We start the show with Lachey waxing poetic. He says that "in every defeat there is sadness" (as the camera shows Bruno's gang upset about losing Charity) and that "in every victory there is celebration" (as the camera cues to a mechanical bull?). These reality show writers really know how to slather on the poingancy. We know, however, that the bull fits this week's theme of country music, in which case, everyone should prepare themselves for feeling both patriotic and drunk.

"well ain't that 'Merica?"

Our teams start off singing "Loud" from Big and Rich, who, if they haven't annoyed you by now/you haven't heard of them, be thankful. They're like a country version of Hall and Oates only exponentially less cool. They use a prop for this number (a pool table) and the outfits are whatever Jodie Foster and Mel Gibson didn't use when they were making Maverick, back in the day. Our standouts for this round are as follows:

Kelsey: Kelsey and I's relationship is the most volatile thing I've ever experienced. At some points throughout this trainwreck of a reality show, she's been a beacon of hope, strutting her stuff all over the stage. At other points, she's been boring me to death - tonight, the strut is back...or maybe it's the whorish costume of a well, whore that she's wearing.

"This outfit just wears so naturally. I can kick, stretch, and kick."

Mariel: Does a pretty good job with her vocals, putting out her little powerhouse voice to make the crap ass song better. And while she hasn't shown us anything new, it's not a bad thing necessarily to have a powerhouse voice make a crap ass song better, right?

"Well, you didn't listen to Whitney Houston's last album did you?"

Everyone else is pretty bland, but the guys try to work their Carrot Top by using props at the end of the song - pool cues from the pointless pool table. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) for them, their prop comedy is much funnier than that ginger, steroided freak, although I guess that's kind of not the point.

Lachey then directs us to a clip reel where we see what happened last week with the votes. Alyssa recalled being "so nervous, I could feel my sister watching me." Then camera cuts to her sister with her eyes closed. There must be a sane person in the edit room this week, or at least one with a sense of humor. Meanwhile, after the announcement of the winning team was made, Team Carrie Ann acted more excited than a college kid at a Barack Obama rally, and all of a sudden feel like they're the shit for a week.

"We just won Iowa, bitches!"

Team Carrie Ann heads back to the studio where they encounter...yes, the aforementioned mechanical bull. For some reason Carrie Ann thinks this is going to be better for their dance moves, but it raises some serious health concerns. What if one of her dancers gets injured? What if the bull does little or nothing to improve their skills? What if Bradley pops his cherry on this thing?

"No worries, the V-card has been swiped."

Chris is a bit nervous as he isn't familiar with country and is only into hip hop. To which, dear readers, we must all say, "why must wiggs be so close minded?" Elizabeth had a little slip up at the end of "Papa Was a Rolling Stone" last week and got upset - perhaps the producers are setting these two up to go home this week? Carrie-Ann then finishes our competitors-behind-the-scenes portion of the show with some fake gunshooting and some bullshit smiling.

"I'm a cheeseball fraud!"

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Posted in Dance Wars by HayHor at 1:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: Splotchie on Feb 8, 2008 01:34 PM.