callback to Hollywood for the next tryout. After the group of 30 trains for and performs a big song and dance number, Carrie Ann and Bruno select their 14 finalists. Then, each week, the finalists will be separated into teams and the teams will compete in a dance competition, with the losing team having one of its players voted off.

New York City is our first stop, and it looks like tryouts are in Central Park, which'll be great if anyone wants to buy a beer from a guy carrying a trash bag full of ice and 4 year old Rolling Rocks. Drew Lachey is here for all the fun, and to have an illegally-vended libation from 2002.

"Want to get a beer later? I know a guy around here."

After our first contestant named Monica, who's a jappy young thing from Long Island, we meet Quandrell, who looks like he's filling the mama's boy quota. Mom's there, all smiles with a camera in hand, and when Bruno and Carrie Ann ask Quandrell if he's trained in the art of dance war, he explains that no he isn't, but he shrewdly diverts attention towards his mom who taught him everything he knows. It is during his performance that Bruno showcases his first crush on a contestant. Quandrell sings "My Girl" and Bruno can't stop saying, "Look at his face. Look at his face. I love it."

Maybe, don't look at his face.

Then he starts shouting "He's Leroy...He's Leroy from Fame" during Quandrell's dance. I think he means that gay bar in London named Fame where he used to hang out with his old cockney boyfriend, Leroy. Just kidding, I know he means the TV show with all the dancing. I suppose it's safe to assume that's the vibe they ultimately want to put out there, although what they really need is Debbie Allen pounding her wooden stick on that floor when they screw up. Which, reminds us of that old, but tried and true saying: there are two types of people in this world - People who like Debbie Allen and liars.

And you ain't no liar, right?

Sorry for the tangent - on to our next contestant. We have a guy who looks like Patrick Swayze's killer in Ghost and decides to freestyle rap much to the chagrin of Bruno and C.A. He pretty much sets an example for what a desire to be on television and a complete lack of shame can get you, in other words, the way-too-played-out-reality-show-standard, a terrible singers segment.

I wasn't kidding

« Project Runway: Jersey Pretty | | Real World Sydney: Finale »

Posted in Dance Wars by HayHor at 2:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: steez on Jan 14, 2008 02:16 PM.