We meet our first group of four dancers by heading to their homes. Maxx is first. He's from a farm in Tennessee, and from the looks of it, I think they're farming old people. Maxx's job on the farm must be to entertain them right before they're taken to the slaughterhouse. Seriously, the elderly is getting overlooked by America. The greatest generation sent to the slaughterhouse and only a moppy haired effeminate kid named Maxx (with two "x's" mind you) to show for it.
"Me and grandpa got you some dance shoes, a hobo stick and some shoe polish, sonny. You're gonna be a vaudeville star. Go git 'em."
We then meet "Qis", who last week, if I recall, went by Marquis. He wanted to be a football player but after an injury he started dancing in the 12th grade and he claims that music is his life now. Qis is pushing to be on Carrie-Ann's team because she's supposed to be all hot or something, but that's just shameful Qis. Really. In fact, embarrassing. Toast to "Qis".
"When I button everything but the top button, I'm Marquis, but when I go down this far, it's just "Qis" baby."
We then move on to Chris who's representative of a disturbing, yet remarkable trend with a number of our contestants - namely, some loved one with a serious disability. Chris's mom has Multiple Sclorosis and used to play the piano, but can't anymore due to her condition. I mean, if this guy doesn't make it to the final four he's squandered some serious sensitivity points. But he probably will, since after hearing that touching story a million tween girls start shouting like crazy for him.
A smile only a mother and a horde of tween girls could love.
Bradley's our last guy out of the first four, and he has quite the family. They're all into singing and dancing, and his brother's a dancer on Broadway. Performing runs in their genes, well that and bad taste in clothing based on some of Bradley's photos. Anyways Bradley says that he wants to just smile and entertain and Dance War is his chance to do that.
Must've been a muggy night.
Of course the guys perform Backstreet Boys' "Larger than Life" because those songs were literally made for this crap. The performance is pretty good with Chris and Bradley doing well. Carrie Ann agrees and thinks Chris did great and Bruno believes Bradley is a powerhouse dancer, but can be taken to another level if his voice improves. He also feels that Maxx's solo lacked a little impact, while Carrie Ann felt that Qis got a little too excited. Although I think based on the photo, it seems like Maxx was the most excited of them all.
Maxx - "I'm a tween girl deep down inside anyways."
Next up we come to Zack, Tony, and Phillip. Zack's our second person who has a family member with a disability - his brother has down syndrome. They show Zack working out with him and he calls him his best friend, but something's uncomfortable about it because some Tweens or Carrie Ann keeps whooping in the back while we have this touching moment. Nonetheless, ABC's managed to manipulate me once again and I'm feeling a twinge of guilt for making fun of Zack. But, that's quickly resolved with this photo:
On to Tony, our rags to riches story. He says that he came to LA with $600 and a trash bag full of clothes. His mom was a hip hop dancer and taught him the moonwalk when he was a kid. Now, he's worth about $650 and some shit from Ikea, and is dancing on a reality show. Welcome to the bourgeoisie.
"I rather like it from up here. Harumph."
We next meet Philip from Virginia. Phil and his all-star country family band play guitar, fiddle and base around the den and have snowball fights all the time. It's Pigeon Forge charming. He then talks about what a jock he was as they show the photos he submitted to ABC, followed by a montage of him rock climbing, flexing, and acting like an All-American giant douche. I'm stealing from a (brilliant) South Park episode here, but I can't tell whether Philip is a Giant Douche or a Turd Sandwich. A vote? Please, let me know in the comments, I'm dying to hear your opinions (and I'm going to drink more now because I've shamed myself with this toilet humor joke).
This could be a close race
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Comments (3)
Love ya HayHor, but the song is "Don't Stop Til You Get ENOUGH". Actually, I think I like your title better though.
1 of 3 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on January 17, 2008 3:30 AM
One wonders who picked "The Beat Goes On". It's in such a low register...hard to sing it properly if you're not Cher.
2 of 3 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on January 17, 2008 3:43 AM
I always thought Michael Jackson was pervier than usual (at least for 1980's Michael Jackson) when he sang that song. I guess it all makes sense now. Thanks wintersux!
Also, yeah, the Beat Goes On takes a specail voice like Cher, or Bobby Goulet (god bless him).
3 of 3 | Posted by hayhor | Posted on January 17, 2008 6:33 AM