First up - Daniela and Aaron! We see them practicing on their front lawn. So cute! They can't afford a nice dance studio for these kids to practice in?
What's next - learning the viennese waltz in a dumpster? Or was the sand box filled with razor blades already booked?!
Daniela says alot of her friends think she's has a crush on Aaron, to which she tells them, "No - he's just my PARTNER." They then go on to show Aaron doing his "favorite thing" which is playing with his little dog. Oh boy. Thanks Daniela - you're officially the WORST BEARD EVER.Aaron and Daniela dance their samba and of course they're fantastic. The one friggin' problem is the guy singing the song - "Under the Sea" TOTALLY fucks up the words!!!! DUDE!!! There are 9 year olds dancing their hearts out on live TV to millions of people - they don't miss a step - AND YOU FUCK UP A DISNEY SONG WITH (I'M SURE) THE WORDS IN FRONT OF YOU?!?! SHIT. Did Useless Samantha teach you how to read a cue card?! I wanted little Daniela to march up there and shove the sheet music down your throat but she was too busy DOING HER SHIT RIGHT.
The judges of course give them nothing but love and they totally deserve it. Poor little Aaron looks like he's going to shit his pants. Shouldn't these kids be out playing and having fun? Oh well - gotta practice or Yamaguchi will come out, do it better and then take their future jobs.
One last thing:
Up next, Aaron and Rashall. They're both 8. And umm...
HOLD THAT THOUGHT! It looks like someone's parents had his lil' beauty mark removed before the show!
Aaron and Rashall go to perform an amazing Pasa Doble and basically hand the other kids their asses. Kid competitions are fierce. My favorite part? Look at the face Rashall makes at the end of their dance:
Bruno says they may be small but they're still an enormous fire power! He's shocked that even though they're so small they "acted" it well. What's the big deal? Tom Cruise is 3.5 feet tall and he still "acts". Carrie completely loved it and thinks they have a shot at being famous. Way to fuck with their little heads Carrie. They'll be addicted to smack before the next commercial break.
Back in the green room, Useless Samantha struggles to keep up with the wit and vocabulary of the 9 year-olds. And then the judges reveal who they'd like to see back... Carrie votes for Aaron and Rashell, Len votes for Aaron and Daniela and Bruno votes for Aaron and Rashell. OH PUH-LEASE. Sympathy vote Len!!! We all know the kids in red were better. Better to break the spirits of the loser team early on in life - the world needs ditch-diggers too.
My favorite part is when winner Aaron exclaims "I feel sorry for them" in the tone of "SUCKERS!!!" Useless Samantha goes "Awww how sweet". Christ. She can't even pick up on the sarcasm of a 9 year-old.
Sheryl's back for another performance. This time a song from her new album. AND... she's SINGING! Apparently she butchers "All I Wanna Do" on purpose so that people will stop asking her to sing it. And she has some big-time world champion dancers joining her. Who are FABULOUS! So what do the producers decide to do?!? KEEP CUTTING AWAY TO A SHERYL CROW CLOSE-UP! Why must they do this?! It's a DANCE show! Show the DANCERS!!!
If I wanted to see Sheryl Crow this close-up, I'd drop a testicle and win the Tour de France.
The performance continues and the dancers are amazing. Very sharp and clean. And I thoroughly enjoy watch them shake their asses and grind while Sheryl sings the line, "Children of Abraham lay down your fears, swallow your tears!" Faaaaantastic.
Next up is a semi-interesting segment about the pro-dancers and how they choreograph all of the dancing for when the special guests perform. Oh... that's sweet... can you imagine then, if the FUCKING PRODUCERS CUT AWAY FROM THEM DURING THEIR ROUTINE TO GET A CLOSE-UP OF A BOOGER IN THE SINGER'S NOSE!!!? ARG!!!
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