Mario and Karina begin their Pasa Doble. Mario is flinging a cape all around. What's with all the friggin' capes?! However once he ditches it they really start to bust a move around the floor. Their feet are on fire and it looks like bench pressing 30lbs of boobs helped somehow - Mario is back! They finale move is amazing! Karina runs up behind him and he flips her over him into a split!
Although this always works easier when she's hanging from the ceiling above a bed. Although that move always ends with a cigarette and 20 bucks on the nightstand.
Bruno loved it - called him "strong and powerful"! Watch out Cristian - someone's got a new crush! Carrie liked it - didn't love it - and had problems with his consistency. And then there was Len. Who was confusing to say the least. He called Mario's style of dancing "wild" - which I think is bad. It was hard for him to explain since Bruno was flipping out that Len was picking on his new BF. Len then tells Mario that he's 21 - and Len has "underpants older than him". I swear at the beginning of each night Len thinks of the most random thing he can say and then just finds a random place to say it. Anyways, my skin just crawled thinking about Len sitting there in dirty ol' undies - covered in sweat stains and skidmarks.
The judges scores are all over the place! Carrie gives an 8, Len gives a 7 and Bruno gives a 9! Looks like Bruno wants to recreate a naked Benetton ad with Mario and Cristian!
Up next, NFL star Jason Taylor! And according to Edyta, this week Jason has to treat her like a "proper lady"! Yeah - that's right! No more freebies - it's time to start paying for it! She's a lady AND a tramp.
She then decides that the only way to teach Jason is by bringing him to Medeival Times to be taught chivalry by a knight. Good idea. This is just like the time I took my nieces to Disney World to teach them to be happy ALL THE TIME. NO MATTER WHAT. Even if it makes you cry inside.
This was seriously the most useless segment EVER! Edyta ACTUALLY says, "I really feel like Jason learned a lesson from the knight." What lesson?! How to bypass a respectable career and become a carnie that rides horses?
Or how to dress up in the Hans Solo costume I wore in 3rd grade?
Jason and Edyta then begin their Viennese Waltz! It's passionate (Obviously Medieval Times gets the blood pumpin'!) and graceful. Although I must admit it's really funny to watch Jason - a 9ft tall football player dance around the stage like this:
It's just too fancy.
However he does practically make out with Edyta during several moves. And although he looks awkward doing this fancy moves he's fully dedicated which is fantastic. I mean, the poor guy has to partake in this final move:
He must be absolutely hating this. PS - Edyta, don't forget to wipe the floor when you're done.
Carrie loves the dance and the "seductive angle" they took. Doing it on the side always helps there. Len calls it a "Wow" of a waltz. Bruno says "It was like a majestic swan intertwined in a mating ritual." Well fuck-a-duck I think he's right!
Back in the green room Jason tells Useless Samantha that it's easy to dance with such skill because Edyta is better looking than the guys he plays against. Well... that and those guys wouldn't give you an hour long hummer during practice. I'm just saying.
The judges scores come back and HOLY SHMOLY! Len gives a 9 and Carrie and Bruno give 10's!!!!! Jason ties with Kristi for 29!!!! It's ON! Lock and load Yamaguchinator! Maybe they won't have to shoot her after all.
Up next, Cristian de la Sweatiness! Him and Cheryl are getting along just swimmingly in rehearsal! And by that I mean the walls are painted in blood. Shit! Cheryl is Pissy McSnapperson with Cristian. I know my patience would be short with him - but she's like .2 seconds away from socking him.
She decides to take Cristian to her dance studio opening for a shameless plug and to meet her previous (winning and hotter) dance partner, Drew Lachey. At the opening the three have awkward conversation in front of cameras and Cristian asks Drew if Cheryl was hard on him. Drew says yes - she rode him ALL THE TIME. RODE HIM. What?! It's all purely speculation!! Allegedly!
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Comments (8)
"Toe pick!" (100 cool points if you can name that movie!)
Is it Cutting Edge??
1 of 8 | Posted by gasmilicous | Posted on April 10, 2008 10:14 AM
100 cool points to "gasmilicous"!!! Gotta love you some DB and Moira!
2 of 8 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on April 10, 2008 10:32 AM
Cristian is still the most sexy. (but he really doesn't have a lot of competition.)
Jason still looks like he should get aboard the mother ship and fly back to mars. I was thinking he should grow his hair out to alleviate the ALIEN look but his hairline starts at the back of his head. Ugh.
I want to like chubbers but sometimes she just appears so needy and desperate.
3 of 8 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on April 10, 2008 1:10 PM
Chubbers reminds me so much of Mary Lou Retton.
Thanks again for the great recap. I was just saying to my SO that it reminded me of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 or something like that. I laughed 'til I cried.
4 of 8 | Posted by squibby | Posted on April 10, 2008 5:42 PM
Um, fun speculation about Edyta and Jason's off-camera relationship (or most likely not) aside... you *are* aware she's married to hottie pro dancer Alec Mazo (winner of the first season of DWTS), right?
Fun recaps, keep up the great work.
5 of 8 | Posted by spacecadet | Posted on April 10, 2008 6:33 PM
Yes it is The Cutting Edge!
6 of 8 | Posted by User Name | Posted on April 11, 2008 8:34 AM
bBitz - great recap! Getting excited for tonight. A couple of things for you...lifts are not allowed on DWTS unless it is a "freestyle" round. In seasons past they have come down hard on anyone that does a lift. In Pri Pri's dance she did one of those lifts where the woman is supposed to drag her foot, but her foot didn't drag so they called it a lift and thus docked her points.
As for the capes...the Paso Doble is supposed to be the dance between the bullfighter and the cape, or something like that, so thus the capes...and the long skirts the women whip around like capes...
7 of 8 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on April 14, 2008 11:50 AM
Thanks LLNC92! You need to take Samantha's place! Much more useful!
8 of 8 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on April 14, 2008 11:11 PM