This week on Dancing with the Stars it's the waltz and paso doble! And what better way to start if off than with a sweaty, gross shot of Cristian! He says, "Watch out Kristi!" Indeed!
How can we ever move on without the Gut?! I must admit I missed his signature "Hi Mom and Dad!" to the camera at the beginning. However the good news is that he's now back living above their garage and can say "Hi" every morning over breakfast.
Everyone's looking snappy tonight for the fancy dancin'! And stop the presses - Useless Samantha's dress is actually quite stunning! Glad she's been taking notes. Perhaps she can become aesthetically relevant now. (Hold for laughter) Naaahhhh....
Up first is the Yamaguchinator!!! Which is nice - usually they save her for a big finale but this time they're putting her up front so she can completely break the other contestant's spirits for the rest of the show. Love it!
Kristi's goal this time around is to be emotional, passionate, and aggressive. Mark tries to get all crazy and intense with her during the rehearsals. To which Kristi replies, "It's intense! I like it though - I've never done anything this... (AND THEN SHE GRUNTS!)" WOW! Yamaguchinator is ready to kick some ass!! She's gonna throw Mark around like a wet towel.
Their Pasa Doble begins! It's pretty snazzy and sexual. However the song is WEIRD. It's "Blue Monday" by New Order. And the guy singing it is basically doing a talk-through version. Picture a younger Tony Bennet singing it. But aside from that - Kristi is really kicking ass. For the final move she totally pulls a figure skater spin in the air and comes an inch from slamming her pretty little head into the floor! Fantastic!
Now before we get into the judges reactions, we get treated to a shot of my favorite singer...
The MOTHER FUCKING QUEEN!!! Love her! Tonight's she's going all solid gold! One day I hope to meet this lady and give her a "Guuuuurrrrl! Triple snaps!"
Len loved the dance and gives props to Mark for the choreography. However he's upset that Kristi's emotion is starting to look the same each week. And what would that be Len - the emotion of KICK ASS?! Ick. Eat a crumpet Grandpa! And BTW...
Bert and Ernie called - they want their only suit back.
On the other hand - Bruno loved the dance! He excitedly calls Kristi a "harlot" and a "Jezzebell"! Awesome. Thanks to Bruno she's going home to a family screaming "DISHONAH! DISHONAH!" at her. Carrie agrees (btw she's totally sporting a J-Lo haircut tonight - luckily she doesn't have to pad her ass to get J-Lo booty) and thought Kristi finally took some risks.
The scores come in and it's a 9 from Len and a 10 FROM CARRIE AND BRUNO!!!! WHAT?!??! CRAZY! First 10's of the season folks! The best part is the look on the other contestant's faces of "Oh FUCK YOU Kristi Yamaguchi!"
Up next, Priscilla and Louis! Louis is desperately trying to teach her the Viennese Waltz. Pri-Pri is totally getting frustrated and actually showing some personality this time around! Watch closely - her face shows EXPRESSION!! WHAT?! I know. She must have had face-emoting surgery since last week! So Louis takes her roller-blading to teach her movement. I would have thought a trip to Sea World would have done it - but whatever. Anyways they have a blast roller-blading...
but why you need to dress up as Ozzie Osborne and George Michael to rollerblade is beyond me.
Priscilla and Louis begin their waltz! It's beautiful and romantic! And although Louis dances like the last thing he'd be attracted to is a woman and Pri-Pri is dressed up like an 80 year-old princess bride - I still love them! It's actually quite sweet. Right up until the final move where Louis throws Pri-Pri across the floor!
"Toe pick!" (100 cool points if you can name that movie!)
Bruno starts off by saying she had great interpretation of romance. Hey - any girl that has partied with King and done lines off his peanut-butter-belly knows about romance! Carrie then comments that Pri-Pri could teach classes about using her face to create drama! Drama?! How about comedy??! And I would have said she could use her face to teach a class on sculpturing - but luckily I'm not at the judges table.
« Step it Up and Dance: Nomi Malone sticks it to Cristal Connors yet again. | | Idol Gives Back 2: Give Me the Two and a Half Hours You Stole From Me and I'll Send My Own Goddamn Mosquito Net »
Comments (8)
"Toe pick!" (100 cool points if you can name that movie!)
Is it Cutting Edge??
1 of 8 | Posted by gasmilicous | Posted on April 10, 2008 10:14 AM
100 cool points to "gasmilicous"!!! Gotta love you some DB and Moira!
2 of 8 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on April 10, 2008 10:32 AM
Cristian is still the most sexy. (but he really doesn't have a lot of competition.)
Jason still looks like he should get aboard the mother ship and fly back to mars. I was thinking he should grow his hair out to alleviate the ALIEN look but his hairline starts at the back of his head. Ugh.
I want to like chubbers but sometimes she just appears so needy and desperate.
3 of 8 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on April 10, 2008 1:10 PM
Chubbers reminds me so much of Mary Lou Retton.
Thanks again for the great recap. I was just saying to my SO that it reminded me of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 or something like that. I laughed 'til I cried.
4 of 8 | Posted by squibby | Posted on April 10, 2008 5:42 PM
Um, fun speculation about Edyta and Jason's off-camera relationship (or most likely not) aside... you *are* aware she's married to hottie pro dancer Alec Mazo (winner of the first season of DWTS), right?
Fun recaps, keep up the great work.
5 of 8 | Posted by spacecadet | Posted on April 10, 2008 6:33 PM
Yes it is The Cutting Edge!
6 of 8 | Posted by User Name | Posted on April 11, 2008 8:34 AM
bBitz - great recap! Getting excited for tonight. A couple of things for you...lifts are not allowed on DWTS unless it is a "freestyle" round. In seasons past they have come down hard on anyone that does a lift. In Pri Pri's dance she did one of those lifts where the woman is supposed to drag her foot, but her foot didn't drag so they called it a lift and thus docked her points.
As for the capes...the Paso Doble is supposed to be the dance between the bullfighter and the cape, or something like that, so thus the capes...and the long skirts the women whip around like capes...
7 of 8 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on April 14, 2008 11:50 AM
Thanks LLNC92! You need to take Samantha's place! Much more useful!
8 of 8 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on April 14, 2008 11:11 PM