The three now have their dance number and I actually feel sorry for them because they have to wear these Mr. Slave vests. Phil comes out flexing like a tool, but overall everyone does a good job with "Hard to Handle". And I hate myself for saying that. Carrie Ann says the three male strongest voices are there - she especially loved Philip (yecch). Bruno asks Tony if he knows how good he is, which you can tell makes him feel genuinely happy. Surprisingly, a legitimately nice moment, which I obligingly have to follow with this:
Looks like Giant Douche may win with this. Time to throw one back.
It's time for Bruno and Carrie Ann to run down the list of the boys, providing about a sound bite for each one. Most of Bruno's are worth transcribing which I will do here - Carrie Ann's are typically boring.
Bruno on...
Zack: "Zack is mine! Strong leading man!"
Qis: "Qis is the charmer!" (long pause) "gotta have him."
Maxx: "Maxx, the cheeky boy, bouncing all the way around, he's like a little Chihuahua. [Chihuahua overly-annunciated]"
Chris: "Is Baby Spice of the Group ...He has a 'Watch Me' quality about him"
Bradley: "Bradley is the Showman! [said in tone like someone is disagreeing with him and he's getting really worked up defending Bradley]."
Seriously, someone needs to do a keg stand with all of the embarrassment Bruno just provided himself. Anyways, Carrie-Ann seems to be going with a teeny bopper approach as she gets first pick and selects Chris and Bradley, the youngest looking of the men. Bruno goes with Zach and Tony, leaving Maxx, Qis, and Philip hanging a little bit longer.
We next move on to the ladies, starting with the song "Bad girls". It's a mod design/choreography and they actually look, for the most part, pretty sexy. Unfortunately, the science experiment on top of Lacey's head brought down the class average. If Kelsey weren't here, god knows what kind of a collective disaster the ladies on this show would be.
Exhibit A: Failed Science Experiment
Exhibit B: Curvebuster (doubly appropriate?)
Bruno felt Lacey and Mariel's voices were a "symphony" and Kelsey's dancing is impeccable (I picked a thoroughbred here - mark my words she's going far). Carrie Ann complimented Elizabeth (the potential ho from episode 1) and said that Corina (the definite ho from episode 1) needed to work on her balance. She also awkwardly complemented Alyssa, the sales queen, by saying, "Alyssa, nice sparkle." Next thing I'd like you readers to comment on - Is Carrie Ann retarded?
Our first house, appropriately enough, is Kelsey's and we see that her mother is a dance instructor who pushed Kelsey her whole life. Even Kelsey admits that she's worked hard to please her mother, and she's doing Dance War, in part, because of her. All of this begs the question - Why couldn't she have daddy issues?
You may be a pain, Kelsey's mom, but thank you for delivering this little piece of bleach blonde heaven.
Next up is Corina who gives a very Brenda Dickson presentation as she shows us her house. Her mother says that she's always wanted people to like her and that she always wanted to be the center of attention, which explains a lot. Corina says that at first glance people think she's this "cute, ditzy flirt". To which the obvious response is, yes, you are that and much worse, unfortunately. Corina's latest bout with self-embarrasment might push me over the edge - from this point on, beware of spelling mistakes/drunken dyslexia, readers!
"Home to my welcome"
Allysa comes next from Fresno, California. She has a pretty good story for an underdog - she went to auditions not planning to try out, just planning on driving a friend. Lo and behold she's made it onto the show. She seems nice so I'm putting a moratorium on making fun of her until next week (maybe). It's also because she's boring and there's nothing else to really say about her.
Charity, or last weeks 20 year old southern belle from Nashville, is slightly more interesting, if only for the fact that she is a dance instructor (Geez, how many of these are there on the show?) and has a lisp that brings a13-year-old's laugh out of me. Also her dad is a contemporary Christian artist or as I like to call it, a guy who would never have a record deal if he didn't write songs about Jesus.
"♪Jesus is alright with me, because he pays all of my bills♪"
We come back and, like last week, it looks like Lachey's found a new batmitzvah to MC!
"My theme is washed up 90's pop-stars!"
« Scott Baio: Chachi is 46...and Having a Poorly Acted Breakdown | Main | The Amazing Race: Babies in Thailand »
Comments (3)
Love ya HayHor, but the song is "Don't Stop Til You Get ENOUGH". Actually, I think I like your title better though.
1 of 3 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on January 17, 2008 3:30 AM
One wonders who picked "The Beat Goes On". It's in such a low register...hard to sing it properly if you're not Cher.
2 of 3 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on January 17, 2008 3:43 AM
I always thought Michael Jackson was pervier than usual (at least for 1980's Michael Jackson) when he sang that song. I guess it all makes sense now. Thanks wintersux!
Also, yeah, the Beat Goes On takes a specail voice like Cher, or Bobby Goulet (god bless him).
3 of 3 | Posted by hayhor | Posted on January 17, 2008 6:33 AM