What's up readers? I'm going to start this recap with a disclaimer - I don't mean to offend anyone. Nonetheless, I have to say that Latino culture, when not presented properly, can seem kind of obnoxious. For example - Reggaeton, J. Lo, Walter Mercado, and Sabado Gigante (look the last two up if you don't know them).
If any readers out there are offended know this - your writer is a card carrying, off-the-boat Latino (well, it was on a plane, when I was 1, but you get the picture). Let's remember that despite the aforementioned desecrations considered to be Latino culture, I can think of no greater slap in the face than having Bradley sing the songs of my people. Much less, on a night when High School Musical (yes, you heard right) is already going to make us feel uncomfortable. That being said, ignore the Disney/ABC imposed synergy and we'll move on with LA GUERRA DE BAILE!
Que barbaridad!
We start with Lachey screaming that "It's Latin week!" with the vigor of a soltero on the prowl (sorry I'll stop with the spanglish colloquialisms). The first, big number with both teams is "Dance with Me". I will do my best to push all previously mentioned biases to the back of my mind, and to just make fun of these people for being the adorable dolts that they are.
So, staring with Lacey, she is stealing the show from everyone, particularly the other big voiced Mariel, by really going that extra octave. She isn't trying to show Mariel up, but just wants her to know who's "Queen Bitch" in this joint. Overall, the number is pretty well put together and nicely performed, and of course, Kelsey looks fantastic. Also, Zack smiles after the number like he just defeated potty training and is excited to show his mom and dad.
"I got to the toilet in time!"
Bruno shouts to us that tonight's performances are going to take us to old Havana, and then to a hip, young club in Miami and "we're gonna rock it!" Lachey then asks if Bruno knows what hip and young is while Bruno claims that "I invented hip and young." It's pretty easy to imagine a 16 year old Bruno, wind flopping in his hair as he pulls his moped into a go-go club so he can sip grappa with some guy named Sergio.
Lachey asks Carrie Ann what her team has up their frontrunner sleeve. She says that they have a "presentational number for Bruno" and another one that's a "good old team Carrie Ann style" number, or in other words, a dance of gloating. Bruno's comments against Chris pissed of Bradley, so he mouths off to the camera that they're tired of Bruno's comments and have been working too hard for that. I'm really tired of him. When they interview the team to get their reaction to winning again, everyone seems to be really thankful, except Bradley who takes himself way too seriously and says, "This is a WAR and they're AFTER us."
"Sergio, is that you behind me?"
Carrie Ann got her team a day at the spa, which everyone seemed to be pretty pumped about. Qis is going into the sauna with Chris so he can "relax his muscles a bit," but dude, in all frattiness, jerking off in front of another dude totally makes you gay, no matter what you say. Bradley continues to act like a douche, as he wears a wrobe and wraps a towel around his head. It's ok though, he says, "because I look good." He claims that he's "not a diva..I just like things." Which is code for "I'm a golddigger." Watch out, Clay Aiken, this one's on the prowl.
"I DON'T WANT PRENUP!"
A conga beat drums in the background as we get back to Team Carrie Ann's studio, just in case we forgot what the theme of this week is. Carrie Ann says that Latin music is already great in the first place, but Mariel worries because you have to be technically precise to do it well. Alyssa, however, feels confidence because she's had Latin training before. She's forgetting one thing, however - she's dropping lbs by the minute. Based on my handful of Latin weddings, the dancing style includes some serious hip-shaking elements. Unfortunately for her, she lost her biggest (trying not to write "asset" as it is a shameful pun) advantage (phew) in a matter of weeks.
« House: Freezer Burn | Main | Big Brother: The Case of the Sad, Slick, Sneaky-Snake's Surreptitious Sayonara »
Comments (8)
Yo HayHor! Haven't even finished reading the recap yet but I have to mention that Zach is the ex-fiancé of Dancing With The Stars very own Julianne Hough. If they never got even a LITTLE jiggy with it, well, no wonder he is the EX-fiancé.
1 of 8 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on February 14, 2008 11:16 AM
"As long as you don't say it three times in front of a mirror we're cool. Otherwise, he'll come back and eat you."
OMG, love ya HH!!!
I should not have been surprised that Carrie Ann kept Bradley because she had such nips for his dancing ability, but thank God next week is the finale.
2 of 8 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on February 14, 2008 11:47 AM
WHAT?
Was this at reality blurred or something? Did Nads cover this? How did I miss this? I need some sources, wintersux. I was totally unaware of this and now feel like a derelict recapper.
3 of 8 | Posted by HayHor | Posted on February 14, 2008 11:53 AM
I don't remember for sure where I read it. I think it might have been at TVGuide.com. This is the guy she broke up with around the time that she was partnered with Apolo. It's been a while since I read it. Unless I just hallucinated the whole dang thing.
4 of 8 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on February 14, 2008 12:00 PM
I wikipedia'd it and it's true. I've dated a couple of jewish girls and it's always dicey since I'm not an MOT (member of the tribe). I see now, however, that the mormons are even more serious about that kind of stuff.
Thanks for the scoop, wintersux. I'll use this info to pick on Zack next week and raise some (as of now undeveloped) conspiracy theories.
5 of 8 | Posted by HayHor | Posted on February 14, 2008 12:08 PM
You are very welcome, HayHor. Consider it my Valentine's Day present to you. :) Just don't ask me why I didn't mention it earlier...I dunno. I guess the "afraid of sex" principal is what reminded me.
6 of 8 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on February 14, 2008 12:51 PM
Sorry, I meant principle, not principal.
7 of 8 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on February 14, 2008 1:01 PM
Funny as always HayHor. Great seeing the Charity breakdown clip again, thanks.
BTW, its true that Zack was Julian's fiancee and that he is Mormon, but so is she so they both would likely shun genitals until marriage. Hard to believe though given the way she moves that fab bod of hers.
I'm so glad that next week is the finale although I still don't understand how this whole deal works. If our vote next week is going to decide the winner it can't be based on the number of people left on each team because Carrie Ann would either have it won already or it would be a tie. So to determine the winner they really only needed us to vote one dang time and there was no reason to get rid of any of the contestants beforehand. Sheesh, I hate that they didn't think this show out any better than they did.
8 of 8 | Posted by Splotchie | Posted on February 15, 2008 1:21 PM