This season's Dancing With The Stars is proving more exciting than the last four combined, with blood, falls, spirited arguments over controversial moves, and now a complete collapse.
Not a panty frill showing.
By now everyone in the Western hemisphere has seen the footage of Marie Osmond. Monday night, following her samba with partner Jonathon, she stood awaiting her review from the judges...when suddenly the poor woman's eyes rolled back into her head like the spinners in a slot machine, and down she went.
Marie studies the inside of her eyelids.
On the upside, years of being a professional Osmond trained her well: she maintained her dignity and fell like a lady, never showing so much as a piece of lace...more than Britney Spears manages to do when ostensibly fully conscious. Some have speculated Marie isn't eating enough, but Ms. Osmond maintains it was a matter of breathing...or in her case not breathing. She says the air quality has been affected by the fires. Or all that hot air from Donald Trump, Sean Penn, and Michael Moore. Regardless of the cause, it made for some compelling television, created priceless additional exposure for the already top-rated show, boosted the sales of the new Marie Osmond doll introduced this week, and created a run on tickets to her upcoming concert in England with her brother, Donny. A pair of front row seats sold for over $14,000...not that I'm cynical, or anything. I'm not blaming Marie...just TPTB. Anyway, after a really long commercial break, we were spared the judge's critique, and the dance was awarded 21 points. The fall to the floor received a perfect score.
Jane Seymore and her partner, Tony, were in the unenviable position of having to follow the dramatic moment. Jane is too elegant and classy for most Latin hip-shaking, but the two decided to tackle a rhumba...a dance which always makes me think of Ellie Mae and Jethro, out by the see-ment pond, wresting while debating the merits of rhumba versus cha-cha-cha. (Those of you who know the episode are laughing...those who don't, think I'm having some kind of drug induced flashbacks.) For the performance, Jane borrowed one of Edyta's old costumes, but she has the body to pull it off, so I'll let it pass. Needless to say, there were no lifts this week...just a slightly tentative, pretty good representation of a rhumba. Bruno described Jane as classy, never trashy, and always Rodeo Drive...but pronounced it like the bull-riding sport, not the Beverly Hills shopping district. Carrie Ann commented on the likeness to Edyta...so it wasn't my imagination...but criticized Jane's spotting. Len enjoyed the romance of the presentation. 26 points total.
Next up were Mark Cuban and Kym. As we suffered through the preview video, suddenly (mercifully) it broke in the middle and the screen went black. I can only imagine some mischievous technician in the booth intentionally hitting the button. For this alone, I'd like to nominate that guy for an Emmy for vastly improving this show.
Latin night is all about sexiness, but to all appearances Cuban didn't get the memo. Or perhaps he just isn't familiar with the word. Mark and Kym really upped the "eewwwwww factor" this week with a samba choreographed as an ode to I Dream Of Jeannie. While Kym is actually a pretty good likeness for Barbara Eden and looked stunning in her costume, for some reason instead of being partnered with a stodgy yet still masculine homage to Major Tony Nelson (originated by Larry Hagman,) she was paired with a refugee from Revenge of The Nerds...complete with Mark using a robotic, 14 year-old boy's voice referencing prime numbers.
"I keep blinking my eyes, but he won't go away."
Creepy? You bet. Especially when you factor in Mark's PeeWee Herman-style moves. For some unfathomable reason, the judges are too cowardly to tell this pigeon-toed, egotistical jerk just how bad a dancer he really is. Whereas they rip some unsuspecting celebrities to shreds with the cruel comments, this guy gets the kid-gloves treatment: Carrie Ann said it was entertaining and she liked it. I can only conclude she has continued the course of thorazine begun during last week's lift scandal. Bruno called the dance a geek fantasy, and emphasized the entertainment value. Len was the only one remotely realistic. He said that although he also found it entertaining, Mark's best hope was to find Jeannie's lamp, rub it, and hope some magic will sort his feet out. A score of 21...and no one even passed out.
« Survivor: The Long Way Around | | House: Ghosts, Vampires and a Bitch or Two »
Comments (5)
You didn't have an orgasm. You had a TVGasm!
1 of 5 | Posted by nerrawllehctim | Posted on October 27, 2007 1:50 PM
Why is she any different than Drew Lachey (who also was in a dancing and singing group)? Or Joey Fatone? Wasn't Ian Ziering on broadway?
2 of 5 | Posted by fancynancy | Posted on October 28, 2007 7:42 AM
Why is Sabrina any different than Drew Lachey? Wasn't he also in a singing and dancing group? And Joey Fatone also? Wasn't Ian Ziering on broadway while he was on the show? All these people were dancing singers just like Sabrina? So why is she any different than them?
3 of 5 | Posted by fancynancy | Posted on October 28, 2007 7:44 AM
Their dancing was incidental to their performing, although it certainly gave them an edge in the competition. Sabrina put out an instructional dance dvd, making her a professional dancer.
4 of 5 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on October 28, 2007 11:08 AM
During the commercial break, after she had fainted, I thought she was dead. Good thing she's alive. It would have put a damper on the rest of the season
5 of 5 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on October 29, 2007 12:49 PM