Testimonials

Jane Seymore and Tony found themselves in the bottom two last week, so they will be fighting hard to keep that from happening again as they present a jive. In preparation, they visit a naval fleet and dance for them, because everyone knows all sailors are experts on 1940s dances. Haven't you ever seen the huge ships out in the harbor with the men in uniforms swabbing the decks and hoisting the sails, all while performing a catchy little song and dance number? The band proceeds to mangle a slowed down version of David Bowie's Modern Love as Jane and Tony turn in a lackluster jive. And I found myself distracted as I thought about Jane's interview earlier in the week in which she revealed she's had plastic surgery on her eyes, and she's had breast implants. It's all her own hair, though, so I'm still a little jealous. Carrie Ann acknowledges the dance was energetic, but also says it wasn't Jane's best. Len said, and I quote, "You're pretty nifty for fifty...or...whatever," and thought their jive was okay. Bruno agreed the pair didn't do as well as they've done with the other more lyrical dances. The score: 22 points.

Cameron Mathison and poor, chilly Edyta will samba this week. To get them in the spirit of the hip-swiveling challenge, they head to Little Brazil. Apparently Mathison is a method actor. Perhaps if they fly to the actual South American country, he might stand a chance of winning...or not. An older woman at the dance hall tells Cameron that Brazilians are born with the samba in their blood...meaning she views this whole exercise as futile. Cam and Edyta come out for their performance, and for the first time, I'm completely stumped by the costumes. They're kind of deer-skinesque, psuedo Native American things which have no relation to the dance, country of origin, or the music. What. The. Hell. I'm so distracted I have to rewind and watch the dance again. Nope. Still bland. It's a samba at half speed. And they end three beats after the music over. Len says it was only good "in parts." Bruno, like me, was confused by Captain Smith and Pocahontas doing a samba. Carrie Ann liked the primal feel to the presentation. 25 points...the same as Sabrina and Mark, who (even though I don't like them) are indisputably better dancers.

Captain Smith & Pocahontas

Old Spice and Maks will now rumble...er...I mean rhumba. But I'm on the right track, as Maks describes the dance as being about love and hate. To get the point across, we're shown a montage of their contentious relationship...and I wonder why Maks didn't leave her little has-been butt in England when he had the chance. In spite of their problematic partnership, they provide the first real professional looking dance of the night. It's smooth, it's entertaining, it's very, very good. Especially the end, where Mel ended up on Bruno's lap...a move guaranteed to add several points to the score. Bruno effervesced at length about the beautiful pacing and the focus. Carrie Ann said she was mesmerized. Len described the dance as perfection. Actually, Len did a rhyming thing, like a bad attempt to channel the spirit of Dr. Seuss, but I'll spare you the sad result. A perfect 30 is the score.

Maks does his best Pepe Le Pew

Marie "Smelling Salts" Osmond and Jonathon take on the paso doble this week. First the network gets a little more mileage out of the footage of Marie fainting, and she explains she has a history of passing out. Soooo...she's kinda like one of those fainting goats. Whatever you do, don't frighten her. We also see Jonathon reminding her to breath: In...okay, now out...now in again....aaaand out. C'mon, man! She's not blond. As they begin their dance, I'm distracted by an errant squeak from one of the clarinets. Careful. You might startle Marie into a faint. They have the right attitude and expression, and the dance wasn't bad, but it seemed to be more about skirt twirling than substance. Host Tom Bergeron comments that's the longest he's ever seen an Osmond go without smiling. Carrie Ann didn't feel Marie gave the paso her all. Len states he's afraid to say anything, since last time he spoke to her, she passed out. He goes on to say he liked the opening, but then it deteriorated, and felt more like a gypsy cooking sausages around a campfire. Look...I don't make this stuff up. Bruno felt Marie was too cranky. 23 points.

Marie prepares for take-off.

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Posted in Dancing with the Stars by CattyFan at 3:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: wintersux on Nov 25, 2007 08:57 AM.