Michelle notes that the scariest thing that could happen is falling in front of the audience. Actually Michelle, this time you'll be falling in front of millions of viewers at home - including all the kids you go to school with. THAT'S scary. Don't worry though - those kids will be too busy stuffing Demitri in a locker to worry about you.
Demetri and Michelle dance to - what?!? "You Can't Stop the Beat" - from HAIRSPRAY. You know - the song that MJW sang and got the Tony for!!! So WHY - please tell me WHY - is the friggin' band singing it?!?! CHUBBERS!! WTF!!! Get out their and rip that mike out of that girls hands!!!! UGH!!!
Anyways - the kids do a great job...
Although I think certain dance moves should be left to the adults. Call me old-fashioned, but this just looks wrong.
Afterwards Tom asks Demetri how he met Michelle. He said he just walked up to her and asked her to be his partner. Awww. That won't be the last time he asks someone to be his partner.
The judges of course give them all glowing reviews. Just once I'd like to see Len completely tear into a kid couple, let there be awkward silence and then say "Just kidding!" Just once. Come on Len.
The next kid couple is Jaryd and Cara. (BTW can parents name their kids ANYTHING simple anymore?!? Jaryd?!? Really?! WTF is wrong with JarEd?! That SOB has made millions off hocking Subway - you should be proud to name your kid after him!) This is actually one of the cutest couples. At one point Jaryd does hip-hop and Cara looks on like a trophy-wife. Although...
Why is it that in every segment these kids have to dance on their front lawn?!? Are they not allowed in the house?! I can just hear the parents, "Have you won first place yet?! No?! Well then you practice your shit OUTSIDE IN THE COLD!"
Cara then shows us how she practices her facial expressions. She also seems to have a future in miming:
Jaryd and Cara start their ChaChaCha and for being the youngest couple - they're totally kick ass. They got their schtick down and little Jaryd moves his hips like a pro. I guess all that time locked out of the house pays off.
The judges eat it up. The kids keep saying how much they love making facial expressions. Bruno says they're "The cutest little gremlins ever!" Ummm - nice backhanded compliment, DICK. Why don't you throw water on them and see what happens!
Back in the green room, Useless Samantha asks the kids who makes their costumes. The kids reply "We don't have a choice. Our parents pick them out and we were them." Who saw THAT coming?!? Right - like these kids are allowed to decide anything!
The judges vote on their favorite kids and it's Jaryd and Cara - good choice - I concur!
Back to Tom - who fucks up an intro because of the teleprompter. Tom, who don't get me wrong - I like - completely blames the teleprompter guy and makes a joke about firing him! Why do hosts always blame that guy when things go wrong! If you knew your friggin' lines you wouldn't have to blame him! Bastards. Oh well - doesn't matter - that guy's gonna be reassigned to waxing Chubbers' nether-regions by tomorrow morning.
The next segment is all about the stars and how stressful it is to get ready for show day. The girls like to get all dolled up and the boys like to play football. Christ - is this show filmed in the 50's?! Chubbers gets mock-pissed at Tony for banging on her wall and making her all crazy. Meanwhile Pri-Pri likes to light candles in her trailer and imagine nailing the dance moves. After last nights performance I'd say she might want to try some different candles. Perhaps a nice "French Stop-Fucking-Up Vanilla".
Then Mario clearly uses this segment to his advantage:
Can we say "Courting the Teenage Girl Vote" anyone?!? Sheesh
Meanwhile Derek plays his guitar with his shirt open to calm Shannon. That is of course when he's not in the ER for something.
Marlee spends time with her kids - who are adorable. Kristi prepares by reviewing her moves and concentrating - yeah - like THAT works. Oh wait. Never mind.
Time to announce another couple who is safe - Jason and Edyta! No surprise there. Boy has grace.
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Comments (2)
Bbitz your recaps crack me up everytime. I'd have to quote the whole thing if I wanted to show you where I laughed. Your captions are the best though. Thanks for writing!
1 of 2 | Posted by zbird | Posted on April 29, 2008 8:09 PM
Your recaps are hilarous :) But could we tone down some of the racial stuff a wee bit? Yikes.
Oh and for the record, his hand is EXACTLY where you think it is. let's just hope everyone showers both before and after that move.
2 of 2 | Posted by lawyerjenn | Posted on April 30, 2008 6:39 AM