As much as I like a good 'ol singing and dancing war (who doesn't?), I think the best strategy for round two is to hop downstairs to the local grocer, pick up a Heineken mini-keg, and drink a beer every time somebody on the show does something to embarrass themselves. You might need to buy two. Anyways, on with the (dancing and singing oriented) fratiness!
"You handle the beer bong with flair but you need to work on your technique!"
We say hello to our contestants with a big dance number to "Get Ready Cause Here I Come", and all of them are wearing white. The song moves into "Don't Stop 'Till You Get it Up" and then "Shake Your Groove Thing" and turns into some kind of monstrous melody where they all repeat "Get ready, cause here I come. Everybody dance now. Shake your groove thing," over and over again. With all of these white outfits, I suppose this is what heaven is supposed to look like. If that's the case, we should all start sinning a lot more.
"Welcome to heaven, dummy"
Tonight, Bruno and Carrie Ann will only be making their picks, so we won't be able to vote for one of these derelicts to go home. They'll make their choices by dividing the 14 between boys and girls. Then, one group of four guys will do a number, followed by a group of 3. Same goes for the ladies. Bruno and Carrie Ann will subsequently make 4 picks total from the guys and girls, leaving 3 guys and 3 girls crapping their pants for the last 15 minutes of the show. That final six will duke it out for the last 4 spots, meaning that one girl and one guy's lives will have peaked on Dance War: Bruno Vs. Carrie Ann, episode one. I guess dreams can't be made all the time, huh ABC/Disney?
"Did some terrible tragedy happen to your family or are you financially destitute?! No?! Well, f**k you!"
Bruno and Carrie Ann begin the show discussing what they're looking for in a team. Bruno starts reciting his dream diary and talks about how his group will need to mesh together like a football team. If you haven't been chugging a cold beverage, now's the time. Carrie Ann bullshits by talking about her guys needing to collaborate or something, and our trusty pal Drew Lachey gets us into a clipreel where we see our contestants in their home environments. Just the idea of seeing that gazelle Kelsey in her natural habitat is exciting, so bring it on Lachey!
The guys collectively come out and do a dance and singing number to "Hold On" with Zach (the little "Justin") and Chris (the kid looking for vindication) chatting as if they were Zach and Corina (the confirmed ho from last week). Also, Philip from Tennessee is trying to show what a douche he is and is doing one-handed pushups. Mission accomplished, Phil. He is fitting a theme, however, as with this dance number all the guys are wearing military outfits. You see, the producers think they're funny since this is Dance War and all. Wait for more hilarity to ensue. Also, I believe with such a ham-handed attempt at humor, ABC should be embarrassed of itself. Drink, pledges.
"Do Ask, Do Tell, Zach. I love our conversations."
The dance number is ok, but it's hard to judge cause there's so many on stage. The only thing worth noting is that Philip keeps acting like a turd sandwich by wearing an open shirt so he can show off his abs, and the guys did these strange grunting noises to show how manly they are. Bruno must be proud.
He's like a new Chuck Norris, only less gay and black.
When they go to the judges, Carrie Ann says Bradley really stood out to her and he "worked it like it's never been worked before." She also really liked Zack (shock) because she's a true believer in May - December romances. Bruno's favorite on the other hand was Chris, who he believed had a great voice. He also really liked Philip (shock) because Phil's a ho. Bruno calls him a "dreamboy". Ha. Here's to Bruno, that silly little man who embarrasses himself all the time. Salut.
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Comments (3)
Love ya HayHor, but the song is "Don't Stop Til You Get ENOUGH". Actually, I think I like your title better though.
1 of 3 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on January 17, 2008 3:30 AM
One wonders who picked "The Beat Goes On". It's in such a low register...hard to sing it properly if you're not Cher.
2 of 3 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on January 17, 2008 3:43 AM
I always thought Michael Jackson was pervier than usual (at least for 1980's Michael Jackson) when he sang that song. I guess it all makes sense now. Thanks wintersux!
Also, yeah, the Beat Goes On takes a specail voice like Cher, or Bobby Goulet (god bless him).
3 of 3 | Posted by hayhor | Posted on January 17, 2008 6:33 AM