Team Carrie Ann's one gimmicky performance, however was "I need to Know". Bruno hated this number, saying "14 bars of funning around fences is just covering up for it." Carrie Ann, feeling overdefensive and therefore dangerously veering into bullshit, says that it's "all about mixing streets and salsa together and i don't think he gets it because he doesn't know the streets too well." Clearly, she's been trolling the streets of Tokyo to get a feel for latin music. Carrie Ann does however, to her credit, call Bruno out for being a hypocrite. He accusses her team of gimmicks, and then his team comes out on boxes and hands out glowsticks for their song "Wind Up". Despite the gimmick, however, she was sold and felt that Team bruno "geneerated a pop star persona on stage." Also, I just noticed how butch Kelsey looked when Carrie Ann complimented their performance. I'm into it though.
Toss me Around, I don't care.
So after Alyssa left during last week's latin themed extravaganza, we're now left with our current situation - one team of five versus another team of four. Lachey then takes us to break, but as he departs he tells viewers that "coming up, my personal nightmare comes to life" at which poitn I'm hoping he simply stops and leaves it at that. But no, he has to ruin it and says, "as I take the stage with 9 very talented, younger, and better looking performers....who wrote that (high pitched voice)?!"
Master of comedic timing
We come back for the big Lachey and Co. performance, which is the big band number "Steppin' Out". I'm sure it's the training/years of being groped by Lou Perelman (or whoever was managing 96 Degrees), but Lachey is heads and tails above these young kids. He's got a good voice, and it's highlighted by some cracked voice singing from Zack and Chris. Still, the tuxedo really makes him look like a stupid penguin especially when he does this:
He's got Happy feet because this gig is almost over
Bruno and Carie Ann come out and Bruno is channeling Fosse. He does a pirouette and stabs those jazz hands out to the camera. He comes out saying his team is talented, but that ultimately, "America, it's up to you...thank you anyway." That doesn't sound very optimistic, but let's just go with his body language - maybe that's more indicative of how he feels.
And I'm feeling frisky.
We cut to a clipreel of last week's backstage shenanigans after Team Bruno won. They're incredibly pumped, with Kelsey going so far as to emote. Their reward is a day at the pool, which isn't exactly the spa but hey, at least it's something. Kesley says that if that's the life of a star, she could definitely get used to it. I gues it depends on what kind of star you want to be - you could either go to the pool all day or drive around Los Angeles gas stations in a meth feuled haze, trolling for some paparazzo cock.
If this is her on straight endorphins, imagine what meth could do!
This week, both teams will be redoing their best performances for one number, and then having a performance for each one's new single. The single is available on abc.com if anyone wants to have something to listen to while crying/masturbating/both at the same time. The oldie that team Bruno is redoing is Boots are Made for Walking, because Team Bruno is "even better now." Zach feels that Bruno is much more critical of them this week. Lacey agrees, but realizes the importance of getting it right. She says that to get so close to her dream and have it be shattered would be "De-Vuh-Statin'!"
The performance is basically the same thing as last time - an opportunity for the world to stare at Kelsey's ass. To which the heterosexual men watching this show (all 20 of us) thank you. Although they do have the same awkward "walk it out" interruption, it is in all seirousness, a good performance. Especially without Tony cockblocking it. Bruno says nice things to all his teammembers, ending up with Philip to whom he says, "You're a natural. You can do what you can."
"Thanks?"
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Comments (5)
First of all, HayHor let me say, way to take one for the team in having to recap this show. Your recaps made it a lot more entertaining than it actually was. I must mention the fact that Lachey said "The winner of the FIRST Dance Wars is..." and that he also said see you next season. Now is this hopeful conjecture on his part or is it a done deal? I'm not sure I'll be watching Season 2. Guess it depends what else is on at the time. I was a little surprised Team Bruno won, but I agree that Kelsey is one hot little number. Some of the new "Dancing Stars" are pretty interesting choices. You are right about Adam Carolla, he definitely gets on my female nerves for some reason. So anyway, I was not really planning on watching That's Amore, because I am biologically of an age where the only thing I'm supposed to do with MTV is bitch about remembering the days when they actually played videos. And Remote Control, hey-o, that was a great show. But anyway, I'll still be reading your recaps.
1 of 5 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on February 20, 2008 2:51 AM
BTW, the Happy Feet caption was priceless! Drew was actually a good dancer on DWTS but he looked pretty damn awkward with some of the steps in that number.
2 of 5 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on February 20, 2008 4:41 AM
this may sound stupid but wouldn't marlee matlin have trouble dancing and keeping the beat if she cant hear the music?
please someone help me out here
3 of 5 | Posted by angelbayyb | Posted on February 20, 2008 9:32 AM
I think the plan is to use an intricate light-signal system. Kind of like Richard Dreyfuss' touching rendition of the Beatles "Beautiful Boy" in Mr. Holland's Opus. That way Marlee can use her overdeveloped 4 senses.
Actually, that's all made up. I'm sure they'll have some kind of system that will be a good 5 minutes of filler on the show as they explain it to us. But hey, if a shrewy, gimp divorcee can do it, why not a seemingly sweet, nonthreatening deaf person?!?
4 of 5 | Posted by HayHor | Posted on February 20, 2008 11:52 AM
HayHor, since Team Bruno won a recording contract, what name do you think they are going to record under? The Douche, The Mormon, The Hottie, and The Other Girl?
5 of 5 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on February 20, 2008 12:52 PM