Cristian also gets to hold the trophy Cheryl and Drew won:
Be warned. This is what dumb ass is gonna look like if he wins. (And notice Cheryl's immediate reaction when a big ball is put in front of her.)
Their Pasa Doble begins. And I haven't seen this much tan skin thrown around a stage since Britney's "comeback" performance at the VMA's. They're both dressed like vampires in goth-drag. Cristian is desperately trying to emote fierce passion and masculinity with angry movement and screaming "HA!" but it's just coming off as forced - and he also sounds like he's herding cattle. And Cheryl is SO not that fat. And he has this crazy-ass look on his face like he's gonna SNAP at any moment. Let's hope!
My favorite move is when he drags her ass across the floor:
Which instead of a slow, smooth drag is more of a stop and start, stop and start - making it look like any minute he's gonna scream, "JESUS! How many fucking hams did you eat tonight?!?"
Len loved the intensity but doesn't think they measured up to the powerful music that was playing. Ouch. Out matched by a trumpet. That BLOWS. Hey oh!! (I'm allowed one pun per recap right?!) Bruno compares Cristian to a prideful bull and calls is "very spanish and very latino!" Unfair! How's the Yamaguchinator and Chubbers supposed to be Latino? They should get to dance Kabuki and Polka, respectfully, to even it out. Carrie thinks they did match the music - AND she calls Cristian out for having crazy eye!!!
(Side note - Tom makes a crack about looking forward to how dark everyone's spray tan will be next week! THANK YOU! Leave it to the whitest guy in the room to notice.)
Back in the green room, Cristian says he wanted to make his Spanish grandpa proud with his dance. To which Useless Samantha replies, "Well...I think you'll do him proud...(long stutter) with... (stutter) that." WTF?!? Useless! Totally a Tivo replay moment!
The scores come up and Carrie and Cheryl give 9's while Len sticks with a modest 8. The Brit always seems to score lower. I like it. You can't tell me that dance was one point away from perfection!
Cristian then yells "Vote for me" in spanish - again! No fair! You don't see Kristi yelling "Ichiban!! Ichiban!!" every chance she gets!
Up next, Shannon! And holy shit! We find out Derek almost snapped his fucking neck last week! The ambulance came and everything!
Only the kiss of true love will save him! (And approx 5,000 cc's of morphine.)
During rehearsal Derek has to stay on the side and coach while Jonathon (apparently DWTS' favorite sub in a pinch) dances with Shannon. There's lots of drama - Derek wants to dance while Shannon cares for his health instead. It's the like the gayest "Young and the Restless" episode I've ever seen.
Derek and Shannon begin their waltz. I was kind of hoping Derek would keep his neck brace on for added effect - but no. Their dance is actually BEAUTIFUL! Shannon is graceful, flowing and gorgeous. Oh guuurrrlll - love it! Aside from watching if Derek's head was gonna snap off, I thought it was the best dance of the night!
Bruno thought the "hot babe has graduated into a class act!" Carrie thought it was "organic" and Len thought.... it was the best dance he's seen all night!! HOLLAH!! Bitch you better give her a 10.
Before breaking to the green room, Tom makes a joke about the judges taking their paddles to tomorrow night's kid performers. YIKES. I love the judging table reaction shot:
Carrie: "That comment was unnecessary." Bruno: "We're gonna get sued!" Len: "I love a good paddlin', I do! Cheerio!"
The scores come back - Carrie and Bruno give 9's while Len gives his FIRST 10 OF THE SEASON!! Nice job ol' boy.
Derek is so excited he shows Len the "O" face he's gonna get later!
Awww - it must be cute when Len & Derek and Bruno & Cristian go on double dates to Sizzler.
Up next, Marissa Jaret Winokur, aka MJW, aka Chuuuuubbers! (Love you Chubbers!) During rehearsal Tony makes the promise that he's giving MJW a Pasa Doble that the judges won't forget! I'm sure they won't. It'll be the first time they've seen a hot dog eating contest incorporated into a spanish dance.
However - Chubbers is ready to kick the judges' ass...
And take a bite out of them too!
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Comments (8)
"Toe pick!" (100 cool points if you can name that movie!)
Is it Cutting Edge??
1 of 8 | Posted by gasmilicous | Posted on April 10, 2008 10:14 AM
100 cool points to "gasmilicous"!!! Gotta love you some DB and Moira!
2 of 8 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on April 10, 2008 10:32 AM
Cristian is still the most sexy. (but he really doesn't have a lot of competition.)
Jason still looks like he should get aboard the mother ship and fly back to mars. I was thinking he should grow his hair out to alleviate the ALIEN look but his hairline starts at the back of his head. Ugh.
I want to like chubbers but sometimes she just appears so needy and desperate.
3 of 8 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on April 10, 2008 1:10 PM
Chubbers reminds me so much of Mary Lou Retton.
Thanks again for the great recap. I was just saying to my SO that it reminded me of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 or something like that. I laughed 'til I cried.
4 of 8 | Posted by squibby | Posted on April 10, 2008 5:42 PM
Um, fun speculation about Edyta and Jason's off-camera relationship (or most likely not) aside... you *are* aware she's married to hottie pro dancer Alec Mazo (winner of the first season of DWTS), right?
Fun recaps, keep up the great work.
5 of 8 | Posted by spacecadet | Posted on April 10, 2008 6:33 PM
Yes it is The Cutting Edge!
6 of 8 | Posted by User Name | Posted on April 11, 2008 8:34 AM
bBitz - great recap! Getting excited for tonight. A couple of things for you...lifts are not allowed on DWTS unless it is a "freestyle" round. In seasons past they have come down hard on anyone that does a lift. In Pri Pri's dance she did one of those lifts where the woman is supposed to drag her foot, but her foot didn't drag so they called it a lift and thus docked her points.
As for the capes...the Paso Doble is supposed to be the dance between the bullfighter and the cape, or something like that, so thus the capes...and the long skirts the women whip around like capes...
7 of 8 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on April 14, 2008 11:50 AM
Thanks LLNC92! You need to take Samantha's place! Much more useful!
8 of 8 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on April 14, 2008 11:11 PM