With the United States in the thick of the primary season, some people out there are forgetting that there's a war going on. And as during any war, the powers that be occasionally have to step in, put Democracy on hold for a little while, and declare martial law. Well America, on tonight's episode of Dance War that time has come. Because tonight, America doesn't decide who goes home - no, no, no - countrymen (and women and Angelique from Rock of Love), we only decide which team has to have someone go home, not which contestant. Bruno and Carrie Ann are the real ones in charge of this thing since they get to pick who goes, so let's hope for the hopeless, and keep our fingers crossed that they can stay off the sauce and avoid getting drunk with power.
We're thirsty! Feed us your tears, dancers!
The show tonight celebrates the music of R&B and Motown. We start off with a big group dance singing "Land of 1,000 Dances" (or the naaaaa-na-na-na-naaaaa-na-na-na-naaaa- na-na-na-na-na-na song) and while the dancing and singing are pretty good, I feel bad, yet another week, for what these poor little d-bags have to wear. They're in 50's era clothing with a "B" for Bruno and a "CA" for Carrie Ann cheaply ironed (or stapled even?) on. Nonetheless, Kelsey manages to look better and better each episode, and dances great in this number. I know I've been raving about her, but is anyone else out there hoping she turns into Jessica Sierra when the cameras are off? She's become a little bit boring, despite the hotness factor.
"Is this the audition for Stepford Wives 2"
On top of all of this excitement(?), Bradley felt the need to call out to dogs instead of sing during his big solo. It was a mix between wailing in pain and a mating call with some 50's soul music thrown in. Philip "Giant Douche Carter", on the other hand was dancing/trying to act all hard, and looked like he wanted to eat the camera when he sang.
He's like a pet goat only less housebroken.
Bruno and Carrie Ann take their usual seats of judgment after coming out post dance and hugging their teams. Drew Lachey reminds everyone that tonight someone is going home, and being the type of reality show host who studies the veterans of his craft, he must've done some research on the chenbot as he "but first(s)" onto another topic, Bruno's team's clip reel!
We remember the good times last week, when Carrie Ann cracked on Bruno's team for being a chorus despite his belief that his team was "irresistible". He says that Carrie Ann's crack is groundless and he's got a plan to make her eat her words - Lacey will be singing an Aretha Franklin solo number this week. Her mother is sitting next to her as Bruno delivers the good news and she starts clapping like a bad Eddie Murphy impersonation.
"That's my babygurrrl"
At Bruno's studio, aka summer camp, the kids do another trust building exercise where the group catches one person as they fall from a higher platform. For some reason Lacey can't do it, and the camera focuses on Bruno as he watches her hesitation from his crimson tower (which is like an ivory tower, only instead of knowledge it contains fascinating eccentricity...I've identified it as such because there is no other way to explain his popularity). Apparently Lacey has trust issues and Bruno wants to have a little chat with her. Lacey comes up with some bullshit about how people have let her down all her life, and the show stirs up two minutes of manufactured drama...yawn.
Bruno, Dr. Phil is neither fascinating nor eccentric - you need to cut the crap and stop trying to be him.
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Comments (10)
OMG, I could not wait to hear what you would have to say about Bradley's "solo". I'm sure he was supposed to sound like James Brown wailing it out, but instead it sounded like someone put his nuts in a vise.
1 of 10 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on January 31, 2008 2:29 AM
I want to figure out how to add audio/video to these recaps because, unless you saw Bradley's performance like my friend wintersux, you don't know what a freaking disaster it was. If he doesn't go next week it will really make no sense. Am I really talking about Dance War logistics at 9:41AM EST/6:41 AM PST? I'm gonna go curl up in my shower with all of my clothes on now.
2 of 10 | Posted by hayhor | Posted on January 31, 2008 6:43 AM
I have this feeling that wintersux and I are the only people actually watching this show.
Oh, and Hayhor, I know you like Kelsey, but I'll be surprised if that girl doesn't grow up to be Lauri from Real Housewives of Orange County.
3 of 10 | Posted by susanarosa | Posted on January 31, 2008 8:11 AM
Susanarosa,
Some people out there are watching this show - it's getting decent ratings. (Going back to this political theme) I'm in a blue state, so I know no one over here seems to be watching it, but I'm sure red staters are eating this shit up.
As for the Lauri comment, I bet you Lauri looked as good as Kelsey about 30 years ago when she was her age and before all the cosmetic surgery. So, there's worse things for our girl Kels. That being said, I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up becoming a Real Houswife of Orange County some day.
Where would I be without you two commenters, by the way? Keep making me feel relevant and I'll keep trying to not come up with the same jokes about everyone week after week. Sounds like a fair deal, no?
4 of 10 | Posted by hayhor | Posted on January 31, 2008 9:45 AM
Well, with a deal like that on the table I feel the need to admit that I did a little fist pump on my couch when they started the stepping routine during "Papa Was a Rolling Stone."
And I actually voted for Carrie Ann's team this week.
You got room in that shower?
5 of 10 | Posted by susanarosa | Posted on January 31, 2008 10:01 AM
Susanarosa, I've had that same feeling before - "Am I the only one who watches this show?" Actually I've had that feeling about several shows I've watched over the years. I'm happy to keep posting comments just to keep HayHor company.
6 of 10 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on January 31, 2008 11:03 AM
Just don't hold it against me too much if my comments aren't always coherent - I work some odd hours.
7 of 10 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on January 31, 2008 11:06 AM
It's kind of a shame that we're the only two watching since I think Hayhor is actually one of the better recappers this site has had in awhile.
The Debbie Allen line still has me giggling.
8 of 10 | Posted by susanarosa | Posted on January 31, 2008 11:21 AM
Excellent recap - especially considering I couldn't stay interested in the actual show... I may have lasted ten minutes (it seemed longer) before running screaming from the room.
9 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on January 31, 2008 12:05 PM
I'm not ashamed to admit that I also watch this show - I'm a sucker for reality shows that involve dancing. Bradley needs to go, but I'm still rooting for Team Carrie Ann because Mariel is my girl. How often do you get to see a Filipina on TV?
10 of 10 | Posted by jesusloveswinners | Posted on January 31, 2008 1:53 PM